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what do you say to difficult child when.....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 692918" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Engaging when a person is in such a state is pretty useless in terms of making any positive progress. I made this mistake for years. Finally I got some books that made sense to me regarding parenting my teen. I found Parenting Your Teen With Love and Logic to be incredibly helpful. It drove my oldest nuts because it put the problems back in his court for action rather than giving him the outlet of ranting for so long that whatever we asked of him could not be accomplished in whatever time was left in the day.</p><p></p><p>One thing I learned in therapy was to walk away and discuss the problem when everyone is calm. When the ranting and emotional dumping starts, the phrase "Lets talk about this later when we are calm" is a great thing.</p><p></p><p>You do have to teach him what to do with all that energy. My mom had us scrub the bathtub but it just made me angrier. I worked in a used bookstore and kept a stack of unwanted books (who needs 37 copies of Jaws? or 12 copies of old Harlequin romances?) that I would tear into pieces when I got angry. Generally I revere books, but the ones I destroyed were truly unwanted and they gave me a safe outlet for anger. My brother would pound things with a hammer, but he created some real problems by just hammering on rndome things. Pounding nails with a hammer would be fine, but just hitting the sidewalk or a wall or even an appliance? Not the greatest or safest, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 692918, member: 1233"] Engaging when a person is in such a state is pretty useless in terms of making any positive progress. I made this mistake for years. Finally I got some books that made sense to me regarding parenting my teen. I found Parenting Your Teen With Love and Logic to be incredibly helpful. It drove my oldest nuts because it put the problems back in his court for action rather than giving him the outlet of ranting for so long that whatever we asked of him could not be accomplished in whatever time was left in the day. One thing I learned in therapy was to walk away and discuss the problem when everyone is calm. When the ranting and emotional dumping starts, the phrase "Lets talk about this later when we are calm" is a great thing. You do have to teach him what to do with all that energy. My mom had us scrub the bathtub but it just made me angrier. I worked in a used bookstore and kept a stack of unwanted books (who needs 37 copies of Jaws? or 12 copies of old Harlequin romances?) that I would tear into pieces when I got angry. Generally I revere books, but the ones I destroyed were truly unwanted and they gave me a safe outlet for anger. My brother would pound things with a hammer, but he created some real problems by just hammering on rndome things. Pounding nails with a hammer would be fine, but just hitting the sidewalk or a wall or even an appliance? Not the greatest or safest, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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