What do you Most Love about your difficult child/G'sFG?

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
difficult child has a great sense of humor! He can be very empathetic! He is a very sharing person! He can be very helpful-loves to clean the bathroom with Dad! He can be very charming. He is able to engage others in conversation-not a shy bone in his body! He is a cutie and what a peaceful guy when he is sleeping-lol!
 

happymomof2

New Member
difficult child is very kind hearted. As an example when he was younger Christmas was coming up and he hadn't mentioned anything he wanted. I finally ask him and he told me something he wanted to give his sister. Never did say what he wanted. He cleans his room and bathroom (most of the time) and takes showers without having to be told.

He also has a soft side and doesn't like to be seen crying about something of course but when something really gets to him he will and that touches me.

This is nice, gives us a break from all the complaining we do although most of it is warranted! lol
 

NOLA

New Member
I love that I found this post - what a great idea :smile:

Our son: Is great with younger children (he used to love helping them in school) - he has a fabulous sense of humor - he was always kind to the less popular kids - like most other difficult children mentioned here has to do things his way - has the most beautiful RED hair & blue eyes :smile: - has a memory like none other

Our daughter: Truly loves animals (more than people but she's working on that) - taught herself to play the piano & guitar - sings beautifully & has written 100+ songs - is a true beauty - can be extremely focused & persuading when she chooses (homeschooled herself junior year & completed all courses on-line) so she could have more time to devote to her music

Neither realizes how special they really are - I hope they do one day :smile:

I also love the memories they have both given me - that gives me the strength to keep looking forward - thanks toto
 

Steely

Active Member
Matt's empathy, that has always been so inherent, seems lacking as of late.........although I know it is there...........it may be just covered by his teenage angst and darkness.

What is emerging instead as his most predominate positive trait is his humor. He is hilarious. He is witty, clever, and undeniably funny. His humor makes our good times, just that much better.

He is also amazingly smart. Not book smart necessarily - but knowing the answer to the million dollar question on Who Wants to be a Millonaire smart. He is amazing. And people smart, he can look at someone and know exactly what they are thinking.

I love him so much. It is hard to watch him grow up sometimes.
 

PersonalEnigma

New Member
Great post :smile: I don't know where to start with my difficult child. To me he's the greatest kid I could ask for. Yes, he has his problems, but to me he's still a wonderful kid.

I love that he has a mind of his own. I love that he is a super loving and cuddly kid. I love that he's a fantastic big brother to his new baby sister. I love that he has zest for life and always makes things more interesting (nothing like going to the fair or other event with him). I love that he is incredibly smart and is open to pretty much any topic he comes across (even if it isn't necessarily age-suitable LOL). I love the way that he will go out of his way to comfort or help another kid who needs it. I love that he is a leader and has a wonderful ability to express his opinions on things. I love that he will play games with a remarkable eye for strategy for his age. I love the way that he will do his best to comfort and take care of me when I am having a bad day.

The list goes on and on :smile:

Many of the things I love about difficult child tie in to his various issues. I wish that he could be the same incredible kid without the outbursts and melt-downs. He drives me absolutely crazy sometimes and wears me right out many days, but I still love him the way he is. I pray that we can make it through these rough times because I just KNOW that he'll be an incredible man when he grows up. I see so much of his dad in him, with a strong dose of his mom, and I know that he has SO much potential in the long run. I just pray he doesn't do himself in before he can realise it. I love his so much that it breaks my heart to see him struggling the way he is and I wish so much that I could just make it all better.
 

Hopeless

....Hopeful Now
My difficult child is a bright, smart, attractive and artistic girl. She has a smile that lights up the room. She has a big heart for the homeless people in our area.
 

LittleDudesMom

Well-Known Member
I love my difficult child because of who is his - he has a great sense of humor, he has great sensativity. He is loving. He wants to please. He understands that he deals with issues that most other kids don't. He loves his mom a whole lot! He's a pretty deep thinker and definately thinks outside the box. He is creative and such a ham, but at the same time he is shy. His laugh and smile can brighten my day and an unanticipated hug can make that day. He can take joy out of the little things in life. He is really savvy when it comes to tech stuff so I can ask him questions about my computer and he usually knows the answer! There's so much that I love about the little dude. Plus he's just so darn cute!

Thanks for the topic and opportunity to share. I didn't get a chance to read other's replies this morning, but I'll be back late this afternoon to read about your difficult children!

Sharon
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
I had to think about this thread before answering. An answer didn't just pop into my head.

