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What distance is safe?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 622576" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Albatross,</p><p></p><p>I had the same immediate thought as Cedar and Lucy...you didn't cause this. Your time with him didn't cause it any more than a different choice of not spending time with him would have caused it.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child's have a hard time with obstacles, and a hard time with consistency, especially consistent effort. They fall apart at the smallest detour from their proposed solutions (what happened at the recruitment center? right?) </p><p></p><p>It is great that you had that nice day with him. Hold tight to that. It was what it was..It didn't have significance for the future, it was a single day in the life of difficult child. It sounds like it was lovely. </p><p></p><p>For the rest...you can respond to the text with "that sounds frustrating" or "thats too bad" or "sounds like you have a lot to think about" or something like that. CAuse all that is true. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is so important. I have definitely delivered that message repeatedly to difficult child, and to my other kids (and my ex husband) sometimes as well...sometimes I slip into delivering it to SO too...CAUSE I AM SO SMART ONLY I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES...apparently. </p><p></p><p>MY easy child/ex difficult child daughter has thrived since I started delivering the message "you go girl" or "that sounds hard, I love you"</p><p></p><p>I saw difficult child walking on the street yestarday...he looked cold and disheveled. He was carrying his stuff in plastic bags, and although he was wearing a heavy coat he had no gloves...his hands were red and chapped. And I thought...honey, where are the gloves I gave you last month when you came and shoveled my sidewalk without gloves on(even that day I saw him put the gloves on his open back pack, and could see that there was another pair of gloves in side).</p><p>Those gloves are kind of a metaphor for me...I gave him what I thought he needed, what ANY sane person could have seen he needed..but he didn't value it, if anything it even weighed him down. He moves on without them, and without me. He and his friends had been "moved along" from their encampment under the bridge, and he was going to spend the day at the Barnes and Noble, till he could stay warm, and then figure out where to sleep. He didn't ask for help...I don't think he even t hought of asking for help. </p><p></p><p>We don't know what they need. We can't provide it. They have to find it themselves.</p><p></p><p>You didn't do anything Albatross. Your boy took two steps forward and 1.9999 back. It is for him to figure it out.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p><p></p><p>They follow their own path, thats all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 622576, member: 17269"] Albatross, I had the same immediate thought as Cedar and Lucy...you didn't cause this. Your time with him didn't cause it any more than a different choice of not spending time with him would have caused it. Our difficult child's have a hard time with obstacles, and a hard time with consistency, especially consistent effort. They fall apart at the smallest detour from their proposed solutions (what happened at the recruitment center? right?) It is great that you had that nice day with him. Hold tight to that. It was what it was..It didn't have significance for the future, it was a single day in the life of difficult child. It sounds like it was lovely. For the rest...you can respond to the text with "that sounds frustrating" or "thats too bad" or "sounds like you have a lot to think about" or something like that. CAuse all that is true. This is so important. I have definitely delivered that message repeatedly to difficult child, and to my other kids (and my ex husband) sometimes as well...sometimes I slip into delivering it to SO too...CAUSE I AM SO SMART ONLY I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES...apparently. MY easy child/ex difficult child daughter has thrived since I started delivering the message "you go girl" or "that sounds hard, I love you" I saw difficult child walking on the street yestarday...he looked cold and disheveled. He was carrying his stuff in plastic bags, and although he was wearing a heavy coat he had no gloves...his hands were red and chapped. And I thought...honey, where are the gloves I gave you last month when you came and shoveled my sidewalk without gloves on(even that day I saw him put the gloves on his open back pack, and could see that there was another pair of gloves in side). Those gloves are kind of a metaphor for me...I gave him what I thought he needed, what ANY sane person could have seen he needed..but he didn't value it, if anything it even weighed him down. He moves on without them, and without me. He and his friends had been "moved along" from their encampment under the bridge, and he was going to spend the day at the Barnes and Noble, till he could stay warm, and then figure out where to sleep. He didn't ask for help...I don't think he even t hought of asking for help. We don't know what they need. We can't provide it. They have to find it themselves. You didn't do anything Albatross. Your boy took two steps forward and 1.9999 back. It is for him to figure it out. Hugs, Echo They follow their own path, thats all. [/QUOTE]
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