What do you think?

[TYLERFAN]

To be honest, I'm starting to think that our kids,who for the most part,have a conduct disorder/drug addict problem, that they have even less of a chance than "normal" addicts....
I keep asking myself...Why doesn't my difficult child improve over time? Even improve her household skills, her executive thinking skills, her prioritizing skills... and I never see an improvement. I think because her Psychiatrict disorder produces the disorganized thinking pattern, she refuses medications, therefore, she can never be in a "state" to be receptive and acceptive of a 12 step program.......
Does this make any sense to you guys?

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[everywoman]

Makes perfect sense to me. I believe that difficult child's impulsivity and anxiety keep him from doing what he needs to do to function. I honestly don't know if he's clean or not. He says he is---I have doubts. He is not functioning in an adult fashion. He is still not working and having a hard time even finding a menial job that will hire him. It is frustrating for me, but I can't imagine how he must feel when his little sister walks in a major retail store and is hired on the spot after he has interviewed at numerous places with not luck. She has moved out on her own, and he is still stuck in the same place he was at 14!

 

[Sunlight]

ant is VERY impulsive and short fused. he has never gotten over that part, but he does keep his household clean now. he cannot manage money...he spends every cent he has even if there is no more coming.
his dad was/is the same way and has a person who handles his money for him. part of it is heredity.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

I remember the counselor said when difficult child's start "using", their developmental/social age stops. In other words they barely learn any more social skills. It balances out later on.....but it seems to take forever.

 

[hearthope]

I agree with Sunny. Most things I have studied on addiction say that the person's level of emotional and mental maturity stays at the age of the start of the drug use.

To share another view ~

My sis is 27. Until she moved to another state living beside her inlaws 3 yrs ago, she was not a housekeeper.

I think she settled down finally and figured out who she was and what she wanted...until then, she couldn't keep order around her. Her entire house was always upside down.

 

[KFld]

My difficult child has adhd and was always a total slob and I believed he could never be organized or clean up after himself. Now he's been in the soberhouse for around 8 months and his room is spotless. His bed is always made, which really blew my mind when he came to VT. with us. I walked by the room he slept in the first morning after he got up and his bed was made!! His suitcase was opened on the floor with his clothes folded neatly in it also. Not only is his room at home always clean, but his clothes are all hung neatly and he has to do his own laundry, and his clothes are always clean when I see him.

I attribute this to two major things.
1. I am not there to do it for him anymore
and
2. He has been clean for 9 months.

They are probably all capable of doing these things, when they are at the place in there lives when it matters to them and nobody else is doing it for them.

When my son was using, he could have cared less what his room or anything of his looked like. It just was not important. Now that he has a clear head, I guess it matters.