What is it with difficult child and hospitals?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Nov 26, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Nevermind - just a rant.
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2008
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Rant away, Jo. We're listening.

  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Your so funny you started than stopped. Dont' be silly go right ahead and rant away!!!
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Course, now we're all curious. Could you please rant so we know what is going on? sheesh!!!!
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    difficult child ended up in the hospital yesterday due to dehydration. This is just one more time of many times.

    It's because she doesn't eat right (we have food in the house) and she doesn't drink enough water (plent of that too!). Her ketones were up and she was dehydrated, sugar levels were down - this has happened before and she knows better. It was just aggravating, especially before a holiday, that's all.

    The hospital we were at was awful, unresponsive and her nurse was just plain rude at times. It was more than I could take at the time and it just pss'ed me off. They hooked her up to an IV for fluids which was fine, but after that they basically neglected her (and me) and left her sitting in the room, she was shivering she was so cold and she turned gray from lack of food. They kept promising crackers, but never came through. I was feeding her mints from my bag. I didn't even meet the ER DR until he came in to tell her she could go home after 4.5 hours. The monitor was binging and the IV bag had been empty over an hour by that point. We have some great hospitals nearer to our home, but this one is near her school so they took her there.

    So, I lost a 1/2 day of work, H lost a 1/2 day of work and easy child had to cancel an appointment so she could go with H to pick up difficult child's car. And she missed work too! And all of it could have been prevented if difficult child would only eat at least ONE meal a day and drink something other than coffee. She knows this. I told her she's paying the $75 co-pay, not me and luckily they had her sign all the paperwork, so the bill should come in her name, not mine, which is awesome for a change!

    So, basically, that was my rant. After I wrote it...I later was looking at the rest of the this board and saw that my rant was nothing compared to many. At least she's not really sick and at least she's not inpatient far far away. Relatively speaking, life is good. So I deleted it. So, that's it.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Don't be silly "all" rants count regardless. It's all relative we all go through different things at different times. Dont' ever feel bad for venting, sheesh i certainly vent away when I need to.

    Sometimes hearing others just validate you and hear you and show they care fills your glass back up again and you can get up the next day and get ready for the day again.

    So, is there anything that you can do regarding this, i mean i'm sure you have tried alot of different things. I guess there aren't any vitamin supplements that can be given to keep her somewhat balanced when the food intake isnt' what it should be.

    Hospitals can be so insane and ridiclous, especially if you go in during shift change time with the nurses on call it can get a bit hectic.

    So, how is everyone doing today? I'm sorry to hear about losing the time at work as well. I'd be concerned and mad at the same time also.

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey Jennifer, thanks. We are all fine today, just another day. I drove difficult child down to her cousins about an hour and half away so she can go to LI and be with her dad's family. easy child chose to stay home. She will go down on Friday.

    I have all the vitamins and supplements in the house. She chooses not to take them.

    I really think that most of this is an attention getter. Really. That's why I didn't make a big deal about it and just reminded her how her body is screaming at her to care for it and that I wasn't paying the bill. If she wants to pay $75 every time she chooses not to take care of her self, that's her choice. But the next time I am not coming and sitting in the ER. I will simply send H to pick her up. I mean, really, how ridiculous.

    I am looking forward to tomorrow. I called her dad and filled him in - told him to not let her drink coffee and make sure she ate. It's all I can do. Thanks again.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Well, that sounds like a rant-worthy complaint to me. It would have ticked me off big time too, Jo.

    Good for you for insisting that she pay the co-pay. Real time actions require real time consequences and this seems very appropriate.

    I'm glad she's okay and hope she felt lousy enough and scared enough that she won't repeat this again.

  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I think I'd be doing more than ranting. The steam would be coming out of my ears. Something tells part of the reason you guys were ignored at the ER was that steam was coming out of their ears. What a waste of time when she knows better. Even so, their behavior was pretty inexcusable and borderline incompetent. I hope they had a good excuse like an extremely busy day with some serious emergencies.

    I'd definitely be letting her know that the next time it will be a drop off and pick up only. No sitting around and waiting with her at all. This is a self-induced "emergency" and it is not fair to anyone. I probably should know this, but does she have an eating disorder? Certainly sounds like it. If this isn't being addressed, I find a therapist who specializes in this ASAP (something tells me you already have, though).

    Hope she has the sense to eat over the weekend and that your turkey day is super.
  10. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Ya know Jo - sometimes it is the smaller, repetitive stuff that really gets my goat.

    I think you have every right to be angry. Your daughter has the means to prevent dehydration. I'm sure that is very frustrating.

    Any chance she has a budding eating disorder?

    Hope today is better. Hugs.
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    My thought was the same as golden guru's on the eating disorder. And I agree with MB that she should be dropped off with a couple of quarters to call you when she is done.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Nope, no eating disorders. It's a mix of simple stupidity followed by attention seeking. That's it, plain and simple, really.

    She skips meals and when she and her boyfriend get together they hang at starbucks and drink coffee all evening. So then her body becomes dehydrated and she becomes light headed...etc., and once that happens she gets that attention buzz going.

    You know what I thought was great? Her current boyfriend is so NOT into drama and so when she told him she was on her way to the hospital, he texted her back to have ME call him later and let him know how she was. He was on his way up to Mass to sell some wheels and I think she was annoyed that he didn't cancel his plans and race to her side...something Monkeyboy would have done, for sure. I laugh! Hahahaha - it's like crack cocaine for her to get that attention 'hit', you know? Well, not this time.

    So, no eating disorders at this time. She's supposed to follow up with our DR next week but even the DR just tells it to her straight now: "Knock off the drama and take care of yourself! Stop drinking coffee, quit smoking, drink more water...just end the madness." Hahaha.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I totally think htis was "rant-worthy"! Your kid knowingly made herself sick enough to need a trip to the ER? I would rant! The ER, knowing she needed food in her system, ignored her? I would rant. That awful beeping from the IV machine went off for an HOUR? I would have grabbed a nurse by the shirt and DRAGGED ehr in.

    I am sorry your daughter's behavior made your family lose the equivalent of 1 1/2 day's pay (1/2 day for you, H and easy child), plus all the time in the uncomfortable chair at the hospital, adn whatever charges for the ER visit.

    Good call on making difficult child pay the copay! It may well be the only thing that motivates her to change this pattern.

    But please don't ignore that she may well and truly be on the way to an eating disorder, or have one and be somewhat successfully hiding it from you. You may want to send the doctor a "heads up" to be aware of it or look for it.

    I hope you make difficult child pay the copay for the follow up doctor visit also. If nothing else, take the value of htese out of what you were going to spend on her at Christmas, and give her a "giftcard" for the cost fo the hospital bill she owes. It maight get the point across as effectively as anything else that this is NOT something seh should continue.

    I hope the boyfriend's lack of attentiveness to this will help curb the problem. It is hard when they rock on the drama of this kind of thing.

    Hugs and a cuppa your favorite beverage to get you through the after-effects of this. This stuff is hard on moms!
  14. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Hi Jo,

    Some really good points have been made before I am chiming in. Even tho it is not the soft approach, the accountability for following things thru has got to be handed back to your daughter.

    Your "plain and simple" post a couple back says a whole lot. The outcome accountability rests with her, not with anyone else in the family and you know that darn well, deep in your heart.