Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 622844" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Definitions of these concepts are certainly not clear, partly because of lack of scientific research on them and partly because they tend to be popular buzz words that many authors etc. like to use. And they can mean very different things for different people. And yes, they can be very emotional words and can be considered hurtful even when not meant to. For example saying someone is enabling something basically means you blame them for making that thing worse (if the thing they are enabling is considered to be bad.) So telling someone they are enabling their child when they are for example paying that motel room, is basically telling them they are making their child worse and it is their fault child has not hit that rock bottom yet and got better. That can be hurtful if you assume that 'enabling' parent loves their kid.</p><p></p><p>And if detaching is just about having healthy boundaries, why there is so little talk about detaching from your perfectly loving and stable loved ones? Or from your work or eating, when it comes to it? Those healthy boundaries are just as important in all relationships and also in other things. Taking care of and keeping healthy boundaries are things many people struggle in many different parts of life. Keeping healthy boundaries with troubled loved one can certainly be challenging, but most literature I have seen about detaching seem to go little further with detaching from troubled loved one than they assume you would detach from untroubled loved on.</p><p></p><p>There seems to be also some ready made lists of dos and don'Tourette's Syndrome that one is expected to follow in name of detaching or not enabling while one is not expected to follow those same guidelines with their other loved ones. If you for example tell someone they should not financially help their addicted loved one, while it is okay to help their unaddicted loved ones, you are not telling them to have boundary for them self, instead you are telling them, that by giving financial help they are making the addiction worse. And how is that not blaming? Especially if one doesn't have undisputable evidence to back that claim up.</p><p></p><p>MWM: You are of course right. I can't know how I would react if my son would beat me to pulp. It is possible I wouldn't try to protect myself but would let him do it again and again. And I could of course be pleased if he spat me on face instead of more negative reaction. I do have my doubts about that, though. But you are right, I can't know for sure. I kind of hope I don't have to find out either. We have enough troubles as it is, thank you, without adding physical violence or bodily fluids in anyone's face.</p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 622844, member: 14557"] Definitions of these concepts are certainly not clear, partly because of lack of scientific research on them and partly because they tend to be popular buzz words that many authors etc. like to use. And they can mean very different things for different people. And yes, they can be very emotional words and can be considered hurtful even when not meant to. For example saying someone is enabling something basically means you blame them for making that thing worse (if the thing they are enabling is considered to be bad.) So telling someone they are enabling their child when they are for example paying that motel room, is basically telling them they are making their child worse and it is their fault child has not hit that rock bottom yet and got better. That can be hurtful if you assume that 'enabling' parent loves their kid. And if detaching is just about having healthy boundaries, why there is so little talk about detaching from your perfectly loving and stable loved ones? Or from your work or eating, when it comes to it? Those healthy boundaries are just as important in all relationships and also in other things. Taking care of and keeping healthy boundaries are things many people struggle in many different parts of life. Keeping healthy boundaries with troubled loved one can certainly be challenging, but most literature I have seen about detaching seem to go little further with detaching from troubled loved one than they assume you would detach from untroubled loved on. There seems to be also some ready made lists of dos and don'Tourette's Syndrome that one is expected to follow in name of detaching or not enabling while one is not expected to follow those same guidelines with their other loved ones. If you for example tell someone they should not financially help their addicted loved one, while it is okay to help their unaddicted loved ones, you are not telling them to have boundary for them self, instead you are telling them, that by giving financial help they are making the addiction worse. And how is that not blaming? Especially if one doesn't have undisputable evidence to back that claim up. MWM: You are of course right. I can't know how I would react if my son would beat me to pulp. It is possible I wouldn't try to protect myself but would let him do it again and again. And I could of course be pleased if he spat me on face instead of more negative reaction. I do have my doubts about that, though. But you are right, I can't know for sure. I kind of hope I don't have to find out either. We have enough troubles as it is, thank you, without adding physical violence or bodily fluids in anyone's face. Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
Top