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What do I say to my kids?
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 681245" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>These two people are desperately sad and unfortunate. They were like that BEFORE their sons' deaths. I knew expecting that to improve was ridiculous. </p><p></p><p>mother in law is being cared for solely by father in law. Many years ago when my husband was still living, I saw disturbing evidence in their home of how they needed assistance. I asked my husband and his brother to take action. They attempted to confront their father. It did not go over well. The man is nasty tempered. No one can do much to help my pitiful, lonely, mother in law. She made her choice years ago to continue her life with this man. </p><p></p><p>He is now in charge of her chemotherapy. When she told me that fact, I was so relieved that my husband didn't have to hear it. father in law is incapable of keeping goldfish alive; I witnessed that. He has been unable to function for the past 20 years, but places his enormous sense of pride ahead of all reasonable action. No one can talk to him about anything. I mean that in the most literal sense. He will say "hello" and "good-bye" if you are lucky. There is no conversation in between. Zero. IF you are idiotic enough to ask him a question, he will yell at you. When neighbors brought them food after their sons died, he yelled at them, "We don't NEED any help!"</p><p></p><p>It was my husband's and my brother in law's duty to confront their father on behalf of their mother's care. They could not. I am not considered to be a relative, plus I am a lowly woman. I decided after my husband passed, that the care of my former in-laws was now in the hands of my brother in law. I focused on myself and my children. Now that brother in law is gone, each in-law has one brother (my husband's uncles) who is basically in charge of checking on them. Those uncles sometimes speak to me about the issues, but no one is able to influence father in law in the slightest. father in law is completely unreasonable. Oh, and both of the uncles are doctors. Both are intelligent and kind-hearted.</p><p></p><p>As I write all of this, I realize that father in law's issues predate my entering the family. Whether deliberate or subconscious, his typical actions are mean and irrational. He's lived through some tough times, I know. But he chose to withdraw from the world, and when he does interact with it, he attacks. </p><p></p><p>SO agrees with all of you. I should not tell my kids what I think might occur. Maybe I will be wrong. Please let me be wrong. I will speak to them of the not too distant passing of their elderly grandparents. </p><p></p><p>We are having lunch with them tomorrow. I don't think father in law will admit to any plan if he has one. If he does confess to anything actionable, I will contact the appropriate people. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for your support. This is a weighty burden.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 681245, member: 11832"] These two people are desperately sad and unfortunate. They were like that BEFORE their sons' deaths. I knew expecting that to improve was ridiculous. mother in law is being cared for solely by father in law. Many years ago when my husband was still living, I saw disturbing evidence in their home of how they needed assistance. I asked my husband and his brother to take action. They attempted to confront their father. It did not go over well. The man is nasty tempered. No one can do much to help my pitiful, lonely, mother in law. She made her choice years ago to continue her life with this man. He is now in charge of her chemotherapy. When she told me that fact, I was so relieved that my husband didn't have to hear it. father in law is incapable of keeping goldfish alive; I witnessed that. He has been unable to function for the past 20 years, but places his enormous sense of pride ahead of all reasonable action. No one can talk to him about anything. I mean that in the most literal sense. He will say "hello" and "good-bye" if you are lucky. There is no conversation in between. Zero. IF you are idiotic enough to ask him a question, he will yell at you. When neighbors brought them food after their sons died, he yelled at them, "We don't NEED any help!" It was my husband's and my brother in law's duty to confront their father on behalf of their mother's care. They could not. I am not considered to be a relative, plus I am a lowly woman. I decided after my husband passed, that the care of my former in-laws was now in the hands of my brother in law. I focused on myself and my children. Now that brother in law is gone, each in-law has one brother (my husband's uncles) who is basically in charge of checking on them. Those uncles sometimes speak to me about the issues, but no one is able to influence father in law in the slightest. father in law is completely unreasonable. Oh, and both of the uncles are doctors. Both are intelligent and kind-hearted. As I write all of this, I realize that father in law's issues predate my entering the family. Whether deliberate or subconscious, his typical actions are mean and irrational. He's lived through some tough times, I know. But he chose to withdraw from the world, and when he does interact with it, he attacks. SO agrees with all of you. I should not tell my kids what I think might occur. Maybe I will be wrong. Please let me be wrong. I will speak to them of the not too distant passing of their elderly grandparents. We are having lunch with them tomorrow. I don't think father in law will admit to any plan if he has one. If he does confess to anything actionable, I will contact the appropriate people. Thanks for your support. This is a weighty burden. [/QUOTE]
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