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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 697796" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Hi UK</p><p></p><p>I am doing the same thing with my son right now. Very limited contact, but it is very painful to do this. It helps me though so it's kind of a double edged sword.</p><p></p><p>My husband (his dad) left today to visit him at his treatment center and spend his birthday with him. He'll be 21 on Friday. My son is outpatient so does have a lot of freedom so will stay at hotel with his dad for 2 nights. This brought on great stress for me even though I am the one that encouraged my husband to go. We haven't seen him since April and I am out of vacation for the year (have some in November planned) and husband has a lot and I just can't handle it emotionally to see him because it counter-reacts my detachment.</p><p></p><p>Guilt does not do anyone any good. It really has no purpose in this situation. If it makes you feel better to not talk to him/see him then do that. It's not on YOU. It's on him to change his life. He's trying to make it your problem. My son does this also. I just keep redirecting him. </p><p></p><p>I have already given about 5 years of MY life to trying to help him in every way under the sun. Guess what? It did absolutely no good. Now I'm trying to help MYSELF. He is 1500 miles away and this may sound cold but THANK THE LORD we did that. That was the best thing we ever did for ourselves and for him.</p><p></p><p>He is in treatment because financially we won't support anything else. I still don't think he 'gets it'. He is very immature. Like they say, when they start using drugs their maturing goes into freeze frame. He started smoking week at 15. You know this isn't your fault. It isn't my fault either.</p><p></p><p>Have you thought of seeing a therapist? It greatly helps me sort our all of my feelings.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps. It's just my feelings on this. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 697796, member: 15032"] Hi UK I am doing the same thing with my son right now. Very limited contact, but it is very painful to do this. It helps me though so it's kind of a double edged sword. My husband (his dad) left today to visit him at his treatment center and spend his birthday with him. He'll be 21 on Friday. My son is outpatient so does have a lot of freedom so will stay at hotel with his dad for 2 nights. This brought on great stress for me even though I am the one that encouraged my husband to go. We haven't seen him since April and I am out of vacation for the year (have some in November planned) and husband has a lot and I just can't handle it emotionally to see him because it counter-reacts my detachment. Guilt does not do anyone any good. It really has no purpose in this situation. If it makes you feel better to not talk to him/see him then do that. It's not on YOU. It's on him to change his life. He's trying to make it your problem. My son does this also. I just keep redirecting him. I have already given about 5 years of MY life to trying to help him in every way under the sun. Guess what? It did absolutely no good. Now I'm trying to help MYSELF. He is 1500 miles away and this may sound cold but THANK THE LORD we did that. That was the best thing we ever did for ourselves and for him. He is in treatment because financially we won't support anything else. I still don't think he 'gets it'. He is very immature. Like they say, when they start using drugs their maturing goes into freeze frame. He started smoking week at 15. You know this isn't your fault. It isn't my fault either. Have you thought of seeing a therapist? It greatly helps me sort our all of my feelings. I hope this helps. It's just my feelings on this. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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