What are the odds?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Jun 6, 2009.

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  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If difficult child's GAL, judge, psychiatrist, and principal all live within less than a mile from each other that they all know each other socially? I'm feeling a little claustrophobic now. LOL!
  2. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    You scoped them all out good, didn't you?! Are they within a mile of your house?
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    That is a scary thought! Weird and scary.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yeah- in a metropolitan area of well over 1 million people, I find it scary. But it is an indicator of how status conscience/cliquish people are around here- being that the particular suburb was known for being "the area to buy a house" for the best professionals when it was developing a few years ago.

    No, I don't live in that suburb. I live in one not too far away though. I bumped into the principal many, many times at the store. But I've never ran into these others at the store. THE GAL isn't earning that much- but the others are making well into the six-digit incomes.
  5. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Everything's within a mile or so, if they're out there. They probably live within a mile of my uncle, too, but I doubt he's involved in your boy's case. ;) Try not to worry so much....it would be creepy to think that people involved with MY cases might be trying to find out where I live, and using that to determine whether or not I might be biased. I live a mile from my friend's boyfriend, doesn't mean I'm doin' him. ;)

    I live in a larger metro area, I don't even know my neighbors. Heh.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Eeky- don't be shocked, but if you are an "important" person in the system, people are going to do google searches on you. I'm not talking about the typical attorney, but GAL's who stick out in several parents' minds because they seem absurd and people who have big effects on your kid's life. There are many forums for parents to communicate about stuff like that. I don't see anything wrong with it- professional people in all disciplines end up with a reputation- it can be good or bad- but it will be out there.

    Now, if I were parking my car and watching the neighborhood or following someone around, that would be a different issue- and a serious problem. But, now that I think about it, this is still nothing close to what these people know about our lives and the kind of stuff I was questioned about on the witness stand- most of which had absolutely nothing to do with difficult child and happened 20+ years before he was even born. The attny's should see this from the parent's view sometime if you want weird and creepy. LOL!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ya know, even though you guys live fairly close to each other in area...there are tons of people in that area. It is actually less likely that people actually know each other than it is for people to know each other here where I live.

    When my boys were younger the Chief of Police was the coach for one of the ball teams Cory played on. We live 2 miles from the Sheriff. We know these people on site. We are acquaintances with our state representative to the US House of Representatives because our kids played ball together. We live about 5 miles from each other. LOL. This is small town living.

    When I lived in the Capital City...I knew no one but my circle of friends. I didnt know my neighbors unless I was friends with them.
  8. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Yeah, that's pretty much what I was trying to say, too. :) If they live where I think klmno is talkin' bout, every white collar professional type of a certain generation lives within a mile of each other there.

    klmno, respectfully, I disagree with you. It's one thing to google someone, looking for other parents' complaints, or feedback from others, or lists of their decisions/cases....ie, their professional stuff. It's entirely another, I think, to find, note/remember, and compare their home addresses. That borders on an invasion of their personal lives, to me. Everyone's entitled to a private life, even lawyers, judges, and principals in the "public eye". As my personal opinion (and nothing more! ;)) I kinda feel that's taking it too far.

    Unrelated to your issue, that's an interesting question for the board though - when does investigating the people dealing with our kids turn into cyber-stalking? Is there a line that shouldn't be crossed, or is all fair in love and war?
  9. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    You do know, right, that there are websites out there you can check to see who has Googled you - I think If I was in any target profession, mmm, like a judge or attorney, I would want to see that info.

    On June 6th, there have been some google hits on me personally, like A 57-year-old, female living in Cathedral City, CA, who attended Francis Polytechnic High School. 8 people aged 53 - 66, 6 women, 6 men. Plus I can have updates sent to me when it happens on who it is calling up my info.

    I know for me, my name is out there, and just not because I have a MySpace or Facebook page. Because of my job, and belonging to some professional organizations, and Linked In, I am pretty easy to find - under my maiden name which I only use for work - my married name is not out there that much, but its still out there. I have nothing going or nor am I in a profession where I would even be concerned about whos lookin at my info.

