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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747385" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am an older adult but I have experience with trauma therapy. I have been working with a trauma therapist for 6 months. After 3 months I asked my live in boyfriend to move out. I found my voice, too. There is no comparison between a young child and an old woman, but maybe there is a parallel of a sort.</p><p></p><p>I never felt strong enough with my birth family to take a stand for myself, neither as a child nor as an adult. I had had trauma as an infant. I wish my parents had known to take me to a trauma therapist so many years ago. That you gave your child this, is a great gift.</p><p></p><p>Today M and I were working on hanging pictures which is extremely stressful for us. He said I was aggressive all day long. What a victory for both of us. That I could be aggressive and that he would stay in the ring with me tolerating it, and not squashing me like a bug.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is when your child after being loving and close, turns on you with hostility and mouthiness. That is what happened with my son in his late teens. After a relationship that was extra-close it was extremely painful for me to lose this.</p><p></p><p>This is very helpful for me to read your posts, because I would want my child to connect to his true feelings, to have his voice and power, even if for a time he would direct this against me, as he has. The mistake I made with my son is taking personally his need to distance himself, through hostility. It was not personal. I don't want to be hypocritical here. So I will say again how hard this has been for me.</p><p></p><p>In my case I depended on my son for the love I did not feel from my family of origin. I can see that it was entirely right of him to assert himself and push away from me.</p><p></p><p>You see, my son had a life before he had me. How could this life not affect who he is, as much as what I gave him. He was in an orphanage until he was 22 months old. However much I had the fantasy I could counteract all of this history with love, this does not go away.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I think that many of us can have attachment issues, that there is a spectrum here just as on the autism spectrum. I think that your child is showing strength, rather than deficit by his recent behavior. But this does not make it easy or fun, not one bit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747385, member: 18958"] I am an older adult but I have experience with trauma therapy. I have been working with a trauma therapist for 6 months. After 3 months I asked my live in boyfriend to move out. I found my voice, too. There is no comparison between a young child and an old woman, but maybe there is a parallel of a sort. I never felt strong enough with my birth family to take a stand for myself, neither as a child nor as an adult. I had had trauma as an infant. I wish my parents had known to take me to a trauma therapist so many years ago. That you gave your child this, is a great gift. Today M and I were working on hanging pictures which is extremely stressful for us. He said I was aggressive all day long. What a victory for both of us. That I could be aggressive and that he would stay in the ring with me tolerating it, and not squashing me like a bug. I know how hard it is when your child after being loving and close, turns on you with hostility and mouthiness. That is what happened with my son in his late teens. After a relationship that was extra-close it was extremely painful for me to lose this. This is very helpful for me to read your posts, because I would want my child to connect to his true feelings, to have his voice and power, even if for a time he would direct this against me, as he has. The mistake I made with my son is taking personally his need to distance himself, through hostility. It was not personal. I don't want to be hypocritical here. So I will say again how hard this has been for me. In my case I depended on my son for the love I did not feel from my family of origin. I can see that it was entirely right of him to assert himself and push away from me. You see, my son had a life before he had me. How could this life not affect who he is, as much as what I gave him. He was in an orphanage until he was 22 months old. However much I had the fantasy I could counteract all of this history with love, this does not go away. Personally, I think that many of us can have attachment issues, that there is a spectrum here just as on the autism spectrum. I think that your child is showing strength, rather than deficit by his recent behavior. But this does not make it easy or fun, not one bit. [/QUOTE]
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