WHAT is with parents and crying children

[AnnieO]

Shopping for 8-9 hours would make me scream incessantly.

You know, Star - I know exactly which parents you're talking about. Mommy (or Daddy) is looking at clothes, books, lamps, whatever, and Junior is in the cart, screaming - and parent is ignoring them. I don't know HOW. I certainly couldn't.

Now if the same parent was holding the child, bouncing them, trying to give them a bottle, trying to gather up stuff to get the child outside? They get a sympathetic look and offers of help from me. As in, "can I help you carry anything?" Most say no, thank you, but then, they're the ones who care...

 

[DammitJanet]

You know...I think some of us may also have a bit of what I call "love drugged memories". Its kind of what happens when you have a baby. When you are going through labor and delivery its soooo bad. It hurts horribly. You think it will never end and while its happening you swear on everything that is holy that you will never do this again. But as soon as that little baby is placed in your arms, well, suddenly all that pain retreats to the back of your mind. You forget it...it becomes a foggy memory. It doesnt seem so bad anymore. Maybe it wasnt quite as bad as you thought.

I know I thought when I was raising my kids I thought it was awful. I thought it would never end. I am certain it was really bad or I wouldnt have been on this board but now...Im finding it hard to remember all the bad things now...lmao.

I know I didnt know everything about how to parent when I had my boys. I was 19 when I had my first one. I was 24 when Cory was born. So obviously I had 3 kids by the time I was 24. I was very ill prepared for this task. I grew up as an only child and didnt live near my cousins. My mother sure wasnt a good role model. I did it by the seat of my pants. Did I make mistakes? Oh hell yeah. Am I a better parent the second time around...yes. I see all the mistakes I made back then. I see the things I wish I could do over. I wish I had taken them out of McDonalds when they threw a fit instead of thinking..damn, I need to feed them because I have school tonite and I dont have time to get anything else.

No, I could have never managed to keep them in a store for that long simply because they would have gone bonkers. I had a hard enough time taking them to the mall. I had to put them on a leash to do that.

 

[hearts and roses]

Several times, I have left an armful of clothing or a shopping cart full of food because difficult child was throwing a fit in a store. I'd walk up to a staff or manager, explain the situation and just leave. I never felt bad about leaving them to put back my items because I'm sure they'd rather do that than listen to difficult child wail for another minute!

I hate when I see kids screaming their little heads off, all purple in the face while their parents non-chalantly stroll down the isles or pick through a clothing rack. The worst is when it's after 7 PM, especially at the mall or someplace like that. IMVHO, NO child should be out and about after 7PM unless it's a run to the drug store. I've seen infants screaming outside a Ruby Tuesdays at the mall at nearly 9PM while the couple are waiting for a table - meanwhile, it's packed. I just don't get that. Really??? You need to eat out so desperately that you cause discomfort for your kid (and everyone else)? To me, that's just selfish difficult child behavior to do that to a baby.

 

[DammitJanet]

Jo...

 

[InsaneCdn]

I've got a teenager who thinks going to bed at 9PM is "too late"!
He knows what later nights do to his whole system - and he ain't goin' there!

 

[AnnieO]

You need to eat out so desperately that you cause discomfort for your kid (and everyone else)?

...They probably can't cook. And I agree... Especially about bedtimes! I'm willing to bend a little - yes, you can read for half an hour - IF you're in bed AND everything's ready for the next day AND you've brushed teeth, etc.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well the one thing I was a stickler for when I was a parent with my boys was bedtimes and I dont know why but I was. I dont remember my mom being that way but maybe she was and I just absorbed it without knowing it.

As babies and toddlers my boys were in bed by 7-7:30. No later or someone would be dead. Momma and Daddy needed adult time. They really never gave me any trouble either.

When they entered school we moved it to 8 and it stayed there until they were about 10. Then it went to 8:30. By Jr High they had a 9pm bedtime but I rarely had to enforce it because they never stayed up that late unless there was something on TV that they really wanted to watch. Normally they were too tired from all the running around they did that they came home, ate and fell asleep.