I would answer this very differently before 18 than after 18. Expectations change and must change or I will treat him like he is a teen instead of the dignity that a young man should be treated. Unfortunately, with adulthood come responsibilities and function that my difficult child still struggles with. There are times when I can see that others wander away from him. He can enter a room and clear it out with his incessant talking or lecturing about a topic that is very obscure. It is very painful to watch. He thinks he is being social and everyone should appreciate it. His disability interferes with accurate social radar or the ability to adequately evaluate his own behavior. I continue to remind family that he is not an "It" but a person. It's easy to just walk away with no regard for the person inside difficult child screaming to connect to someone.

The 20's are the age that most parents start to see the fruits of their hard almost gut wrenching work. Small achievements that could only be dreamed about in their teens are starting to wiggle through into difficult child awareness. It is difficult to be patient with a difficult child who struggles with the level of disability and the equal level of ability who can't quite figure it out.

Before he was 18, he was a bright, cheerful, sweet hearted young man who was generous to a fault and would champion the under dog at his own expense. He was one of the Mysterymen(if any of you saw that silly movie)
difficult child has the potential to be quite the leader in a small pond and to be able to help those who are feeling more of an outcast than he. A new student in his dorm was struggling with severe anxiety. He paced, couldn't make eye contact, babbled incessently and was unable to function. difficult child pulled him into his band of "misfits"(I use this term lovingly but for descriptive purposes). Helped this young man to find a niche. Everyone accepted and helped him within the group. Eventually the young man settled into a routine and loved, absolutely loved difficult child. Continues to communicate with him and tells me my difficult child is their group leader.
I knew none of this but the mother of this boy contacted me. Thanked me with tears in her eyes that her son had friends for the first time in his life. It is a huge gift to me that she shared this story.

Now he stands at the precipice of adulthood. Struggling to figure out what he is supposed to do and be even though his natural oppositional (maybe leadership) personality wants to overshadow. He instinctively wants to say that how he is is good enough but intellectually he knows if he wants an independent life he will have to work. He will have to meet minimium standards of responsibility.

At this point, I love him simply because he is mine.

I was recently reminded that the maternal child bond can fray but it will not be broken. It surprised me because I thought I was pretty realistic and practical. I make my decisions in that way. When put to the test of walking away or confronting those who think we should stop and give up, I was surprised by willingness to give up much to keep hope going for my son's future.
 

trinityroyal

Well-Known Member
This is a great post.

I had to think very carefully about this. difficult child and I have been struggling a lot over the last several months, and his departure for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) brought with it a huge sense of relief. Having him home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) over Christmas was incredibly hard, and brought a lot of the negative feelings back to the surface, so this thread has been a wonderful opportunity to put the negatives aside and reflect on why I love difficult child.

He's incredibly charming
He's a very compassionate young man
He keeps a cool head in a crisis, and often comes up with a logical and helpful solution
He cares passionately about things
He still believes in Santa Claus, even though he's 18 (even wrote him a letter this year, asking for help with his struggles...melted my heart)
HE finds great pleasure in small things. When he opened his Christmas gifts this year, he said "Cool! I got so many books I'm gonna be reading for months!"

Thanks for reminding me that underneath all of the difficult behaviour and other issues, there is a delightful lovely boy.

Trinity
 
What a great topic! I think it's an important one. When things get really bad it can be hard to remember the good side. Especially when you haven't seen that side in a good, long while.

My difficult child: He is so smart (though grades You can have such mature, in-depth, intelligent conversations with him. We have great talks about current events, politics, etc. He can be bashful and when talking about girls blushes. He is loyal to a fault. He doesn't want anyone saying anything bad about his family (extended too) or friends. He's always out to defend the underdog. He has a real sense of right and wrong. He's extremely sensitive to fairness (this is good and bad). Freshman year he jumped in the middle of a fight at school because two brothers were beating up a kid he knew from the Haunted House and had split his face open with a lock. He didn't even like the kid but felt the fight was unfair and felt a sense of loyalty to the kid since they worked the HH together every year. Though he treats his little brother terribly he once tried to hunt down a kid who had hit his brother with a stick in the park. He's the kid that will always talk to and work with the "disabled" kids. He treats them like they're cool kids, just like anyone else in their grade. He LIKES them instead of feeling pitty, or even a sense of responsibility towards them. Despite the fact that he doesn't like our mostly crabby elderly neighbor he helps her carry in her groceries, change a lightbulb, etc. He helps our landlord (who's not always in god health) with the yard work and big spring plantings, helps her carry in groceries, etc. He holds the door for everyone. Old ladies always comment on how sweet and polite he is. He's honest (mostly) and opinionated, also to a fault. You always know where you stand with him. He's all upfront. He was the one that was concerned about me when I came home sick and fell asleep on the couch and he could see me shivering with the chills, etc while I slept. He demanded that I be woken up and have my temp taken. He was truely concerned.

