WHAT is with parents and crying children

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Oct 2, 2011.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Is there some new Dr. SPOCK book out that says :

    RULE #2 - Take your fussy infant to a public place and allow him/her to cry until he/she is blue in the face screaming in his/her car seat and ignore the child completely/utterly and thoroughly to teach him.....

    (oopsy my page is gone)

    Can you tell me what it said? 'Cause book of the completely idiotic parenting guide /How to get a good nights sleep with your new infant and peeve everyone off in the store - is missing THAT explaination - and I just told someone in our store that her toddler - had been crying for OVER 15 minutes - (I timed him on my cell phone stop watch and SHOWED HER) after he'd been crying for about three minutes) then said - I didn't come to give her parenting lessons - I was just POSITIVE someone abandoned him becuase I had NEVER EVER seen anyone let a 2 year old cry his brains out for over 15 minutes and ruin everyone elses shopping experieince without being abandoned by his MOTHER!!!!! WTH?

    They were in a GOODWILL store - it wasn't like they HAD to by toilet paper, diapers, or tylenol or something dire......they were buying clothes and 'whatnot" ----could have left, taken the child OUTSIDE to the car, calmed him down, and come back in when he was calmer.

    SOooooo she says (this was priceless) "Well ever since you've started telling parents they HAD to keep their children with them he gets mad when I have to keep him with me and he was angry because he couldn't wander the store like he usually did."

    I looked at her ----I swear to GOODNESS like a deer in the headlights - Our store is the size of a 1/2 football field with lots of doors -------and I said "HE's TWO...you're his Mother.....!" She shrugged, and then I said "And there is broken glass, knives, tables being moved in and out of here..... you're serious?" Then I bent down and picked up the bottom of a 5 gallon broken pickle jar...glass and held it up and said "SO if he came back playing with something like this? You'd be okay with it?" Her Mother stood there just glaring at her, and I shook my head amazed.

    I've asked the announcement be changed and it got results immediately - Instead of announcing - Keep your children with you - They now say - "When we find the parents of these children you will be asked to leave for the day." = no money for flea market goods to be sold - out of commission for the week. All week long since THAT announcement was began? Kids are now being kept at an arms length, in strollers or with their Fathers. Amazing.

    As for crying children? Five minute limit and then you're asked to take the child outside, calm it down and then return to the store.....you should not have to be asked.......but if you're going to be stupid - we're going to have a stupid rule. In five minutes - you should at least pick it up, cuddle it, find it a bottle, change it's diaper, take it to the bathroom, NOT allow it to pee on the floor, throw toys, have a tantrum....and all the while YOU keep shopping while we clean up the mess. The first time they tell ME to clean up puddle because a Mother didn't pay attention to it's child? Yeah - we'll see who grabs the mop and a bucket. Won't be me......ANd the sad thing is.....the Mothers that have had this done? Just stand there and smile ----and say No speaka english - Yeah well I speaka spanish --not gonna fly with me sista.

    UGH - seriously is there a new parenting technique or are these parents just idiots?
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Star, I think you need a holiday :) Preferably one far, far from small children and their unsatisfactory parents.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sometimes babies and small kids are gonna cry no matter what you do. I have seen enough of them to know that even with the best of parenting sometimes you cannot get a colicky baby to stop crying and fretting no matter where you are. I dont think I would be in a Goodwill store with one of them though. Perhaps a grocery store, Walmart or drugstore...or doctors office. I think I would be too tired to go to Goodwill!

    I do think the policy about the loose kids is right on. No one should let their kidss wander around in stores when they are that young. Its stupid. They can get hurt or kidnapped in 2.2 seconds.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well...........I will say there have been occasions when Nana has had to be the little birdie and to tell Nichole that it was obvious Aubrey wasn't winding down on her own and that she needed to: insert whatever was appropriate from a stern talking to in the restroom, to a break outside....whatever.

