Even more hopeless. This morning discovered that he messaged his new 'mate from work' to ask for drugs. This, after a terrible night, where I was on the nebuliser for about four hours without relief. Desperate to ring the ambulance, but worried about how he would get to work. So, I just put his suitcase by the caravan and told him to start packing. he was very upset. Sorry, sorry, etc etc. I've heard it all before. Tried to convince him to go to drug anon or something for counselling, no go. He said he'll talk to his doctor about it; I said, but you're telling him you aren't using it., you're lying to him too. You need group counsellling where you can talk to people your age who've got off the stuff. He's not interested. Just don't know what to do. Asking blokes at work, whom he hardly knows, is just a red flag for trouble. He doesn't even know if they use it, he's just asking randomly. I tried to explain that they'll probably 'dob him in'. That they're sympathetic to disabilities, but not addicitions where they have a zero tolerance. Trying to explain that he's throwing his life away is a waste of time. I left it that I would think about whether he stays or goes. He'll know if I bring his suitcase this afternoon. There is a hotel near here that he could still get to work from. I wouldn't be surprised if he is sacked before the month is out. I just think I'm wasting my heart on him. It's been 11 long years. I think cherub needs my heart just now, she's so innocent and so needy. I don't know if I have anymore left for DS19.