My easy child is sweet and fun. He can make anything fun. Most of us wish we were more like him that way. He rolls with the punches. He's a major cutie and has a smile that gets him out of trouble with people that don't know better. He's willing to stand up for others. He's very loyal to his friends (and even when questioned by the police wouldn't rat them out, sigh..). He's kind and he's nice to me. He's also nice to the "disabled kids" the same way his brother is. He tries hard in school and is a good athlete. He also carries in groceries, etc for the elderly neighbor and landlady. He holds doors and also receives the comments from the "old ladies". He's funny, really funny. Always has a positive attitude. Always up for trying soemthing new. A budding chef. Mostly he's sweet and fun.

This was a really healthy exercise that we should all do once in a while.
 

totoro

Mom? What's a difficult child?
I am so touched by all of these replies, it is like a book of our children... the sides we don't get the time to share with each other enough.
I really appreciate your point of view Fran. I see the separation from youth to adulthood, I can only imagine that it is painful for us.
K was walking with husband outside and just started to a family across the street 2 days ago, "I am 6, I am 6" husband said, "K, what are you doing?"
She, confused, he asked her if she realized she was yelling at the top of her lungs at those people? She said I was just just thinking things in my head???
He tried to explain that she was actually yelling... she does stuff like that all of the time, as a child, she can get away with it to some degree...
But adults are not allowed to walk down the street yelling out random things.
So Fran's post does give me pause and makes me think...
I love reading these and they are making me smile this morning.... I wish I had little pictures of the kids next to each post!!!
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I am more on Fran's side of the fence now though I can still vividly remember the little boy days. Back then it seemed like they were constantly on the go and happy little imps. I loved the sports days.

I miss those days.

Now one of the things I love the best about my little family is how close we all are. I dont care what happens inside our family we all pull together like glue. There is a bond between us that I dont think will ever be broken. The boys are closer than I ever thought they would be when they were growing up. They truly love each other even if they dont like some of the actions each of them make. They can get mad at each other but no one else better hurt one of them or there will be heck to pay. They also have great smiles and adore their mom and dad! And they make adorable baby girls...lol.
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
I, too, had to give this a lot of thought.

I love his physical strength and energy ... ironically, also what bothers me the most! But we are finally seeing the fruits of our labors by funneling all that energy into good things.

He still likes to cuddle and occasionally will hold my hand in public.

He loves animals.

He makes funny faces and is developing a good sense of humor.

Despite his meltdowns, he still loves me and is very loyal. He misses me a lot when I go out of town. Sometimes I forget that underneath it all, he's just a little kid who has difficulty controlling himself and he definitely needs love, consistency and boundaries.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Ok, here we go.
My daughter who is 23 and once used heavy drugs is a hero of mine because she's strong and brave and turned her life around. She is also very loving and kind and extremely loyal.

My fourteen year old autistic son has such a sweet soul that I swear he's made of sugar. He has such a good heart and tries so hard and I know he will reach the max of his limits because he's such a hard worker. This child has the BEST manners and is beloved by everyone he meets.
 

Andrea Danielle

New Member
Hey Totoro, I haven't been here in awhile. I always watch for your posts when I do come on the site. I love your question. It gets us to focus on the good, which is always needed.
What I love about my difficult child is that he has a great sense of humour, no one can make me laugh like him. There is nothing boring about him. It is hard to be serious when he comes out with his statements. Today, my husband asked him to go to his happy place because he was so mad at his brother, and Liam told us that he was in his happy place - as ruler of the world. I knew that was his plan all along!!! It was just so funny to hear him say it!!!
There are a lot of good things to balance out all of the horrible things!

Take care,
Andrea
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I love my difficult child's sense of humor.
I love his willingness to hug me, even though he HATES to be hugged.

I love his intelligence. He is just so smart, his mind is fascinating.

I love his gift with words. He wrote an essay for a college correspondence English class (he is in high school, but is taking this per gma's directive) and I got to read the rough draft. It was much better than most of the finished essays I have ever read (and I was a grader for a number of professors in college and in high school). It was so good his teacher apparently spent a lot of time online trying to find out where he copied it from!

I love the way he is truly remorseful about the things he has done to us.

I hate that he is still upset with himself about the nerve damage in my hand, but I LOVE that he has the ability to feel remorse and regret. For a long time we did not think this was possible.

I love his humor, the bad puns, and the funny things he finds on the net to show me.

Even more, I love that the only ones he shows me are APPROPRIATE!!!

Great thread, I think sometimes we forget to focus on the wonderful things about our children. If they didn't have these wonderful things, we wouldn't work so hard to overcome the bad things.

Susie
 

sameold sameold

New Member
Hmmm-I love my difficult child for who he is-he loves me unconditionally most days. Even tho he can be heavy on the critism-he loves to see his parents at any time day or night. He is very passionate in things he believes in and will go all out to get you to see his side. He is a smart, caring young man. He is the apple of my eye. He makes us stop in our busy minds and think.
 
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