He doesn't come home? Do you know where he is? If so, take it to him. Make the scene in front of his friends. Wiz went off the rails one night after my mom had JUST had surgery. She was not supposed to be upset and he announced he was leaving and just left with a backpack. My dad went and got him and the jerk promptly left again!
I knew where he was. I went to get him. I looked like a frumpy housewife because I had just tossed a dress on (I was in bed at the time my dad called.) I walked in ready to make a scene and call the cops if he forced me. I knew the owner of the business he was at (D&D gaming place) would back me up as he is great about that. Wiz saw me and got up, got his stuff and walked out calmly with me. We went and talked after I called my dad to say I had him.
I told Wiz that the next time he pulled a stunt like that I was going to get a depends package and walk in with it. I would announce in my LOUDEST mommy voice that he ran away and forgot the depends he needs so he doesn't pee in the bed at night. He KNOWS I will do it.
The first time I would go and talk with the parents. Explain that if he shows up he needs to be sent home. Some parents won't do it, but many will. Explain to the boy that if he is out with-o permission it is running away. The cops will be called (in my opinion you need to start doing that. He needs to know that you are serious about making him follow the rules.). Make sure the cops will come get him before you tell him. Call the non-emergency number and ask how they handle reports of runaways. At the very least you should make the cops take a runaway report every time he leaves with-o permission. Enough of those will get him before a judge.
Get creative. Embarrass him in front of his friends. Make the parents aware he is not supposed to be there. Let businesses know if he hangs out at a business. The gaming place Wiz hangs out at will let a kid come back ONCE if the cops show up for them. The second time they are told to not ever come back. They are told to leave if they arrive under the influence of any drug. If they use on the property the guy calls the police. He works with police and parents to provide a safe place for the kids to play D&D Magic and other games. He has a second room that is painted black and is for kids to hang out in with black lights, music, etc.... No drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol. If your parent calls and says you have to come home then you have to leave. If he is at a business that is NOT cooperating with you, send the cops there.
Do things like the singing. If he goes out on his bike, follow him. If he has a cell phone don't take it away. Make sure it has gps on it. Then track him. Go out and find wherever he is at.
Another thing to do is make sure he has no house key and the doors and windows are locked. My Gma kept my dad and aunt and uncle in line by telling them they could leave at any time. But the door may or may not open when they return. She meant it. If they had run away she would have locked the house up tight and let them figure it out for themselves. If he leaves, let him spend a night in the yard. Let him worry about if you will let him back in. You have to be sure you will stick to your guns if you try this one.
I am sure others will have creative ideas. Brainstorm. Ask your other kids what things you do embarassed them? Use those things to motivate difficult child. Heck, go up to school and let him have it there if he is acting out in school or not turning things in. Trust me, other kids will say enough to him to motivate him to do anything to keep you from doing it again.
Just be VERY sure you follow through on EVERY thing you say you will do. If you say it, it is set in stone. NO backing out, NO do-overs, NO second chances. Follow through is CRUCIAL. Without it, all is lost.