I never had a bit of trouble with bedtimes. I will never forget one time Jamie was in HS and one of his best friends called him on a Saturday night wanting him to go out about 10 pm after Jamie was already in bed. Jamie told him flat out that there was nothing going on at that time of night that he was interested in doing, he was more interested in going to sleep so he could get up at dawn to go fishing...lmao.

 

[hearts and roses]

It's funny because easy child and difficult child are in bed real early - always have enjoyed a good night's sleep (especially difficult child). Sometimes easy child is in bed by 9:30!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Jamie told him flat out that there was nothing going on at that time of night that he was interested in doing, he was more interested in going to sleep so he could get up at dawn to go fishing...

In fact... the kids who have real life to engage in, tend to lead a real life.
Computer games, movies, hot cars... are not real life.
Rebuilding a hot car from an old beater... THAT is a life. So is... fishing, carpentry, art, music, cooking, camping, working with animals, etc. etc. etc. In essence, anything that relates to earning a living... no, "fishing" in the usual sense isn't the same as commercial fishing... but they ARE both fishing. Know what I mean??

But... Janet, dear - we are very much in the minority. Too many parents think the "other stuff" is "normal"...

 

[donna723]

Star, in the last few days I've seen a couple of posters on Facebook that would be perfect for your situation, but now I can't find them again.

One said,"Unaccompanied children will be given expresso and a free kitten!"

The other said,"Unattended children will be sold to the circus!"

 

[AnnieO]

Donna... The first one is on my profile right now... I'll forward it to Star.

We had issues with bedtimes, because of visits with bio - they were 5:30-8:30. They never got back on time, so Jett had to shower, get ready... Days he saw her, it was more 9:15-9:30. At age 9, no less. We've been trying to keep it at 9 as much as we could... This year, we told him - 9:30, IF he wakes himself... If he doesn't, that night is 9 PM. Period.

Last night he came bopping down the stairs at 10 PM, wanting husband to play "one last video game before bed". AFTER I'd reminded him it was almost bedtime - at 9:00 - and he was in his room. husband laid down the law...

 

[Hound dog]

I don't understand how someone can shop for 9 hrs period, let alone in the same store.............I don't care how great the deals are.

Because I was used to taking my kids everywhere I went, I had an enormous diaper bag that was packed for just about every situation imaginable......even once they weren't babies anymore. Diapers, wipes, bottles, water, baby food, snacks, first aide kit complete with infant/children's tylenol, teething gel, diaper cream, tweezers, benedryl (in case Nichole got stung) change of clothing for each child, wet/dry wash cloths in a freezer bag, adult tylenol (parent's get headaches too)..........on and on. That thing was crammed full.

For years people have been amazed at what I could produce out of my bag. lol

Yeah, ok, it was heavy and I built up muscles. But it saved my fanny a million times and was worth it's weight in gold......it also saved countless other parent's fannies a million times.

It still can be somewhat amazing what one may find in my purse. (because honestly you can just never tell)

Like today we're doing our drug store shopping and had to take Brandon and Connor with us. In the middle we had to stop for lunch at McD's. Connor was tired and hungry and not going to be Mr Patient. Nana produced a packet of unopened kleenex and a large toy elephant for him to play with while we waited on easy child to get the food. He was tickled pink and good as gold. lol Kleenex was from the memorial and the elephant Aubrey had borrowed from nana a few months back and had returned it to me on sat.....which is why it was in my purse. lol

 

[HaoZi]

When I have to stop for something to eat and figure Kiddo's not going to be too patient, it's drive-thru time.
Bedtime varies for many reasons. My schedule isn't the same everyday, and no way I'm getting up at 5am everyday if I don't have to. With Kiddo, best way is give her her night time medications, dim the lights, and she'll get tired and ask to be tucked in. When I've made her go to bed before she was ready, she'd be up to late hours. Insomnia runs heavily on both sides of the family tree. Sometimes she'll get up at 2 or 3am and stay up. Funnily enough those are often pretty good days for her. It's the day after that can be hairy.

