husband said he could stay in the shed all night. He's got to learn that running off is a bad idea. husband said he expected that difficult child was waiting for him to coax him out, 'rescue' him from himself as husband has always done in the past. And he wasn't going to do it. It was safe, let him stay there all night.
So by 10 pm he hadn't come out. We live on a lake in a jungly area which means river rats. Usually they aren't a problem, but this is breeding season. difficult child hates rats, is kind of panicked by them (me too). Around Xmas he went through a phase of pouring syrup in his room, sugar, and once grinding Xmas fudge into the carpet. And he left his sliding door open without a screen against instructions and out of stubbornness--and low and behold one night a rat got in his room. It chewed on the clothes on the floor and left droppings on the dresser, etc... difficult child was sleeping on the floor because he'd syrupped his mattress and had cut it to shreds. A couple night later it was caught in a rat trap--difficult child freaked.
So husband and I were outside the shed talking about where to put the rat traps last night. The dog had been excited and sniffing around the grill which is next to the shed, and we've always had good luck there. And they seem to like behind the shed. And husband said maybe he ought to put one in the shed because he's seen droppings.
So difficult child was in the shed listening to this conversation and probably considering something he'd never considered before. But he still didn't come out.
At 11:30 my husband was puttering around the pool and heard, "Dad? Dad? Dad!" He ignored him. difficult child still would not come out. "Dad? Dad?"
husband went over and yelled at him, "What kind of games are you playing?" He stood at the entrance to the shed and yelled at him for running off, hiding, playing games, and being a fool (didn't say that, just implied it, repeating what I'd said earlier, if difficult child hadn't hidden himself, he would have gone to school and it would have been a regular day). difficult child blamed me, blamed the bus driver, tried crying, but husband said, "You can come out if you want or you can stay in there all night. I don't care."
difficult child stayed in the shed a few more minutes and came out. He was filthy, and stiff and sore. husband told him that this was the ONE time he was allowed to run off. Next time, difficult child would not be allowed back in for at least 2 nights and maybe an entire week. difficult child could sleeep in the shed or on the tramp or anywhere he pleased. Did he understand? DId he UNDERSTAND?
difficult child: "ok". Standard answer in a cool, impersonal 'whatever, freak' voice, just say 'ok' and 'I don't know' until the grown up gets tired of talking to you. It's maddening, and his supercilious response is almost worse than whatever he did to get himself in trouble.
difficult child then took a shower and went to bed. husband was upset for 2 hours after that. I calmed him down a bit, reminding him difficult child doesn't really have any place to go, or he would have gone there yesterday, and spent about 13 hours in the shed and probably won't be doing that again anytime soon, and the police never got involved, and no one ended up hurt, and difficult child didn't cause trouble between us, etc...
husband was beside himself. "Thirty years ago I could have just beat his butt, but you can't do that these days, you end up in jail, but that's what I want to do is just beat his butt."
I reminded him that even 30 years ago, he would NOT have beat anyone's butt, that that just isn't husband, and he's frustrated and doing his best.
difficult child is going to a wilderness camp 3 weeks this summer, for only $1000. We are also looking for an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) or a residential program that might take him for 30 days and really work on him. I have no idea how we would afford it tho. Maybe with our insurance? And we are going to contact the superintendent's office and see if they will put him in an alternative middle school next year.
difficult child has not burned all his bridges with us and the other kids, but the bridge or two he has left is pretty wobbly. The camp is a certainty; we probably won't be able to find a therapeutic program; and there's a 50/50 chance with the alternate school. But maybe sitting squashed in a hot, airless shed, jammed between boards and shelving for 13 hours wondering about rats and facing the reality that he has NO place else to go: no other family members, no friends, and a mother who's probably right now wandering the streets shouting at god in psychosis, might...might...MIGHT make him realize it's in his best interest to try to get along.
We are exhausted. Just exhausted.
So by 10 pm he hadn't come out. We live on a lake in a jungly area which means river rats. Usually they aren't a problem, but this is breeding season. difficult child hates rats, is kind of panicked by them (me too). Around Xmas he went through a phase of pouring syrup in his room, sugar, and once grinding Xmas fudge into the carpet. And he left his sliding door open without a screen against instructions and out of stubbornness--and low and behold one night a rat got in his room. It chewed on the clothes on the floor and left droppings on the dresser, etc... difficult child was sleeping on the floor because he'd syrupped his mattress and had cut it to shreds. A couple night later it was caught in a rat trap--difficult child freaked.
So husband and I were outside the shed talking about where to put the rat traps last night. The dog had been excited and sniffing around the grill which is next to the shed, and we've always had good luck there. And they seem to like behind the shed. And husband said maybe he ought to put one in the shed because he's seen droppings.
So difficult child was in the shed listening to this conversation and probably considering something he'd never considered before. But he still didn't come out.
At 11:30 my husband was puttering around the pool and heard, "Dad? Dad? Dad!" He ignored him. difficult child still would not come out. "Dad? Dad?"
husband went over and yelled at him, "What kind of games are you playing?" He stood at the entrance to the shed and yelled at him for running off, hiding, playing games, and being a fool (didn't say that, just implied it, repeating what I'd said earlier, if difficult child hadn't hidden himself, he would have gone to school and it would have been a regular day). difficult child blamed me, blamed the bus driver, tried crying, but husband said, "You can come out if you want or you can stay in there all night. I don't care."
difficult child stayed in the shed a few more minutes and came out. He was filthy, and stiff and sore. husband told him that this was the ONE time he was allowed to run off. Next time, difficult child would not be allowed back in for at least 2 nights and maybe an entire week. difficult child could sleeep in the shed or on the tramp or anywhere he pleased. Did he understand? DId he UNDERSTAND?
difficult child: "ok". Standard answer in a cool, impersonal 'whatever, freak' voice, just say 'ok' and 'I don't know' until the grown up gets tired of talking to you. It's maddening, and his supercilious response is almost worse than whatever he did to get himself in trouble.
difficult child then took a shower and went to bed. husband was upset for 2 hours after that. I calmed him down a bit, reminding him difficult child doesn't really have any place to go, or he would have gone there yesterday, and spent about 13 hours in the shed and probably won't be doing that again anytime soon, and the police never got involved, and no one ended up hurt, and difficult child didn't cause trouble between us, etc...
husband was beside himself. "Thirty years ago I could have just beat his butt, but you can't do that these days, you end up in jail, but that's what I want to do is just beat his butt."
I reminded him that even 30 years ago, he would NOT have beat anyone's butt, that that just isn't husband, and he's frustrated and doing his best.
difficult child is going to a wilderness camp 3 weeks this summer, for only $1000. We are also looking for an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) or a residential program that might take him for 30 days and really work on him. I have no idea how we would afford it tho. Maybe with our insurance? And we are going to contact the superintendent's office and see if they will put him in an alternative middle school next year.
difficult child has not burned all his bridges with us and the other kids, but the bridge or two he has left is pretty wobbly. The camp is a certainty; we probably won't be able to find a therapeutic program; and there's a 50/50 chance with the alternate school. But maybe sitting squashed in a hot, airless shed, jammed between boards and shelving for 13 hours wondering about rats and facing the reality that he has NO place else to go: no other family members, no friends, and a mother who's probably right now wandering the streets shouting at god in psychosis, might...might...MIGHT make him realize it's in his best interest to try to get along.
We are exhausted. Just exhausted.
