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What do I do? Need advice when all the doors are closed...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676686" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>To expand on what IC said, many abuse victims do not remember being abused until years later. I did not understand this coping mechanism until I was in a severe car accident. I remember NOTHING about that trauma. If I had not been in a hospital for ten weeks, I would not know I had ever been in an accident. Many abuse victims block out subconsciously all memory of the incident, but it often comes back later in patches and then that is when they freak out.</p><p></p><p>Predators very often target disabled people. Our adopted predator son was "best friends" with a boy from school who could not talk and had serious epilepsy. We have no idea what went on between them, but my eyes tear thinking about it. I'm sure he tried or d id something as the subject had no way to ask for help. He also tried to kill our animals and succeeded twice. He was so sweet to our face that we (husband and I) did not think he did the first dog, but the second one did him in as he was the only one home besides me and it wasn't me (cough). He was nice on the surface to all adults and children feared him enough to keep quiet. They believed he'd kill them or all of the family if they said anything. We had to make sure our other kids knew he would never be back and that we were done parenting him. I am not telling you to do this. But it was impossible for me and my husband to even look at him after we found out so we to do w hat we did and have never been sorry.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like this boy may have reactive attachment disorder, which happens if a child is abused or neglected or thrown to many caregivers early in his life so that during his formative years he learns not to care about other people; only himself. People then become what they can offer him, and they are no more than objects and they have no remorse for what t hey do. Without remorse it is hard to make them change. I don't know what his early years were like, but if birthmother had many boyfriends (some who may have touched him even if he doesn't remember) or if father checked out early and the infant/toddler was raised by various people...mom, grandma, aunt, cousin, foster care, etc...it can cause grave problems with the baby, who needs one consistent caregiver.</p><p></p><p>Not saying he has this, but you know more about his early years than we do. It's possible if he was not consistently loved by a stable mother or father in this earliest years.Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids often act out sexually as many have been abused, even though many (including our adopted son) don't remember the abuse.Obviously it happened whether he remembered it or not. When asked why he did it, he said, "I don't know." He DIDN'T know and was in treatment and was not cured. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is hard to treat. medications don't do the trick. Some never get better. Nobody knows quite how to treat them yet. there are many theories.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and more hugs. I well understand your angst.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676686, member: 1550"] To expand on what IC said, many abuse victims do not remember being abused until years later. I did not understand this coping mechanism until I was in a severe car accident. I remember NOTHING about that trauma. If I had not been in a hospital for ten weeks, I would not know I had ever been in an accident. Many abuse victims block out subconsciously all memory of the incident, but it often comes back later in patches and then that is when they freak out. Predators very often target disabled people. Our adopted predator son was "best friends" with a boy from school who could not talk and had serious epilepsy. We have no idea what went on between them, but my eyes tear thinking about it. I'm sure he tried or d id something as the subject had no way to ask for help. He also tried to kill our animals and succeeded twice. He was so sweet to our face that we (husband and I) did not think he did the first dog, but the second one did him in as he was the only one home besides me and it wasn't me (cough). He was nice on the surface to all adults and children feared him enough to keep quiet. They believed he'd kill them or all of the family if they said anything. We had to make sure our other kids knew he would never be back and that we were done parenting him. I am not telling you to do this. But it was impossible for me and my husband to even look at him after we found out so we to do w hat we did and have never been sorry. Sounds like this boy may have reactive attachment disorder, which happens if a child is abused or neglected or thrown to many caregivers early in his life so that during his formative years he learns not to care about other people; only himself. People then become what they can offer him, and they are no more than objects and they have no remorse for what t hey do. Without remorse it is hard to make them change. I don't know what his early years were like, but if birthmother had many boyfriends (some who may have touched him even if he doesn't remember) or if father checked out early and the infant/toddler was raised by various people...mom, grandma, aunt, cousin, foster care, etc...it can cause grave problems with the baby, who needs one consistent caregiver. Not saying he has this, but you know more about his early years than we do. It's possible if he was not consistently loved by a stable mother or father in this earliest years.Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids often act out sexually as many have been abused, even though many (including our adopted son) don't remember the abuse.Obviously it happened whether he remembered it or not. When asked why he did it, he said, "I don't know." He DIDN'T know and was in treatment and was not cured. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is hard to treat. medications don't do the trick. Some never get better. Nobody knows quite how to treat them yet. there are many theories. Hugs and more hugs. I well understand your angst. [/QUOTE]
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