    I am just thinking gawd forbid anything bad happen to the judge, DA, GAL that you have been rooting around for info on, your info is going to come up

    Last edited: Jun 7, 2009
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Honestly, I've googled other people. Basic information for just about everyone is available online. In my state, you can actually see my name and salary online because I am a public employee.
  11. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Haha, I think we're all guilty of that. But I guess my question is, where's the line? Googling is one thing - we're all curious cats. But is a home address my business? What about a home phone? Or my (non-existent...haha)children's school address? Some of these things I think I'd find appropriate ----for old high school friends who want to reconnect, or co-workers looking to send sympathy cards. But not for strangers or clients, types like that.

    Y'know - I mean, we live in an info-filled age. Is there a line dividing what we SHOULD be googling for, and what we should leave alone? In this day and age, you CAN find out pretty much whatever you want - but should we? Is it a free-for-all to "protect" our kids? I guess that's what I'm now wondering about. :)

    Not so much a "can" as a "should". I know, it's a little deep for a Sunday afternoon. Hehehe.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, my outlook on this is based somewhat on the fact that my personal info is pretty easy to find online, too, due to my profession. If someone doesn't have an unlisted phone number, is it out of line to look their name up in the phone book- even if you are not going to call them or don't really need to know it? To me, it's the same if you google someone. It's public knowledge or it shouldn't be popping right up. If they don't want it public knowledge, they need to deal with their own info being on the internet.

    To me, the line is doing something to find out info that is not public. For instance, paying one of those places to get unlisted phone numbers.

    I happened to learn this info over a course of time anyway, in bits and pieces, and it all wasn't from me googling or even trying to find anything at all out. For instance, difficult child's principal couldn't care less if we know where she lives. (I'm not saying that she wouldn't care about anyone knowing- just that she was pretty open with me about her family and stuff.) Another-Being that Gal's here are all attny's, the GAL's name, number, and address popped up a year or so ago when I was looking online for a ddefense attnorney for difficult child and I searched for local juvenile attorneys. I can't help it if she apparently has no real office that she works out of. I already had her phone number, by the way- she gave it to me.

    Is that invading their privacy any more than me having to testify to gal, po, judge, what happened, specifically, in bed- sexually- between me and someone else 30 years ago? (When we've never had any court case pertaining to abuse allegations toward difficult child, me having any relationship, difficult child having any allegations pertaining to sex, etc)

    Eeky, i don't know- maybe it's just me- but I get vibes sometimes that you have some issue with me. LOL! This isn't the first time you've posted to my threads insinuating some pretty negative things when in reality, you have never walked in my shoes or anywhere close to them. Other than a couple of threads a long time ago, I don't recall reading anything about "your" difficult child so I have trouble relating to you, too. But, I don't go on websites where people in the system vent about clients or parents and post statements to them about being "weird and creepy".

    Janet- you have a good point. I lived across the street from my pediatrician, my mom's best friend was an administrator for the high school- although she was a guidance counselor when I was in school. When I was in high school and dating my husband, he took us to visit the one and only judge by stopping by his house unannounced. (He was actually very nice about it all- I fussed at my husband for going unannounced.) LOL! I guess I grew up without people feeling paranoid about stuff like that.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2009
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why would it be odd to live across the street from your pediatrician doctor? Or to drop in on a judge if it was a personal visit? I mean judges have friends too...lol. Once we leave work we arent our professions. Maybe think of it like Jamie's voice mail greeting. "Hi, this is Jamie. If you are calling about your dog, I dont care. This is my personal number. Call my work number and leave a message, someone will call you back. If you want to talk to me, leave a message and maybe I will call you back...or maybe not!"

    As far as should we google people in public positions...I really dont think we should be building a file on them. I know in general where the people I deal with live but not exactly. I know my therapists cell phone number because she gave it to me and I know the part of town she lives in but not the exact address. Im sure I could find out if I wanted to know but Im not that interested. If I had an emergency and needed to find her I could call and she would tell me.

    When I worked for DSS I had clients who looked up my home phone number and address and threatened me personally. They called me at home and threatened to come to my house and kill me. Left these messages on my voice mail. Now I was only a lowly caseworker! I shouldnt have had to deal with that for my salary. They didnt pay me enough to deal with death threats. Back then it was just looking me up in the phone book. Now they could Google Earth me and watch what I am grilling for dinner.

