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Substance Abuse
What do you wish you had said to your child about drugs?
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 679740" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>With oldest son, I was very very strict--on the authoritarian and dictatorial plane. It didn't work. That was failure without a doubt. He had been kicked out for bringing marijuana in the house after being forewarned many times over. I had two younger ones at the time. I don;t know the whole approach may have something to do with what went wrong.</p><p></p><p>Middle child, I never had to say much to her. She just doesn't get into any drugs. She didn't even seem curious about it. She tried drinking Vodka once, threw up and that was the end of it.</p><p></p><p>Youngest son, almost 18 now and a senior in high school. I thought since being very authoritative and almost dictatorial with oldest didn't work at all, I thought I would try a different approach. Almost a Person Centered, Gentle Teaching Approach.</p><p></p><p>With youngest I knew he was going to be faced with lots of drugs around his peers. I took more of an educator role and a softer approach I always told him if he tried anything like marijuana, to be very careful with the fact that even things he thinks are not that bad, could hurt him very badly. Taught him all about how people could "lace" it with more harmful substances, etc.</p><p></p><p>I taught him all about all the drugs and what it could lead to as far as ruining his future/messing the whole family's lives up/etc. Told him I am always here if he has any questions. </p><p></p><p>Most of all, told him I know the chances of his peers pressuring him into trying these things were high...I know he may even feel like he has to try these things to "fit in", and that if he ever needed an "out", to call and have me come pick him up with a "made up" excuse (before he drove). Also asked him to call me, I would not be upset if he needed a ride for "drinking" or something. He always knows I am a phone call away. </p><p></p><p>Equally important was to teach him that if he does try marijuana, to do it in "moderation", drinking too. Everything in "moderation". Of course I don't mean hard drugs. I don't like marijuana either personally, but kids try it...they undoubtedly will experiment, most of them. I know I did. I also openly talked to him about "acid", hallucinogenics, etc. Told him stories of people I knew when I was younger who had ODd and/or lost their minds forever. </p><p></p><p>I just always had an open dialogue with him about all of it. Without judging would and still will listen to whatever he wants to talk about.</p><p></p><p>I read a book awhile back on communicating with teens and I learned this way in that book...wish I could remember the book.</p><p></p><p>The softer approach seems to have worked with him. Then again, he also saw the different approach with older Son, I don't know. </p><p></p><p>Hard to say, but one other thing I did right by him, is that whatever other extra curricular activities he was interested in, I was on board with, no matter how much I wanted him to play soccer, so I could be a soccer mom, I just let him choose what he was interested in (acting, higher achievement learning classes, gymnastics, mensa, theater), I let him do it. I learned that as long as he was doing things he loves, he didn't have time to do the "bad" stuff.</p><p></p><p>With older son, I almost didn't listen well enough. I know this. I wasn't the mom to him I am to the younger ones. Sad, but I was just so busy, he almost went unheard often. We did karate together and I had to quit. He wanted to be at Boy Scouts, but I could not let him often, because I had to work so much...</p><p></p><p>I think it's not so much about what we talk to them about about drugs, it's how we listen to them and push them into things they like or are interested in....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 679740, member: 20063"] With oldest son, I was very very strict--on the authoritarian and dictatorial plane. It didn't work. That was failure without a doubt. He had been kicked out for bringing marijuana in the house after being forewarned many times over. I had two younger ones at the time. I don;t know the whole approach may have something to do with what went wrong. Middle child, I never had to say much to her. She just doesn't get into any drugs. She didn't even seem curious about it. She tried drinking Vodka once, threw up and that was the end of it. Youngest son, almost 18 now and a senior in high school. I thought since being very authoritative and almost dictatorial with oldest didn't work at all, I thought I would try a different approach. Almost a Person Centered, Gentle Teaching Approach. With youngest I knew he was going to be faced with lots of drugs around his peers. I took more of an educator role and a softer approach I always told him if he tried anything like marijuana, to be very careful with the fact that even things he thinks are not that bad, could hurt him very badly. Taught him all about how people could "lace" it with more harmful substances, etc. I taught him all about all the drugs and what it could lead to as far as ruining his future/messing the whole family's lives up/etc. Told him I am always here if he has any questions. Most of all, told him I know the chances of his peers pressuring him into trying these things were high...I know he may even feel like he has to try these things to "fit in", and that if he ever needed an "out", to call and have me come pick him up with a "made up" excuse (before he drove). Also asked him to call me, I would not be upset if he needed a ride for "drinking" or something. He always knows I am a phone call away. Equally important was to teach him that if he does try marijuana, to do it in "moderation", drinking too. Everything in "moderation". Of course I don't mean hard drugs. I don't like marijuana either personally, but kids try it...they undoubtedly will experiment, most of them. I know I did. I also openly talked to him about "acid", hallucinogenics, etc. Told him stories of people I knew when I was younger who had ODd and/or lost their minds forever. I just always had an open dialogue with him about all of it. Without judging would and still will listen to whatever he wants to talk about. I read a book awhile back on communicating with teens and I learned this way in that book...wish I could remember the book. The softer approach seems to have worked with him. Then again, he also saw the different approach with older Son, I don't know. Hard to say, but one other thing I did right by him, is that whatever other extra curricular activities he was interested in, I was on board with, no matter how much I wanted him to play soccer, so I could be a soccer mom, I just let him choose what he was interested in (acting, higher achievement learning classes, gymnastics, mensa, theater), I let him do it. I learned that as long as he was doing things he loves, he didn't have time to do the "bad" stuff. With older son, I almost didn't listen well enough. I know this. I wasn't the mom to him I am to the younger ones. Sad, but I was just so busy, he almost went unheard often. We did karate together and I had to quit. He wanted to be at Boy Scouts, but I could not let him often, because I had to work so much... I think it's not so much about what we talk to them about about drugs, it's how we listen to them and push them into things they like or are interested in.... [/QUOTE]
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