What fool decided......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, May 1, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    that having a 13 y/o attend an IEP mtg was a good idea? Especially a 13 y/o with moderate/severe mental & emotional issues/illnesses? A 13 y/o who doesn't have the ability to make safe choices?

    Our mtg this morning was nothing more than being told there would be no transition. I don't know if SD thought having kt in attendance would stop my rather abrupt explosion of protest or not - doesn't matter. Didn't stop me. I'm generally diplomatic above all things - not this morning.

    I asked kt to leave the room - this was a matter for the adults to discuss. kt didn't protest - SD did. I quoted MN law which states that my daughter's IEP didn't transfer to her until the age of 17 & there is no law which stipulates she must attend these mtgs before that. SD backed down.

    My first question to SD was why, if knowing there would be no transition, they didn't call & cancel this mtg? Why waste taxpayers dollars by having CADI manager & mental health CM in attendance to be told "no".

    SD wanted to know how I felt about it. Hellooooooo! What a load. The reality is that SD want these schools & day treatments to run like small businesses but they do not know how to do that.

    I asked what other options were on the table. Basically, what has been offered as a comprimise & accepted (after some little debate) is that kt start at the high school after extended school year this summer. If kt is falling apart in the new HS setting she will be transferred back to day treatment - it's being written in the IEP. I asked for very specific criteria for transfer back to day treatment. Highest in my mind is to include kt's "perceived" anxieties which lead to dissociative states versus what is the reality to the rest of us. It must be included as part of the criteria.

    On another note, I asked day treatment to have information on the schools to which SD is recommending a student be transferred to on hand. It's too difficult to be asked which school &/or program you'd like your child to transfer(graduate) to with-o information. Being told to call that school & set up a tour isn't an answer. SD & staff should have some very basic answers on hand to at least reassure a parent that transferring their child from a very contained, very safe setting to a contained, yet large high school setting.

    I again today asked very specific questions about the program/school kt would be transferred to - again "I don't know - you'll have to take a tour." I let the director of this program that the referral to her program included some very basic information along with a great deal of pretty specific information. It helped me decide to tour that program & keep an open mind - one way or another about kt's attendance.

    In the end, kt knew I wasn't angry with her. I informed her that adults make many decisions on behalf of their children - in the best interest of their children everyday. Most of the time kt hasn't a clue what type of decisions I make for her. From what to make for dinner, what medications to take, etc, etc, etc.

    Thanks for letting me vent! I hate showcasing! I hate not being prepared - being clueless to what questions must come up in parent mtgs daily.

    I'm done- thanks for listening.
  2. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    THat sounds EXACTLY to the letter how it went with my Buffy at middle school - to- HS time.....
    I agree, I did not think it all so wise for Buffy to be AT the meetings, ours got pretty nasty, ugly, adversarial- BUT in the end it showed Buffy just HOW MUCH I WAS advocating FOR her......it let her SEE I WAS trying so hard, BUT, yup- it really hit her hard, caused her severe anxiety overload and stress incredible to see the school behave so nasty and mean and uncompromiseing.
    Our sd steadfastly refused to do any meeting without her---quite difficult due to Buffys extra extreme panic attacks and generalized anxiety.

    I can say- for me- for Buffy---the sd demanded Buffy begin HS in mainstream HS....after haveigng been in her tiny self contained class of less than 8 kids-all boys- short school day, their own seperate bus, for a few years- it was a huge set up to fail situation, and fail Buffy did, BIG TIME..how they ever thought she could go from her tiny tiny short day to a full blown change classes every 50 mins giant sized school in one leap is still beyond my belief. ANd when Buffy DID fail-(more accurately, when the school failed her) it was nowhere near as simple as they had implied to put something else in place.....the school just simple did NOT want to accept any responsibility/accountability at all--AND.....the "failure" hit Buffy hard as if it were her own personal failure-----which- in my opinion it was NOT. Pushing her THAT hard into a situation she was nowhere near ready to cope was outright abuse, in my opinion------and it had devastating effects on her.

    When my son was supposed to move on to middle school from elem, after missing the entire year of last year of elem due to eye injury, surgeries------he was BEFFORE the injury 3 grade levels below his peers work wise----and the eye set him back who knows how much (becuz he could not see for a year, and then was one eyed) - his elem school fought tooth and nail at my recommendation to hold him back in elem one more year-----and elem kept trying to say middle school would transition him per their own plans...except middle school refused to come to IEP meetings, and kept telling me informally, nope, there would be no iep accomodations in place prior to middle school starting........they would "see how he did" I did not give them a chance, as I had already seen how my sd handles transitioning anyone.....middle school warned me they would deny him his IEP ordered alphasmart, extended time on tests and help with oral learning with handwriting as a seperate subject. No more reading tutor......no thanks. just how far did they think my son would get being unable to read or write? In a standard class? and NO transition? And sadly all this had to be discussed in sons presence. UG!

