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Substance Abuse
What is the best way forward from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 661053" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I have been where you are.... and it is hard when they are so young! The hard balance is to continue to let them know you love him and support him, but at the same time being clear about your boundaries of not supporting him to do the wrong things or to use drugs/ It can be a fine and difficult line to walk.</p><p></p><p>There is no guarantee that anything you do will make a difference, so part of your goal has to be your own menal health and peace of mind.</p><p></p><p>We have taken the stand with our son over many years, that we will help him do the next right thingm but we will not enable him to do the next wrong thing or to use. He started smoking pot around age 13 and is now 23 and has been in many programs and rehabs. We did kick him out of the house when he was 18 but stayed in touchw ith him and let him know we loved him.....he has always called us when he was in trouble, and he has been in trouble with the law several times. We let him be homeless when he left a program and was clearly using drugs. We also got him into treatment when he was tired of being on the streets. We have been through several variations and reiterations of this. A year ago he moved out of state an dwas doing better. He started working steadily 6 months ago and is doing a lot of the right things.... we have stepped back and are letting go a lot as he is now an adult. And much to my surprise he has gotten to a place where he wants to stop drinking (Whch currently seems to be his drug of choice) and is now trying to figure out how to detox. This is from no pressure from us, we are keeping out mouths shut, but are communicating more. </p><p></p><p>So my advice is yes take a stand.... you cant have him live with you if you cant trust him (and you obviously cant) and yet let him know you still love him and do what you can to stay in touch with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 661053, member: 15801"] I have been where you are.... and it is hard when they are so young! The hard balance is to continue to let them know you love him and support him, but at the same time being clear about your boundaries of not supporting him to do the wrong things or to use drugs/ It can be a fine and difficult line to walk. There is no guarantee that anything you do will make a difference, so part of your goal has to be your own menal health and peace of mind. We have taken the stand with our son over many years, that we will help him do the next right thingm but we will not enable him to do the next wrong thing or to use. He started smoking pot around age 13 and is now 23 and has been in many programs and rehabs. We did kick him out of the house when he was 18 but stayed in touchw ith him and let him know we loved him.....he has always called us when he was in trouble, and he has been in trouble with the law several times. We let him be homeless when he left a program and was clearly using drugs. We also got him into treatment when he was tired of being on the streets. We have been through several variations and reiterations of this. A year ago he moved out of state an dwas doing better. He started working steadily 6 months ago and is doing a lot of the right things.... we have stepped back and are letting go a lot as he is now an adult. And much to my surprise he has gotten to a place where he wants to stop drinking (Whch currently seems to be his drug of choice) and is now trying to figure out how to detox. This is from no pressure from us, we are keeping out mouths shut, but are communicating more. So my advice is yes take a stand.... you cant have him live with you if you cant trust him (and you obviously cant) and yet let him know you still love him and do what you can to stay in touch with him. [/QUOTE]
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