what could this drug be

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by missy44, Feb 21, 2009.

  1. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I have an 18 year old son (I asked him to leave home back in November) who lives with a friend and the friend's mother. He was caught 3 times with pot in my home, breaking rules, etc... and to protect my other children and my marriage it was time to ask him to leave. I still cry about this decision every other day. He has no help, nor does he appear to w
    ant help.
    Up until now I've believed that my son was "only" smoking pot. I don't think that pot doesn't suggest a problem, but somehow I was able to tell myself that pot isn't so bad. Well, he never comes around anymore (he is a very bright, athletic kid), he's lost weight, quit college, lost his job (now unemployed for approximately 8 months) and I have no idea of what he is up to. I do see pics occasionally on facebook which will show him and friends drinking and smoking pot using a bong (I apologize for the lingo).
    Last night we got him to go to a hockey game with the family (bought him fries and coke, it was the first we've seen him since Christmas). My other son decided to go out with him after the game but came home early because him and his buddies decided to get high and drink. This isn't my other son's thing, he has severe allergies and quite honestly i think drugs scare the hell out of him. He said they were smoking pot but putting sugar on top of it before they smoked it. What is this? My son seriously thinks it was sugar and he said it made the pot look shiny. Please help if you can. Is this crack or meth? I really just don't know what any of this stuff looks like.
    Has anyone's child done this?
    I feel so guilty, i've never taken my son for help because we never knew he had a problem until it was too late. Even when I asked to leave for breaking our rules repeatedly I didn't think he had a huge problem, I just thought he was smoking pot once in awhile and didn't want to follow our house rules. I feel so helpless and guilty. I just cry for the boy i used to have. I cry for him because i know he's not happy with himself and he knows he's given up his dreams. His little brothers and his sister who used to idolize him think he's a complete loser now and want nothing to do with him. It's breaking my heart...I'm scared. I've told him we'll get him help, he just needs to tell us he wants it, he doesn't want it. he doesn't think he needs any. What else can I do?
    Thanks so much for your help.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm so sorry your son is doing these kinds of things. My difficult child doesn't have drug issues but I've seen it in others. It's heartbreaking. Sending hugs.

    I found this article that may be able to tell you more.

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry you and your family are going thru this. I think you did the right thing by asking him to leave- clearly, you still love him but are protecting your family and you know that he has to want help in order for any efforts to do any good at his age.

    But I have to ask- what difference does it make what drug was sprinkled on the pot? You now know that he's doing more than pot - so does it matter?

    If I were you, I would call NA (narcotics anonymous) and ask them if they do intervention. It isn't a guarantee that he will agree to help, but it gives him a shot.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter was a druggie who is VERY honest with me about the horror of her drug days. I'll ask her later what she thinks it is because she did it and saw everything. But if he is very thin, it's probably meth or cocaine. Just a guess--daughter is probably still asleep or I'd call her and ask--but I think that's what she'd say from the conversations I've had with her. It's certainly NOT sugar!
    I'm really sorry you have to live this nightmare. You may want to start going to Narc-Anon for moral support. When kids lose weight and their behavior changes that much, you can almost bet the farm that they're not just smoking pot.
  5. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Thank you for the replies. I am so scared and sad right now.

    I guess for me I thought if he "only" smoked pot then it wouldn't be as bad to kick the habit. Probably because I know many who did and who are completely fine today. Chemicals seem so much worse...

    I need some help and i"ll look into NA tomorrow.

  6. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    My first thought when reading about how thin your son is and has dropped out of everything was crack. However, when you said something sprinkled on the top of the marijuana, it changed my mind, as crack comes in more of a rock, and is usually smoked through a pipe. I cannot imagine what was sprinkled on top, but these days, who knows.

    I do understand that helpless feeling - not knowing what you can do, and watching your son become someone you don't recognize anymore. been there done that. In our case, my son was 17 when this all happened, and he ended up arrested and we "forced" treatment. He agreed to it because he had run out of options, and knew he'd be sent to adult jail.

    I'm not sure what can be done because your son is now 18. Obviously he's either gone onto other drugs, or the "only" marijuana has now consumed his life. He needs substance abuse treatment, but he will need to agree to the help. Do you think he'd agree if you agreed to help him through it? By help, I don't mean $, but more moral support, etc.