    Good luck- I do not envy you. been there done that. twice, in spite of takeing sd to court and due process.........
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I had the SD do this sort of thing with me with Travis a few times. Finally I told them he was not allowed to attend meetings. They didn't like it, but too bad. They wanted him there because they knew he'd say he could do things that he can't and that meant they could use it as an excuse not to include certain services into his IEP.

    In his senior year when he did turn 17 and SD wanted him to attend, I again said no. There was no need for a new meeting. He was graduating, and was flourishing in the Tech school. Ticked them off but I didn't care.

    I swear everytime they wanted him to attend they were attempting to remove his IEP.

    And they wondered why I refused to put one into place for Nichole. ugh

    I so hear your frustration. And it reminds me why I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that any longer.

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I love that you quoted the law to them! There is no way my difficult child will be attending his own IEP meetings for a long, long time if ever. It's good you have set up criteria for kt to be transferred back if need be. How frustrating to be told to just take a tour!

    Praying the transition goes well for kt.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    It would be disasterous if my difficult child were to attend one of the IEP meetings!!

    Question - so she will go to extended school at her current placement this summer and then go to high school cold turkey? No aide? No 1/2 days first? That's what it sounded like you were saying. That doesn't sound like a transition to me......

  6. Penta

    Penta New Member

    I admire the way you advocate for your child! Sending my best thoughts that the high school transition goes well and safely.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow, good luck. I cringe to think what would happen if you did not know your rights and have some knowledge of the education laws.
  8. Blondie

    Blondie New Member

    Linda, Good for you girl! been there done that too, as others have said. WHY dont these SDs know their own rules?? ACK!


    Blondie, steaming on your behalf
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt will be transferred to a new program setting effective the 2008/09 school year.

    The caveat is that in her new IEP there is a safety net ~ transfer back to day treatment program if kt struggles to maintain at her current level.

    The IEP is in continuation as myself, mental health CM & CADI manager asked SD to include very objective criteria for transfer back to day treatment setting (as that part of the IEP team knows kt best in the school setting). I have yet to see that written into her IEP. I have also asked for successful interventions used by the school part of the IEP team be included in the new IEP ~ that information might possibly bar kt from an unwarranted transfer back to day treatment.

    Let's face it ~ kt no longer needs level 4. The new program will be level 3 & is in our district. Finally, a school where she can meet friends that live in our neighborhood.

    Sharon, to answer your question, there will be no transition period. kt will finish up level 4 ESY the first week of August & start level 3 program at the beginning of the new school year the day after Labor Day. ESY will be working all summer with kt to help with the transition, including lunch with her favorite therapist mid September. Additionally, I will be utilizing Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) services during the summer to help kt work on some of the needed skills for use in a large school setting. There will be one on one aides working with kt all day every day.

    I expect this summer to be very busy for ktbug. I'm hoping to keep her busy & include a couple of fun activities as well. She'd like to start guitar lessons & tai kwon do (sp?).

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Way To Go, Linda. Sounds like you held your ground and despite the fact you implied you were emotional, you stayed on track with-specifics.
    So sorry they flaked out. Again.
    Best of luck.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like you did a great job advocating for ktbug. Sorry the SD is such a horse's behind.

    we have a 504 mtg for thank you tomorrow am. I will give husband a listof what needs to be in there. If not, don't sign. I can't deal with these right now, 4th day of a migraine, and soem other problems. I hate these meetings. And the Occupational Therapist (OT) won't return my calls (she told me she would only talk to husband as HE was at the 504 mtg!! ).

    I hope htey actually DO write the objectives in the IEP. Good Luck!

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Soooooooooooo ya suppose they were all sittin' in the teachers lounge on air doughnuts today?


  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You're a wonderful :warrior: mom and a fantastic advocate for kt!!! I wish I could take you to one of my meetings, lol!!!

    I hope kt does well during the summer and is able to handle the level 3 program successfully!!! I have my fingers crossed that all goes well and kt is finally able to make some friends who are in her own neighborhood!!! WFEN

    P.S. To date, difficult child 2 does not attend his Team Meetings. husband and I know that emotionally, there is no way he would be able to handle what is being discussed without totally falling apart. His anxiety levels would be sky-high!!! So far, the SD hasn't fought us on this.