    Speaking of that...I keep telling the boys not to pee off the door steps cause Google will catch them!
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Janet, I agree whole-heartedly. :)

    And now that I think about- that time when I was tesifying last year, I mentioned googling the name of someone I had been in the navy with (the gal happened to care about him, too, for some reason) and then, it almost turned into a discussion about googling people's names. I told them that I google everyone important in difficult child's and my lives and told them that I strongly recommend that everyone google their own name. The gal seemed to be the only one freaking out over that. LOL! I told her that I had run across her address and how it came about. She looked horrified but I laughed and said "well, when you are a licensed prof, you can expect that to happen when people search for that profession". I also reminded her that I have never knocked on her door- and I assured her that I never would. (After all she had put me through- I did find this humurous.) But my real point was that she has known for a long time that I had run across her address- not that I could point out the house or that I have even gone looking for it- and I've never gone knocking on her door.

    Half our police force has probably been to my house over difficult child, at one time or another. Several cops live in my neighborhood so I don't doubt that a couple have probably been here on duty or that I could see them out jogging. I would never cause them a problem- but if I recognized them, I would speak to them, the same as I would any other acquaintance. I wish they would be more out-going about getting to know difficult child- it might actually do him a lot of good. The resource offiicer at school (that's the cop) had testified to the judge that if she would allow difficult child to come home (this was last year) that he would [pick difficult child up at home each morning and take him to school to do community service at the school during the summer. The judge didn't order that, but I found it very nice that he offered.

    I guess people around here aren't too scared of me. LOL! Well, except for the gal anyway. HA!

    Maybe that's an attorney thing (not all- but some). I give some of my clients my home phone number- well, I did it mostly when difficult child was little and in day care so they could call me after 5:30 if their schedule required that because I could not stay at the office past that time. Now, not a single client ever made issue over that or seemed to think anything odd about it at all- except for one- an attorney. He was a client, I was supposed to get back with him about something one day and when I called (about 3:00, then 5:15) his secretary said he hadn't gotten back from court yet. I asked her to relay to him that we were going to have a conference call at 6:30 that evening, that I would have to participate from home, and gave my home number. This goof-ball called my boss the next day and said I tried something personal by leaving my home number. Never mind that the other party and I had the phone call at 6:30 and neither of heard the first word from the attorney.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2009
  15. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    "My" difficult child (??) has been away at boarding school since December, and has been doing a lot better lately. She came home yesterday...and I'm already sensing you guys will be hearing a lot more from me, though. Sigh. But that whole comment probably would have been a LOT more appropriate as a private message to me, though, y'know? Especially since you're wrong.

    I SAID specifically I wasn't talking about YOUR issue, just as a general concept - it's definitely something I thought was relevant to the board - when is protecting our kids going too far, in this world of easy information gathering? I know I'd love to research all of Sis's teachers, see if they have public Facebook pages (a lot of them are younger), see what kinds of people they are in their private lives. But I don't - regardless of whether they make it public or not, 'cause it doesn't feel right. I thought some of the other difficult child caretakers on here might have faced the same dilemma that your question brought up. That's all.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know...it has never occurred to me to google, myspace or facebook ANY of the professionals in my or Corys lives. Just never has. I have checked out doctors before on professional sites to see if there are any complaints about them such as malpractice suits but that is the extent of my searching. I have never looked up where my psychiatrist lives or where my GP lives or even my hair stylist. I didnt even know where the people who did in home therapy lived and they had my kid in their care 40 hours a week. I assume that the agency did an adequate background check.
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sometimes people's addresses pop up when doing searches for malpractice suits and standard google searches. I'm really sorry I brought the whole thing up- I didn't realize that saying I knew this info would lead to being accused of cyber-stalking. Not to mention, now you have me scoping facebook pages for these people and lord knows what else.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2009
  18. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Haha, sorry for giving you MORE sites to worry about checking! I wonder occasionally whether I'd feel safer NOT knowing - ignorance is bliss, yeah? :tongue:
  19. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Ladies- I need for this topic to get back on track and off the cyberstalking talk, please. Let's try to keep our responses to issues of population density and whether it could be an issue that these three particular professionals live, work and socialize so closely. The subject has become clouded and feelings are being hurt. Members are welcome to start a new thread about what constitutes cyberstalking, but please keep it out of this thread so it can stay on topic.
  20. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm actually going to lock this. I think TM said it all.
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