    In her defense, she's never seen me handle such a situation because mine went everywhere I did (literally), and they were taught from infancy how to behave in public. However, I've had much practice at handling other people's children in public, so I know what to do.

    I worked in Toys at Meijers. Now I loved that job to the nth degree. What I hated was parents who dumped their kids in the dept and took off to shop.....as young as 3-4 yr olds. That didn't last long with me around. Sorry, but I was a store clerk, not a babysitter. Store manager backed me up. A parent who dumped a kid in my dept got called on the PA system to pick up their "lost child" immediately.

    I can't take the ones who let them cry either. If they treat them like that in public, how do they treat them at home? sheesh
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You nailed one of my main pet peeves. I raised a difficult child for crying out loud - I get the angry screaming child!! But I always removed him from the situation so as not to bother others.

    Today, young moms seem to think that walking outside with thus screaming child "would interrupt their shopping to such a degree that they are not willing to make that sacrifice." GRRRRRRRRR............
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have you noticed that people dont tend to bring things with them anymore to places like restaurants to entertain the small baby's and children? This means the kids will sit for a few minutes at best before they are bored whitless and then either start screaming, banging on the table with silverware, or trying to run around the place.

    I always brought a full cup or bottle of whatever, a snack for before the meal to keep little fingers busy, several toys and crayons. Now most people rely on their cell phones!
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Malika - lol. I was out of work for a year and a half......These parents come into the store - and stay for 8-9 hours, with children, do not bring lunch, snacks, food - at best? They bring a bag of chips and share a warm bottle of water or soda with their kids. I've often had to share my lunch with them - and currently pack extras for some who have literally pounded on the window and pointed to my sandwich and chips (again -not my responsibility) The parents are there with money to buy clothes and whatknot....they must have money to pack a peanut butter and jelly - and a bottle of water for their own children. Or cut up an apple. NINE HOURS in a department store - NOT allowed to do a thing SHOULD BE - reported to CPS. We don't do that - but allowing them to run amock? When 10' wheeled tables weighing 500 lbs are moving in and out of doors, and forklifts are coming in and out of the back - and you're just allowing your children to climb in and out of cardboard gaylords with broken glass and parts and junk? It's insane. I'm really surprised DSS has NOT been in there.

    THIS is the same store that nearly killed me last year when I contracted tetanus, menangitis, mononeucleosis and strep all in one whack - and was on my back for 14 days - WITH medicine. What do you think this would do if a child was injured? (not asking you Makila just generally asking everyone). I wear kevlar gloves ----and these people are allowing their kids to CLIMB into these boxes--and sit on the floor and ---not eat.or use the restroom. ANd then cry for 30 minutes or more - and IGNORE THEM. They do nothing - not correct, not soothe, not sit them down, NOTHING - just follow them - crying and yelling Moooooooommmmmmmy.

    Yup - I'm annoyed. And like Steely - I raised 2 difficult child's and I"m telling you - WE NEVER EVER allowed that behavior in public -----and if it started? WE LEFT. PRONTO.
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Used to be those same restaurants had baskets of crackers on the table and a coloring sheet menu and a couple of crayons. Don't see that as much these days. But yeah, I recall often having a toy or book with me on those outings. Kiddo wants her DSi, lol.

    Star, some of the way you describe those parents makes me wonder if they even have another place to go during the hours you're open, and with very different raisings themselves as kids. If I'm completely wrong, I'm good with that, just curious. I'm guessing my way through raising a kid myself - I didn't have younger siblings and cousins to watch and practice on or see them being parented, and one of my parents was also an only child. I have a lot of cluelessness on raising kids myself, so I guess I was given the crash course. :p
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Haozi -

    I've given several of them and their children rides home - THEY HAVE NICE HOMES ------they just don't want to be there. They come to our store, to buy things cheaply to sell at the flea market to make money. Our store is NOT a typical good will. It's a clearance /bulk store. Everything is sold by the pound and things are being put on the floor ALL DAY LONG......until about 3:30 PM. It's an insanely absurdly busy place, and not a place for children.

