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What is your "true north"?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 661233" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I enjoy Richard Rohr. I learned of him through your postings here, COM. The Conference would be an amazing event to be part of. I am happy for you that you are attending, and am looking forward to hearing what you have learned.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Trust. That elusive thing that we enter into that tells us all is well, whatever is happening.</p><p></p><p>That would be True North, for me. </p><p></p><p>To believe we are enough, and more than enough, for whatever comes or does not come for us, next. There is freedom in that kind of letting go. (There is letting go out of desperation. There is letting go out of defiance and anger. And there is another kind of letting go that is not really letting go at all and yet, it is. That is letting go before we latch on; letting go into Eckhart's Now, maybe. </p><p></p><p>That would be trust.</p><p></p><p>Awake, aware, present. Understanding we are human, all of us (animals, too ~ for me, that is true). We do what we can; we do what is in front of us to do and rest assured others will do what is there for them to do, too. There is a kind of peace in that; there is a kind of peace in knowing that is probably true. Know how I know that?</p><p></p><p>Mr. Rogers.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>I thought I would put that in just in case anyone thinks I am going all esoteric on us, here.</p><p></p><p>Mr. Rogers is supposed to have said something to the effect that, when bad things happen, we should not despair because if we look for them, we will see the helpers.</p><p></p><p>And this is true.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>For me, everything I was so sure I thought I knew is changing. I am in such a state of flux that I can hardly believe I ever believed I knew anything at all. I am discovering that the events that found me fulfilled and completed in the life I created as an adult had to do with what I did not have in my dysfunctional childhood. I was reacting to, and have spent my life creating, the safety and cleanliness and smooth stability I did not have. </p><p></p><p>Imagine my surprise when the terrible things that happened to all of us happened anyway. </p><p></p><p>I still love the feeling that all is quiet and well-run. The difference now would be that I am of more interest to myself than just to create those beautiful things having to do with loving, or with the scents and colors of home. Legitimacy, for me in this time, is to be found elsewhere. In my curiosity, maybe. Recognizing and then, choosing to come free of my "shoulds" continues to be an amazing experience. </p><p></p><p>I am excited.</p><p></p><p>Here is a tip for anyone entertaining. All we need to remember on the day of the event is: Set the table. Clean the toilet.</p><p></p><p>Someone told me that once; guests are going to notice the table setting and whether the bathroom is clean.</p><p></p><p>I used to like to know those kinds of things.</p><p></p><p>Now, I am happiest just as the sun begins to brighten. Not at dawn, but those hushed moments just before. I am only myself then, not some version of a better self working and working to accomplish something that has to do with being happily safe, or with stability or even, decency.</p><p></p><p>Or any particular thing at all.</p><p></p><p>I have heard that described as getting out of our own way.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>There was a time when I loved being responsible for those things I was responsible for. I love that I did that. There was a time when I loved yellow gingham for morning place settings. I loved it. It made me so happy to be the mom ~ and to be the grandma, too. I kept trying to be that person, kept trying to create and celebrate that life, no matter what the kids were doing or how bad it got.</p><p></p><p>That was a correct response. I see the strength in the family D H and I created. We are still somehow functioning, are somehow pulling our ways through it.</p><p></p><p>I was so sad and hurt when we lost that vision, when we lost those dreams we were coming true right before our eyes.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>So, the answer to what is True North would be that it changes, as we all change. Flexibility would be True North. Savoring the moment we are in, sitting with the feelings right up close without letting the feelings matter because they are come of the past. And living our lives, tasting and savoring or spitting the bitter things out...those things are in the now. Acceptance without condemning ourselves for our situations. How the capacity to do that would free us, would change and strengthen us! I remember how certain I was that responsibility for what happened to all of us was somehow my shortcoming. I wish I had devoted that time when I was so desperate to find the answer to...almost anything else, really. The answer was not there where I was looking for it. It never was there. But when I look back, and when I see what I did with those questions, I admire my courage. I sort of revel in having learned all these things that I have found to be true about me.</p><p></p><p>So that is my answer: Flexibility, awareness, acceptance. Presence. Attention to both positive <em>and negative</em> change; openness to what a thing might be or to what it may develop into, instead of a compulsion to fit our stories into some more "acceptable" reality.</p><p> </p><p>Curiosity. That would be a component of True North. Maybe curiosity is True North, and these other things I have posted about are simply tools along the way.</p><p></p><p>Goals and a schedule for achieving them or marking progress, but not agendas.</p><p></p><p>It is interesting to me that everything that mattered to that young mom I was is gone. I don't even know whether that is good or bad. I suspect it is a loss in the sense that my children ~ that all of our children who fell into addiction or found themselves hounded by mental illness ~ seem not to have contributed what they might have. At times though, especially when I talk to my daughter at any depth, I wonder whether this mixing of people of different races and mental status and socioeconomic status is itself the miracle.</p><p></p><p>I don't know. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I see my grands living lives "my" grands should never have even seen close up. I don't like that this is so for them. We have too many grands (6) to have taken them in and raised them without seriously cramping our irresponsible retiree lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>We picked to play, to forge ahead, instead of taking our grands.</p><p></p><p>Here is a secret you already know: I would have taken them. D H? Not a chance.</p><p></p><p>I don't know who was right or wrong about that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 661233, member: 17461"] I enjoy Richard Rohr. I learned of him through your postings here, COM. The Conference would be an amazing event to be part of. I am happy for you that you are attending, and am looking forward to hearing what you have learned. Trust. That elusive thing that we enter into that tells us all is well, whatever is happening. That would be True North, for me. To believe we are enough, and more than enough, for whatever comes or does not come for us, next. There is freedom in that kind of letting go. (There is letting go out of desperation. There is letting go out of defiance and anger. And there is another kind of letting go that is not really letting go at all and yet, it is. That is letting go before we latch on; letting go into Eckhart's Now, maybe. That would be trust. Awake, aware, present. Understanding we are human, all of us (animals, too ~ for me, that is true). We do what we can; we do what is in front of us to do and rest assured others will do what is there for them to do, too. There is a kind of peace in that; there is a kind of peace in knowing that is probably true. Know how I know that? Mr. Rogers. :O) I thought I would put that in just in case anyone thinks I am going all esoteric on us, here. Mr. Rogers is supposed to have said something to the effect that, when bad things happen, we should not despair because if we look for them, we will see the helpers. And this is true. *** For me, everything I was so sure I thought I knew is changing. I am in such a state of flux that I can hardly believe I ever believed I knew anything at all. I am discovering that the events that found me fulfilled and completed in the life I created as an adult had to do with what I did not have in my dysfunctional childhood. I was reacting to, and have spent my life creating, the safety and cleanliness and smooth stability I did not have. Imagine my surprise when the terrible things that happened to all of us happened anyway. I still love the feeling that all is quiet and well-run. The difference now would be that I am of more interest to myself than just to create those beautiful things having to do with loving, or with the scents and colors of home. Legitimacy, for me in this time, is to be found elsewhere. In my curiosity, maybe. Recognizing and then, choosing to come free of my "shoulds" continues to be an amazing experience. I am excited. Here is a tip for anyone entertaining. All we need to remember on the day of the event is: Set the table. Clean the toilet. Someone told me that once; guests are going to notice the table setting and whether the bathroom is clean. I used to like to know those kinds of things. Now, I am happiest just as the sun begins to brighten. Not at dawn, but those hushed moments just before. I am only myself then, not some version of a better self working and working to accomplish something that has to do with being happily safe, or with stability or even, decency. Or any particular thing at all. I have heard that described as getting out of our own way. *** There was a time when I loved being responsible for those things I was responsible for. I love that I did that. There was a time when I loved yellow gingham for morning place settings. I loved it. It made me so happy to be the mom ~ and to be the grandma, too. I kept trying to be that person, kept trying to create and celebrate that life, no matter what the kids were doing or how bad it got. That was a correct response. I see the strength in the family D H and I created. We are still somehow functioning, are somehow pulling our ways through it. I was so sad and hurt when we lost that vision, when we lost those dreams we were coming true right before our eyes. *** So, the answer to what is True North would be that it changes, as we all change. Flexibility would be True North. Savoring the moment we are in, sitting with the feelings right up close without letting the feelings matter because they are come of the past. And living our lives, tasting and savoring or spitting the bitter things out...those things are in the now. Acceptance without condemning ourselves for our situations. How the capacity to do that would free us, would change and strengthen us! I remember how certain I was that responsibility for what happened to all of us was somehow my shortcoming. I wish I had devoted that time when I was so desperate to find the answer to...almost anything else, really. The answer was not there where I was looking for it. It never was there. But when I look back, and when I see what I did with those questions, I admire my courage. I sort of revel in having learned all these things that I have found to be true about me. So that is my answer: Flexibility, awareness, acceptance. Presence. Attention to both positive [I]and negative[/I] change; openness to what a thing might be or to what it may develop into, instead of a compulsion to fit our stories into some more "acceptable" reality. Curiosity. That would be a component of True North. Maybe curiosity is True North, and these other things I have posted about are simply tools along the way. Goals and a schedule for achieving them or marking progress, but not agendas. It is interesting to me that everything that mattered to that young mom I was is gone. I don't even know whether that is good or bad. I suspect it is a loss in the sense that my children ~ that all of our children who fell into addiction or found themselves hounded by mental illness ~ seem not to have contributed what they might have. At times though, especially when I talk to my daughter at any depth, I wonder whether this mixing of people of different races and mental status and socioeconomic status is itself the miracle. I don't know. Cedar I see my grands living lives "my" grands should never have even seen close up. I don't like that this is so for them. We have too many grands (6) to have taken them in and raised them without seriously cramping our irresponsible retiree lifestyle. True. We picked to play, to forge ahead, instead of taking our grands. Here is a secret you already know: I would have taken them. D H? Not a chance. I don't know who was right or wrong about that. [/QUOTE]
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