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What do I do? Need advice when all the doors are closed...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676650" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This child should never live at home again and I think you should have pressed charges. this is about the worst thing one person can do to another and you won't get any help without turning him in. Your entire family needs help.</p><p></p><p>Was he adopted, or perped on himself, or abused or did he have a chaotic early life? Any foster care? I'll tell you our story and I am very strict about sexual issues. They are hard to fix. Your daughter is the victim. SHE is the one who needs protection. She is NOT hurting HIM. This is not about bad or good...obviously your son is extremely sick. It is about his danger he presents to others, like his sister and possibly schoolmates and neighbors.</p><p></p><p>You can't protect your son without putting your daughter at further risk and, again, SHE is t he victim.</p><p></p><p>We adopted a child of 11 who perped on all the kids in the house. He was older and the youngers were scared of his threats to kill us all so they didn't tell. Once they found out we called CPS and they removed him, as we asked, and he got treatment in a sexually abusing kid jail. I doubt he stopped doing it. He had incidents of perping in the jail. Our county also pressed charges against him and he lost.</p><p></p><p>Your child is a big threat to your other child and to children in the neighborhood. He in my opinion is dangerous and may or may not be able to be helped, but you will never be sure. The only way to help other victims is to keep him away from potential victims. There is no way he should ever be near any child without strict adult supervision, not even if you go to the bathroom.</p><p></p><p>Although help for predators can be more successful in children, it is still hard to stop the urges. This is a compulsion that may or may not ever stop. Your daughter does not need to be the one who finds out if he is still doing it. She is in intensive therapy now, right? If not, you are not doing right by her. SHE NEEDS IT.</p><p></p><p>My advice is to get him out of the house permanently and protect your other child from him and the neighborhood kids. And is he cruel to animals and like fire? Those are the symptoms of a budding sociopath.</p><p></p><p>Even if he himself was abused, which is likely somewhere, he is still a threat because he is choosing to act out on others. I would never allow him to live with me again. That's what we did. It was too traumatic for the other kids for him to even be spoken about. Sexual assault is very serious and usually the first you hear is that it's "just one time." It is usually much more and you don't hear about until the other child feels safe and sure that the perp is no longer coming home. We found out month by month. The younger kids at first mumbled, "He did it two or three times." As time and therapy went on it ended up, "He has done it for three years, at knifepoint." I still feel guilty that I did not know, although we had a big house and he was sneaky. I will never not feel guilty that I didn't know. In our case, we never saw him again after he left, but heard he was not doing well.</p><p></p><p>Whoever he hurt needs intensive therapy. CPS will provide and pay for it. If you protect him, you may help him end up in jail later on. You could also get into trouble yourself if the authorities find out he perped and you did not tell them. He needs a huge taste of how serious this is before he turns eighteen. It still may not work, but it won't be on his record forever if he gets arrested and charged before he turns eighteen. After eighteen, he will have a record forever. He may have to sign up as a sexual predator for the rest of his life. It may not work...the cure is rare...but you need to try everything you can and to do the best you can before he becomes eighteen. In the meantime, again, get that daughter tons and tons of therapy. She needs it, as do all children who are sexually assaulted.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry f or your hurting heart. Please take it as seriously as you can.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676650, member: 1550"] This child should never live at home again and I think you should have pressed charges. this is about the worst thing one person can do to another and you won't get any help without turning him in. Your entire family needs help. Was he adopted, or perped on himself, or abused or did he have a chaotic early life? Any foster care? I'll tell you our story and I am very strict about sexual issues. They are hard to fix. Your daughter is the victim. SHE is the one who needs protection. She is NOT hurting HIM. This is not about bad or good...obviously your son is extremely sick. It is about his danger he presents to others, like his sister and possibly schoolmates and neighbors. You can't protect your son without putting your daughter at further risk and, again, SHE is t he victim. We adopted a child of 11 who perped on all the kids in the house. He was older and the youngers were scared of his threats to kill us all so they didn't tell. Once they found out we called CPS and they removed him, as we asked, and he got treatment in a sexually abusing kid jail. I doubt he stopped doing it. He had incidents of perping in the jail. Our county also pressed charges against him and he lost. Your child is a big threat to your other child and to children in the neighborhood. He in my opinion is dangerous and may or may not be able to be helped, but you will never be sure. The only way to help other victims is to keep him away from potential victims. There is no way he should ever be near any child without strict adult supervision, not even if you go to the bathroom. Although help for predators can be more successful in children, it is still hard to stop the urges. This is a compulsion that may or may not ever stop. Your daughter does not need to be the one who finds out if he is still doing it. She is in intensive therapy now, right? If not, you are not doing right by her. SHE NEEDS IT. My advice is to get him out of the house permanently and protect your other child from him and the neighborhood kids. And is he cruel to animals and like fire? Those are the symptoms of a budding sociopath. Even if he himself was abused, which is likely somewhere, he is still a threat because he is choosing to act out on others. I would never allow him to live with me again. That's what we did. It was too traumatic for the other kids for him to even be spoken about. Sexual assault is very serious and usually the first you hear is that it's "just one time." It is usually much more and you don't hear about until the other child feels safe and sure that the perp is no longer coming home. We found out month by month. The younger kids at first mumbled, "He did it two or three times." As time and therapy went on it ended up, "He has done it for three years, at knifepoint." I still feel guilty that I did not know, although we had a big house and he was sneaky. I will never not feel guilty that I didn't know. In our case, we never saw him again after he left, but heard he was not doing well. Whoever he hurt needs intensive therapy. CPS will provide and pay for it. If you protect him, you may help him end up in jail later on. You could also get into trouble yourself if the authorities find out he perped and you did not tell them. He needs a huge taste of how serious this is before he turns eighteen. It still may not work, but it won't be on his record forever if he gets arrested and charged before he turns eighteen. After eighteen, he will have a record forever. He may have to sign up as a sexual predator for the rest of his life. It may not work...the cure is rare...but you need to try everything you can and to do the best you can before he becomes eighteen. In the meantime, again, get that daughter tons and tons of therapy. She needs it, as do all children who are sexually assaulted. I am sorry f or your hurting heart. Please take it as seriously as you can. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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