    Or if you wanted to bring your kids - come, stay a few hours and then leave or trade off with the others that come - and say MONDAY - YOU watch all the kids and everyone else shops - TUESDAY - YOU watch all the kids and everyone goes but you. It's just greed......and no care for kids. I guess you'd have to be there, because we feel the most sorry for the children - NOT the parents. But there is not much we can do. Like I've said - they are not fed lunch, some aren't take for potty breaks, and to be kept in THIS place (dusty, dirty, hot/cold) all dang day? as a child? Not fair. But to make others that come there listen toyour kids CRY because they are tired, hungry, have to potty or just want some attention and you're too busy SHOPPING? BALONEY!......I have no respect for you then. I don't care if you are purple with stars for eyes and your last name is Jackson.......it's wrong. There is not place for these kids to sit except on the floor. and its' filthy. I don't know many toddlers that can handle shopping 8 or 9 hours straight without being fussy - So I ask again -

  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Dropped on their heads as kids?
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm on the kids' side. Which in this case means... poor kids.

    I think you're dealing with parents who were raised exactly this way. They don't know any better - really, honestly, they've never seen it done, never experienced it as a child. How on earth are they supposed to "get it"???

    This situation screams for cross-over cooperation. Some way to offer parenting classes, child-minding services and healthy cooking (including snack prep) in some corner of the operation... to be offered by some other charitable organization, but right under their noses. Take away the "I can't get there" argument... they ARE there. Offered on a drop-in basis. And so on. How, for the sake of the KIDS, can we break the cycle?

    Of course... there are no easy answers.

    In a perfect world, every child will have grown up in a "reasonably" parented home - had basic needs met appropriately, learned basic skills, and so on. At which point, they have some basis for being parents too.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    it is poss uble.
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm sure most of you have heard just how colicky and miserable Duckie was as a baby/toddler/preschooler/primary-aged child. She was both incorrigible and inconsolable. As an example, I offer her baptism. Another baby girl was baptised that day too... a sweet, quiet, cooing little girl who was all smiley and bright eyed.

    And then there was Duckie.

    She screamed all morning (started around 5:30AM), screamed in the car, screamed before and during the service. NON-STOP. (I used to carry ear plugs for days like this). Her screaming didn't stop until the priest dribbled the holy water on her head. She actually stopped mid-scream and turned her angry little head and gave the absolutely most dirty look to the priest (I think my cousin has a picture of Duckie and the priest, priceless.). She then fell asleep until the end of the service. She woke up in the car, screamed all the way home and throughout our little reception. They still talk about her baptism at this church (which is one of the reasons we changed parishes).

    But... that child was nursed, changed, held, loved, rocked, bounced, cooed at, read to, sung too, played with throughout. She just wasn't going to stop until she was good and ready. I carried my "bag of tricks" through kindergarten so my young child could be occupied when we were out in public. Now, I can tell you that this day stands out so much in my memory because it was one of only a handful of times other people were subjected to Duckie's difficult temperament for any extended period of time. The other times were also "had to do" times like the pharmacy or doctor's office.

    These parents are idiots.
  14. keista

    keista New Member

    Guilty as charged, but only for the crying part, not the neglecting part. DD1 was a crier and a screamer. We'd be shopping, and out of nowhere she'd start screaming. Generally she'd be in the basket so I'd up my conversation with her, pull out a toy or a snack, but she just wouldn't stop. Being almost done with the grocery shopping, just leaving was NOT an option. So I'd continue while doing my best to calm her down. After the 3rd such episode, I made sure I did the shopping AFTER husband got home so I didn't have to take her with me. She was under 2 at the time. It was at least two years before I took her shopping with me again. (crazy when your "respite time" is grocery shopping and you appreciate it!)
  15. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Grocery time was (& still is) my respite time.
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Keista... you are not "guilty as charged"... the charge was: spending all day shopping. Groceries doesn't get anywhere close.