 

[Malika]

Know that Woody Allen film, HaoZi - "Whatever Works"?
Sleep is one area where J has been, all his life, the "perfect child"... I go up with him to bed between 8 and 8.30, read him a story, kiss goodnight and then go downstairs.- and he is alsleep within 5 to 10 minutes, max. I have recently weaned off sleeping with me in my bed (I don't sleep that way) by a typical piece of negotation: we brought his mattress in from his bedroom and put it on the floor beside my bed. He has also stopped wetting the bed at night... so between the hours of 8.30 pm and 7.30 am, this is a strictly easy child household!

 

[DammitJanet]

I have found that in single parent households things are a tad bit different too...or sometimes...with bedtimes and kids. I know when Tony was out of town, the kids wanted to sleep with me and I normally let them. Even though it was the same basic bed time, they just felt a bit closer to me and I would cuddle a bit with them and then when everyone was sound asleep I would go on out to the living room and spend some alone time...if I managed to stay awake that is...lol. Sometimes I just turned the TV on and we all fell asleep in my bed. Gosh those were good times.

 

[Mamaof5]

I hate CIO (cry it out). I hate seeing it and I never ever used or use it.

 

[AnnieO]

There's a difference between a child CIO and parents being a PITA. HUGE, HUGE difference. And I'm not sure I could do the whole CIO thing myself...

 

[TerryJ2]

Star, I am very late to this post, but I wanted to say bravo for actually saying something to this clueless woman. She is getting her parenting techniques from store policies. How sad is that? And how sad that so much of our population exists that way.

I agree with-so many of the posts here. I commisserate. I don't know where to begin.

Sigh.

 

[Star*]

Okay................so yester...day.......I said to the other employees in the back of the storrrrrrre....as a child started to cry incessatnly for ohhhhh I dunno nine.......ten.......twelve.......fifteen minutes......

"Is anyone going to address that poor child?" and everyone looked around like NOPE, not me. COULD NOT CARE LESS.......I said DOnnas line of "ALL unattended children will be given an Expresso and a kitten." And I swear to GGGGGGGGAWED.......one of them looked at me and said "SOmeone donated Kittens? Where are they?" and another one said "Ooooooh did you make expresso? I knew we had a coffee pot, but know we have expresso? Just like McDonalds?" I slapped my face literally........hit the double doors, and went out and told the MOTHER (loosely put) that she needed to attend to the child.....OUTSIDE and was welcome to put her buggy (THERE) and pointed so no one touched it. And come back when HE calmed down.....(HE who smelled ......wreaked of poo, was so distraughed he was now coughing from crying so much and ........) as I did other shoppers THANKED ME.....and she went out - changed the diaper came back in.......and bought her stuff and left.

NOW? I'm the parent Nazi.........and I don't care.....because for the rest of the day? ALL CHILDREN BEHAVED......the minute I walked out. And parents grabbed their kids from the other side of the store.

Mwahahahahahahahahah.........

 

[Mattsmom277]

Ugh! Frustrating isn't it? I get just as irked at this type of thing.

My thoughts on another approach that might send a very clear message AND have the bonus benefit of amusing you, thereby defusing your angst ... Next time a mother allows a child to carry on screaming without intervening to fix the situation and is shopping as though their child is not present? Grab a cell phone that has ability to record. Get close to the child, pretend to be straightening up or something. Make sure they can't see the phone, record a minimum of one full minute of the childs screams. Go to your intercom. Say nothing. Play said recording at high volume via the loudspeakers. When the recording ends say: Just a store reminder to adhere to the clearly posted guidelines for supervising your children while shopping. We are plenty comfortable asking parents to remove their children from the store if the parent shows a lack of desire to parent the child. Yes, this means YOU.

bwaa haa haa haa