    Sending hugs. I know how hard it is to watch your child self-destruct and not know which way to turn.

  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Missy - my son has also lost a significant amt of wt over the last 6 months or so. We know he's smoking pot, but his drug tests have also come back positive for PCP and meth. When he first popped positive for meth, he claimed it must have been residue in the bowl 'cuz he wouldn't do meth (and I was born yesterday), so my very uneducated guess would be that.

    Please - don't feel guilty for his choices. It's impossible to help a kid who doesn't see there's a problem. It's also I think the hardest thing to do to watch the decline. I don't know what the answer is other than to let him know that you're available when he's ready to get help. As much as I want to force my kid into treatment (if I could, which I can't), I know that the only chance of it working is when *he* is ready for it.

    A gentle hug to you.
  8. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    hi again we've been asking our son and telling him that when he wants help, we'll do whatever we can to get him help. we did get him to go and visit his father not too long ago, he went for 2 weeks only and didn't use anything while he was gone. my ex said that he was sick to his stomach the first day and assumed he had the flu, my guess is that he was coming off of something. the same thing happened at Christmas when we spent christmas day and boxing day with him.

    we also have a friend who is a police officer. he remembers my kids from hockey, etc... and has said that he will try to help if i wish to give him any details. by help, i think he means possibly try to pick him up and possibly charge him with possession or something. we also think from things that we've heard that our son is dealing. what would any of you do in this situation? is having them picked up by the police a good idea? our friend has said that we should be "very sure" of our decision because the lasting effects of a record can be pretty harsh. you see our son has always wanted to be a teacher or join the military, he most likely would never be able to join the military with a record. when i thought his problem was marijuana, i thought, he'll outgrow this phase and get his life on track, now i'm sure that this is not the case so i'm toying with the thought of calling my friend and giving him the info that i do know.

    i thank God for finding this board. i'm so sorry that we're all here for one reason or another, but the support is very much appreciated.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I found I couldn't do anything, especially once my daughter turned 18. She would find ways to do what she wanted to do and she'd lie to us while staring us straight in the eyes, then cry and say we didn't trust her (DUH!) if we doubted her. She swore up and down on a Bible and on everyone's life that she was not doing anything other than smoking pot "sometimes." She denied even drinking a lot (which we later found out was a big fat lie). Even two rounds with arrest didnt' stop her until SHE wanted to stop. That was after we made her leave the house, but she called her straight arrow brother for a place to stay. He's in another state and he got her and read her the riot act and she responded to being away from her bad friends and in his care. She also knew it was her last stop before homelessness and she WANTED to quit, but couldn't do it with her druggie friends pushing her to continue. Misery does love company. Once she was out of state, she had a very lonely, quiet life, no car, her bro made her get a job and walk to work, she had to clean the house and do chores, etc. She did get clean. THAT is when we found out her "it's only pot" had been mostly meth and cocaine with a little ecstasy and even a few shots of heroin thrown in. I don't know how she quit. She didn't use rehabs. I guess she was just very motivated. It has now been six years.
    I guess my bottom line is that there is nothing you can do if he wants to use. He has to want to stop. Also, my daughter has a saying: "NEVER trust a drug addict." She says they'll lie, put on an act, cry, beg, steal, do anything to get you to believe them or feel sorry for them so that they can continue their habit and still be comfortable (living with Mom and Dad in a warm house with food and, best of all, $$$ for drugs).
    Narc-Anon is great. Go. Believe. Get some real life support. You are going to need it. It does not seem that your son wants to change his lifestyle, and there is zilch you can do for him if he isn't highly motivated. As for trying to figure out all the drugs he may be using, don't waste your time. I never dreamed our daughter was doing anything more than pot. The scary thing is, some of her friends had parents who had "meth labs." I'm not sure what that is, but it is frightening that there are adults out there helping their own kids use and sell drugs. Also, if you take drugs you sell drugs. It's the way it is. You can't have one without the other. I learned Drug Use 101 from my daughter, but not until long after she had quit. She claims it was very hard to quit and she had really bad withdrawals, yet she didn't tell anyone. She just did it. There is hope. She is into naturals and organics now and it's hard to even get her to take an aspirin. I wish the same for your son. (((Hugs)))
  10. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Sounds like I could of written this post....
    I am so sorry you are going thru this. But it sounds like meth. Crack is not shiney
  11. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Thanks all,
    I'm having a hard day, a bit teary eyed, feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed. I guess i'm just scared for my son.