    Grocery shopping is STILL respite time for me. Some weeks, its the only chance I have to get out of the house at all.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The thing with Duckie was the you did ALL you could to help her. You also did NOT take her to a flea market or thrift store to browse for hours. Kiesta, you stopped taking dd1 with you. You are NOT the type of parents that Star is upset with. I see what Star is talking about - here it is the late show of R rated movies. They take their little kids, give them coke or red bull or even put 5 hr energy in their bottles - YES, I have SEEN this with my EYES at a movie - the child was not old enough to walk but mommy got a 5 hr energy from daddy and put it in the bottle so "she can enjoy the movie too since we had to pay for a ticket for her" - at a movie that barely escaped an X rating or is a major action movie or is a slasher movie. Our movie theater started charging for infants at the late shows because the parents will leave a kid in the carseat and go sit 5-10 ROWS away, not seats away, that many rows because the child's crying is keeping them from seeing the movie!!!!

    Our local thrift stores have mgr's that call 911 at abandoned kids - parents get ONE chance to keep them under control - the sign that is posted. After that? No one bothers to find the parents - they call the cops. The cops find the parents and deal with it. Our cops are not fond of it, but they take care of it. It has kept people from leaving kids alone all over the stores.

    I will confess that when Wiz was 2-3, we would go to the local bookstore and let him stay in the kids dept. We did this AFTER I spoke with the mgr, who I knew and who knew Wiz, and most of the employees, also people I knew and who knew Wiz. I did this AFTER they told me several times that it was okay. I still never went more than 3 aisles away or and checked on him every 2-3 minutes. I also did not allow him to yell, scream, cry, or make a mess. Most of the time he left the area cleaner than he found it with-o anyone telling him to. AND he put them back alphabetically by author. It was the ONLY place I allowed it, and if I didn't know the people who worked there, including mgmt, it would NOT have happened. Heck, quite a few times they tried to get me to leave him there all day because they had so much fun with him - and yes, this was the mgrs asking. Made me laugh, and did not happen.

    by the way, the movie theater (only 1 in town) started charging for infants at the evening shows and all R rated movies because so many parents were taking kids and letting them run wild. One parent tried to get the theater to pay for a new outfit for her child because the child got stains on the clothes from crawling on the floor - kid could not WALK and was crawling under chairs and chewing on people's legs - literally biting them because mommy just turned the kid loose! It is nuts. Now? if you see a child at an R rated movie with-o a parent right there? You tell mgmt or an usher and they call the police for an abandoned kid. So many parents would let a kid loose to crawl/run around, or put the carseat in one row and move away because the kid was "bothering them" or because someone told them to hush the child. Used to be a child in a carseat was free here. Not any more, because things like this. Makes me SICK.

    It should be harder to have custody of a child than it is to have a pet. It just should.
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2011
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Around here we had some parents who would actually drop off their small children at the public library and then go off and leave them there for a couple of hours, expecting the library staff to keep an eye on them! They finally had to make a rule that children under a certain age must be accompanied by a parent at all times. At first glance it sounds kind of mean, like they were discouraging children from using the library, but I don't blame them a bit that they resented having to be responsible for other peoples children, whether they wanted to or not!
  19. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    This is REALLY strange, Star. I have never seen or heard anything like this - 8 or 9 hours in a shop??? I'd go crazy, never mind the children.... I quite agree, their behaviour sounds most irresponsible. They should come on holiday to France - shop managers here would lose NO time in setting them straight :)
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Malika -

    Welcome to North America.
    Yes, 8 or 9 hours in a shop.

    No, I don't do that. But... yes, I see those who do. I even know relatively "normal" people who think the greatest thing in the world is to be able to spend 12 hours straight at the mall... the day after Christmas. Subsisting on food-court junk, maybe a water bottle. I don't get it either... but it is not unusual. Unfortunately! The kids are more sane than the parents.