What a weekend. Mama did not pass with flying colors.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wee difficult child didn't have school Friday, so as soon as I got done with work meetings, he and I headed out to take advantage of the WONDERFUL weather we were having and go camping. We got to camp about 2:30 and set up, met some friends, played, fixed some supper over the fire. Then he put on ihs costume and we went trick or treating in town. When we finished, we stopped by a shoe store and got him a new pair of shoes (his right foot is turning in - he'll need more than shoes to fix it, but hopefully this will help a little). I needed a new pair, also, since my toes stick out of both of my shoes, and he was being SO good, so I found a new pair, too. Paid for them and went back to camp.
    Saturday was a whole different ballgame. He woke up great, but boy, by 3 or 4pm, he just exploded. Literally. I DRAGGED him to the camper, where he proceeded to hit me, kick me, throw shoes at me, bite me, and call me vulgar names. He just kept after me and after me, and finally, I spanked him in a desperate attempt to get him to stop attacking me. It worked, he then started just throwing stuff, and I was so afraid I was really gonna lost it, so I removed myself. While standing outside, calming down, he threw the contents of that camper ALL OVER THE PLACE - literally destroyed the inside. When it was over, it was like a switch was flipped again - he was done.
    Of course, there are 4 new families in the camping group, and of course, they could hear the whole thing. Nothing makes me want to be a hermit quite like having this child.
    Today, he started out this morning like he was at 3 or 4 yesterday afternoon. By 3 or 4 today, its was UGLY. Again, hit, kick, scream, bite, curse, throw. I wanted to leave camp by 11 so I could make mounted shooting practice, so I got up early and got everything ready to go - literally, was ready to jump in the truck and leave. At 10:45 I walked to the camper to hook up and leave and, again, it was literally DESTROYED. I had another fit myself - this time, I slammed down the Mason jar of canned apples I had in my hand and SHATTERD it EVERYWHERE. Somehow, I managed to not cut myself despite the fact that the jar literally was in a million pieces.
    Obviously, my fuse is getting too short. Some days I wonder how in the world I am ever going to make it thru the rest of my years with this child. One was enough; and I shudder to think that the first grandchild is on the way.
    In addition, husband went to shooting with me (which was great to have him), but that meant wee difficult child went, too. They're new people, they don't know much about us, and I was generally embarrassed all over again, having everyone stare at the freak-show child.:(
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2008
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That's awful! I would just plain want to crawl into a hole under the camper and not come out until everyone was gone! Do you think that the 3 - 4 o'clock timing is indicative of something? Food, medications, something that "isn't enough" or is "too much"? What about candy? Did he get into it or did someone share some with him that he shouldn't have had?

    You have to kind of wonder about it being halloween weekend. It can be a disaster for so many of our kids. I remember working full time and sewing a costume for M, only to have him throw a tantrum because I didn't ever do anything for him. Whatever I did for him was the wrong thing at holidays.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    It sounds horrid. The yelling, screaming, hitting, destruction....my fuse would be short as well. I think that fact that you stayed at the site after the first huge blow up is better than I would have done! I think I might have tucked the tail and backed out quietly.

    Perhaps the whole schedule change - school, halloween, up later, at the campground, etc., contributed to the intensity of his behavior.

  4. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I can't believe he trashed the camper twice!, grrr. Yeah, I vote Halloween is haunted.
  5. Mayapple5

    Mayapple5 New Member

    Does change in routine usually upset him? Does he normally take naps or lay down to rest in the afternoon? My difficult child 2 has to sleep in the afternoon, not just lie down and rest. If she doesn't sleep she behaves this way. We don't dare take her out of the house is she hasn't had her nap for at least 2 hours. I just can't wait until next school year when she is in K all day! :(

    I know how you feel when you come to the end of your rope. I do that quiet often then feel like I'm really out of control and need to find help! I feel just terrible afterwards, but when I allow her to get to me the next time I do it all over again and I had sworn I wouldn't! That's one reason I'm afraid to take her to a Psy. would she tell them how awful mom treats her?

    This is cute! She had a good nap yesterday and was so good in church last night. She hadn't taken a nap for three days straight and has been a bear to handle! On the way home she said, "was I good to night, mom?" I said, "Oh, you were very good, in church tonight." She came back with"When I'm good I make every one happy, don't I? and when I'm naughty I make every one sad, huh?" It was all we could do to keep from giggling but I said "yes, honey, that's right, you made everyone happy tonight!"