    Thanks for all the info and I guess it really doesn't matter what his drug or drugs of choice are, chemicals just scare the hell out of me.

    I've sent him a message (our only communication is email or facebook) asking him if he is ready for help, told him we love him and are concerned about his well being (physically and mentally) and that we'll do what we can to get him proper help if he wants it. Anything else I should be doing? I'm contacting a help center tomorrow morning. My husband and I need some help dealing with this problem, and they will also help my son if he contacts them. I guess now that he's 18 we can't intervene.

    I'll post updates as we go along, I truly appreciate everyone's help.

  12. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I am so sorry. I know how heartbreaking this is for you. To watch your child (no matter the age) self destruct is absolutely devastating!! I don't have too much experience with drug abuse, though my daughter does smoke lots of pot, she hasn't really ever made a habit out of anything else. (yet) I haven't dealt with rehab but I know all too well how hard it is to sit back have no control over a loved one who is in dire need of help. Unfortunately we cannot force treatment on our kids, especially when they hit that magic age. We can only make ourselves available for when they are in deed ready to make a change. It is more than frustrating, I know! The best advice I have ever gotten was to detach. I have gotten so much strength from the wonderful parents here on this site. I have learned to detach enough to live in the world again. You have done all you can for your son, you should feel no guilt whatsoever. You have been a great mom and I'm sure you have done all you can to help him. It's time to care for you now. Rest up and prepare for the day he does come around and ask you to guide him. Until then, all you can do is pray!

    Keeping you and yours in my thoughts. Hang in there. :)
  13. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    thanks so much. Yes, i think i have been a great mother and have done all that i can (with the knowledge that we have in parenthood) and i'll keep offering him help.

    I'm making some appointments week to help me and my husband deal with this problem and keep ourselves sane.

    Thanks you all,
  14. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    Yes, what they were sprinkling on the marijuana was cocaine.

  15. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    well, now the story has changed a bit, it was a sparkly substance and wasn't sprinkled on it.. just mixed in with it somehow to make it shining???

    at this point I don't care what it was, i just know my son has a huge problem. he won't speak to us, we just keep telling him we love him and we're here for him when he's ready.

    i had a breakdown the other day and had a "facebook" argument (our only communication). i told him i'm hurt, disappointed, and angry. he became very angry and said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. i cried, but bounced back and sent him a note today to let him know i don't plan or want to fight with him, i just love him and am frustrated. i've had no response from him, but at least i feel better.

    i do think its a good sign that he is on facebook communicating... he has been posting that he is going to look for a job. i asked him about it and he said part time as he wants to go back to college part time. i know that this plan can and most likely will change tomorrow, but for now i will embrace it. it's hope!! i've been told that if he was so far gone he wouldn't be on facebook talking to people, he wouldn't be thinking about getting a job or even talking about college again.

    i fear that he is so ashamed and disappointed in himself that he won't admit to anyone that he has a problem.

    any thoughts or insight?

    cheers everyone..
  16. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    My heart just breaks for you and your family. My son is a bit younger and we hope, not so far into drugs that we can't pull him back.

    I think the most you can do, the best you can do, is to let your son know that the door is open if he wants help and that you love him no matter what, but the boundaries have to be in concrete: he cannot drag you and your younger children down with him. I think the suggestion to try Nar-Anon is terrific; I myself am ready to try Al-anon or Nar Anon in my area for help in detaching from my two older children's behavior. We need the support.

    Your energy needs to be directed back at supplying whatever normalcy you can to your younger kids and yourself.

    Good luck to you and keep us posted. You are not alone in this struggle.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    easy child/difficult child says "it's probably cocaine". As you say, however, it really doesn't matter in the long run. Addiction is addiction. I'm sending a hug your way. DDD
  18. toreapartwomanoftwo

    toreapartwomanoftwo New Member

    My pray goes to you Missy, I agree with most of the replies. You have done everything you can, just let him know that you are there when he is ready, meanwhile take care of yourself and the rest of the family.