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What is your "true north"?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661517" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I want to answer this question now for the second time.</p><p></p><p>My first attempt focused upon what I need to do in order to be a separate person. It did not address what I need to do to be complete. </p><p></p><p>At this point peace inside comes when my son is content and safe. This is the truth. My first post addressed the goal to gain some control over my psyche, to not be so dependent upon my son's state over which I have little or no control.</p><p></p><p>This exercise is hard for me. I know what my destiny would have been if as I child I could have followed my dreams and my gifts. What gave me contentment and happiness and meaning then were Art and movement. </p><p></p><p>My childhood was hard. Things happened to me that put what I loved out of my reach. I became somebody else. The person I became was driven more by my wounds, and what I lacked as a child. Not by gifts or hopes or happiness.</p><p></p><p>I was meant to be an Artist. I was almost born creating. Visual arts and music were my life's blood. Had I been a strong enough child emotionally and had support I would have been a dancer. I loved to move.</p><p></p><p>Instead, for much of my life I had a great deal of shame about my body. For a time I would not go out on the street because I did not want to be seen. </p><p></p><p>My creative impulse and my motivation I turned to academia and the human services field. This served me but was not my true purpose.</p><p></p><p>About 12 years ago I took a long time out from my career and I dedicated myself to becoming a dancer. After that I took Art classes and found my heart there.</p><p></p><p>If I think only of myself my true north is to study and produce as an Artist. A visual artist, and dancer and maybe writing. I want to be productive the rest of my life.</p><p></p><p>I need to dance. I know that sounds kind of dumb on one level. While I came close to achieving professional competency there is virtually no chance of performing at my age. But it really does not matter to me what the result is.</p><p></p><p>I could say that by dancing and creating I would be defying the past by taking control of my own destiny. And that would be true. </p><p></p><p>The thing is this: I am not just me. My life has been what it has been. Like for many of us, my life and I has been both broken and sad and in other ways triumphant and meaningful. While I may not have fulfilled my true destiny I am content with who I became.</p><p></p><p>I have gratitude now because I have a relationship where I am cared for as never before in my life. In my work I make relationship with others to help them better know who they are and what they need. This gives me meaning, purpose and contentment.</p><p></p><p>Looked at this way in my life I have traveled true north. I have made for myself much of what I lacked as a child. I know where I need to go next.</p><p></p><p>Doing the work to be a truly separate person. Dedicating myself to achieving a true voice through Art. Recovering joy in my body through movement. </p><p></p><p>I am looking forward to COM's further postings on true north, so that I can further refine mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661517, member: 18958"] I want to answer this question now for the second time. My first attempt focused upon what I need to do in order to be a separate person. It did not address what I need to do to be complete. At this point peace inside comes when my son is content and safe. This is the truth. My first post addressed the goal to gain some control over my psyche, to not be so dependent upon my son's state over which I have little or no control. This exercise is hard for me. I know what my destiny would have been if as I child I could have followed my dreams and my gifts. What gave me contentment and happiness and meaning then were Art and movement. My childhood was hard. Things happened to me that put what I loved out of my reach. I became somebody else. The person I became was driven more by my wounds, and what I lacked as a child. Not by gifts or hopes or happiness. I was meant to be an Artist. I was almost born creating. Visual arts and music were my life's blood. Had I been a strong enough child emotionally and had support I would have been a dancer. I loved to move. Instead, for much of my life I had a great deal of shame about my body. For a time I would not go out on the street because I did not want to be seen. My creative impulse and my motivation I turned to academia and the human services field. This served me but was not my true purpose. About 12 years ago I took a long time out from my career and I dedicated myself to becoming a dancer. After that I took Art classes and found my heart there. If I think only of myself my true north is to study and produce as an Artist. A visual artist, and dancer and maybe writing. I want to be productive the rest of my life. I need to dance. I know that sounds kind of dumb on one level. While I came close to achieving professional competency there is virtually no chance of performing at my age. But it really does not matter to me what the result is. I could say that by dancing and creating I would be defying the past by taking control of my own destiny. And that would be true. The thing is this: I am not just me. My life has been what it has been. Like for many of us, my life and I has been both broken and sad and in other ways triumphant and meaningful. While I may not have fulfilled my true destiny I am content with who I became. I have gratitude now because I have a relationship where I am cared for as never before in my life. In my work I make relationship with others to help them better know who they are and what they need. This gives me meaning, purpose and contentment. Looked at this way in my life I have traveled true north. I have made for myself much of what I lacked as a child. I know where I need to go next. Doing the work to be a truly separate person. Dedicating myself to achieving a true voice through Art. Recovering joy in my body through movement. I am looking forward to COM's further postings on true north, so that I can further refine mine. [/QUOTE]
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