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What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 622783" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I'm on my tablet and really hate writing with this, so I may come back later to this. But now shortly, I think I was the one who said I don't believe on these things. Okay, maybe bad choice of words, we aren't talking about Santa Claus here, so of course I believe these things exist, and at times can be advisable choices.</p><p></p><p>But I too have never seen any real definition for enabling. Which is one of my problems with it. It seems to mean whatever people want it to mean when they either criticise other people choices or explain their own choices to themselves or others. And real research I have seen extremely little, only tons and tons of popularised books. And research I have seen related to it, seem to hint that often things that are often called enabling in those books seem to lead better outcomes. I have seen this kind of research a lot especially when it comes to juvenile delinquents etc. Things like parents being there to support their errand kid (and often in the studies they go up to 25-year-olds etc. So not just the minors), hiring lawyer, visiting often in prison, letting kid move back home after release etc. seem to lead to less reoffending than many practises recommended in the name of tough love, not enabling etc. There are similar findings with young addicts. Strong family support seem to indicate better outcomes than detached parents. Of course one has to take into account that numbers are likely skewed some because it is difficult to make a difference in those studies with loving detachment and parents who just don't care. And one can imagine that if parents have never cared much, it does have a negative effect.</p><p></p><p>There are also research that indicates that 'scared straight' and typical tough love treatment RTCs are not effective and only give very short term results, if even those. Softer, community centric treatment models s3m to be more effective.</p><p></p><p>Detachment (again this word seem to have as many definitions as it has users) I see something, we sometimes have to do, to keep our own sanity. However I don't see it an only way to handle issues with your troubled loved ones or believe it has any tangible positive effects to that troubled loved one. But as I said, at times it is an only way to keep our sanity and keep going on. However I don't like how it at times seem to be pushed as something you just have to do because it is 'a right thing to do' here. It is a choice of handling difficult situation and while someone may feel it works for them and want to recommend it to others, and that of course is okay, telling others that it is something they have to do, or that they are hurting their family or even their troubled loved one if they don't, is not okay to me.</p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 622783, member: 14557"] I'm on my tablet and really hate writing with this, so I may come back later to this. But now shortly, I think I was the one who said I don't believe on these things. Okay, maybe bad choice of words, we aren't talking about Santa Claus here, so of course I believe these things exist, and at times can be advisable choices. But I too have never seen any real definition for enabling. Which is one of my problems with it. It seems to mean whatever people want it to mean when they either criticise other people choices or explain their own choices to themselves or others. And real research I have seen extremely little, only tons and tons of popularised books. And research I have seen related to it, seem to hint that often things that are often called enabling in those books seem to lead better outcomes. I have seen this kind of research a lot especially when it comes to juvenile delinquents etc. Things like parents being there to support their errand kid (and often in the studies they go up to 25-year-olds etc. So not just the minors), hiring lawyer, visiting often in prison, letting kid move back home after release etc. seem to lead to less reoffending than many practises recommended in the name of tough love, not enabling etc. There are similar findings with young addicts. Strong family support seem to indicate better outcomes than detached parents. Of course one has to take into account that numbers are likely skewed some because it is difficult to make a difference in those studies with loving detachment and parents who just don't care. And one can imagine that if parents have never cared much, it does have a negative effect. There are also research that indicates that 'scared straight' and typical tough love treatment RTCs are not effective and only give very short term results, if even those. Softer, community centric treatment models s3m to be more effective. Detachment (again this word seem to have as many definitions as it has users) I see something, we sometimes have to do, to keep our own sanity. However I don't see it an only way to handle issues with your troubled loved ones or believe it has any tangible positive effects to that troubled loved one. But as I said, at times it is an only way to keep our sanity and keep going on. However I don't like how it at times seem to be pushed as something you just have to do because it is 'a right thing to do' here. It is a choice of handling difficult situation and while someone may feel it works for them and want to recommend it to others, and that of course is okay, telling others that it is something they have to do, or that they are hurting their family or even their troubled loved one if they don't, is not okay to me. Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
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