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear!
    Is it a coincidence that it happened at the same time both days? Is he on medications? What about his sleep patterns?
    I feel for you. There is no way people can understand all that noise unless they've been there done that.
    I hope this wk is better.
    Glad you got to go camping -- I think.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Not excusing him, but some kids can not handle change and excitement. My son could not, when he was young, so we kept everything low key. As horrible as he behaved, something triggered it--something about the trip was too much for him to handle.
    I'm sorry you had such a hard time. Maybe you should be in therapy yourself to get help on how to handle his meltdowns. For now, until he's stable, you may have to scale back holidays and vacations. I know, it stinks.
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Oh Shari - I am so sorry! I so understand your frustrations. The witnesses seem to put untold pressure on us to make it stop and we can not.

    Maybe watching closer for clues may help to prevent it? When things are going great, we tend to let down our guard. We miss the clues. Maybe difficult child is slowing down a bit which is interrupted as becoming tired but also need to add the meaning of shutting down which can bring on this behavior. Maybe the child asks for food or drink and because the day has been so excellent, we believe they can wait that extra 10 - 15 minutes until it is more convienient to us but then a tantrum?

    Also, maybe no 2nd chances? If the child could not handle it the first time around, why would he be able to do so right away? I would have been like you and not leave after the 1st situation because I tend to give too many 2nd chances. If I had to do it all over again, that would be one biggie that I would have changed. No 2nd chances because our children just are unable to live up to the 2nd chance and when that next disaster happens, we are even more frustrated.

    We want so much to give our kids a fun-filled life but I am learning that many times difficult child can not enjoy the "fun" event so why bother? Let him have a boring life and things will go smoother. That is why we need to take our own time outs for fun and vacations.

    I hope this week is an extra good one for you.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I think I just need a break from difficult child. A real break. My ex-mother in law has been picking him up once a week after school, but I've tended to use thet time to stay late at work and catch up there, which isn't good. On the other hand, he generally goes to bed so early that even if I don't stay late at work, by the time I get home from work, I might have 45 minutes before she brings him back. Don't get me wrong, its great, but its not enough time to accomplish anything.
    He usually handles camping really well - partly why this has become our pasttime of choice. This trip is annyal and is usually really good because there aren't a whole boat-load of kids that go - just a handful, which lessens the overstimulation problem. I don't know what was up this trip. He also changed his sleep pattern, even before we left to go - normally he is asleep by 7:30, easy, but this past week he's stayed up til 9:30 or so, which is REALLY late for him.
    It just wasn't a good weekend. husband got him on the horse at shooting and that always helps.
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sounds like a lot of fun.
    Glad you did not hurt your hand. I have days when I am just short fused. Then you stop and think, I have not had a real break in however long... it does really get to you!
    It is so easy for weeks and months and years to go by and we do nothing for ourselves.
    You need to defuse. A little you time that is not a lot of work.
    K had a rough weekend as well.
    But I attributed it to a lot going on.
    I had to let her sleep until 7:30 this morning.
    I hope he is doing better today. It is so hard to keep our cool in moments like that... you did better than most!
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds awful-I'm sorry. It always amazes me how all of a sudden it's over-at least for them and they are in such a good mood.

    You deserve some peaceful alone time. Hugs.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending you some much-needed peaceful quiet, a soft blankie, and earplugs.
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yeah, I remember those types of meltdown rage attacks of difficult child's. Reading your post made me shudder. I'm so sorry he trashed the camper - after you went so far out of your way to create a nice getaway. What you need is a getaway - from him! Glad you didn't cut yourself on the mason jar. Lucky.

    I do agree about the schedule change, the scenery change, and then the added excitement over Halloween. Those types of circumstances were a recipe for disaster with my difficult child when she was younger, still are. We would put in all this effort to create a good time for her and then she'd throw a fit! Then, as if a switch had been hit, she'd be fine but I'd be frazzled to the core. Ugh.

    How was he once you were back home and into the same ol' same ol'??
  14. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    We're home and he's still loony tunes. I just wish so badly I could figure out what triggers him...what in that scenario set him off.

    We camp once a month, if not more, and always have. He loves it. The people are, for the most part, the same; the camper is the same; the toys are the same; etc...I just don't get it.

    Prior to leaving, he was getting stuck on stuff, which is what pre-empted the melt-down (stuck on food - and I was offering food, but not what he wanted). Even tho he was good and redirectable, he was still getting stuck. I should have clued into that and been more prepared.
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Shari}} Sometimes there isn't any ONE definitive trigger. It just is what it is. Could be a sleep issue, could be a food issue, could just be a brain fart. You just never know. Obviously, we all do what we can to avoid known triggers, but in some cases, we simply can't prepare.