What more can I say to my grandson?

[lovemysons]

My sweet grandson sent me a picture of himself standing in front of a tree yesterday. He said, “I look so ugly lol I’m sorry y'all got me as your grandson.”

I said, “you are so handsome! You have no idea!”

Then I said, “grandson please don't talk bad about yourself. You are a beautiful person. We love you SO much!”

“We all go through stages in life where we don't think we look good. But you really are handsome.
I wish you were my age at times like this when you feel this way about yourself. You realize that looks don't matter so much anymore. “

What more can I say to him? He looked so sad in the picture. This is my only grandson out of 8 grandchildren. He is the oldest. Almost 17 in November. He is the one who lost his dad, my son, 2 1/2 years ago on Thanksgiving morning.

I strive to lift these 3 grandchildren up knowing how much they’ve lost and suffered in life. Their mother is a drug addict and their other grandmother ,who they live with, is a hoarder. Their house is a pigsty.

I fear he has no self respect. Very little self worth. I am so sad for him.

He is around 6 feet tall and is a bit overweight. He has naturally curly brown hair and brown eyes like his mom. He has olive complexion. I really do think he is handsome! All of my grandchildren are beautiful. And he has such a good heart too. Wonderful big brother.

Help!

 

[lovemysons]

Then I just said,
“Someday you'll realize your own self worth. And even though you really are handsome, you'll realize that it's what's on the inside of your mind and heart that matters most.”

And grandson you truly are a good person. I see you with your brothers and sisters and how you talk about your other grandmother and know what a beautiful heart you have.”

“You're going to go far in life. It's just taking a little while longer for you to get your start. Be patient. Your time is coming.”

Grandson has not had a good education due to his mother’s neglect. My husband and I are trying to educate him in little ways along the way. Math skills, history, politics, current events etc.

Next year, when he turns 18, we plan on him coming to live with us and my husband taking him under his wing with work.
I will teach him home chores, which he already knows are expected at our house when he comes to visit us. I also teach him how to cook.

I don’t want to have a pity party for him as I don’t want him to get victim mentality. I just want to lift him up and help him realize his own value.

 

[Nandina]

LMS, what your son said about himself just breaks my heart. I am so glad you’ll be taking him in and helping him instill confidence in himself.

What does he like to do? Sports? Art? Maybe learning to play a musical instrument, like guitar? I would find something like that and get him involved. They are great confidence-builders.

We enrolled our son in Taekwondo when he was about 11, mainly to help him focus because he had ADHD and to our surprise, he really excelled and got almost to the black belt. Unfortunately, his behavior started going downhill and we stopped going because behavior and honor and things like that are part of the tenets of Taekwondo. But it was a great confidence-builder for him. There are dozens of different positions that the student must do to advance to the next level—one after another and it involves memory, coordination, strength training, etc. Later on they do things like break boards with their hands and feet. Talk about an ego booster for a young man! Lol

I think teaching him to cook is a great idea and your husband letting him help with the business will certainly boost his self-esteem. Some of my best moments with my son were in the kitchen, helping me cook. Also he learned some math skills along the way, like how to measure things, the difference between a teaspoon and tablespoon, and of course reading and following directions for recipes.

What a lucky kid he is to have you in his life! I know you’ll have great times with him and he will be a different child before you know it. I look forward to hearing about your adventures together!

 

[Nandina]

*I meant grandson, sorry. Lucky to have you as his granny! What you said to him was beautiful, LMS. Such loving, supportive words.

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you for your replies Nandina. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Busy weekend.

Unfortunately we are an hour and a half away from grandson and his mother can’t be relied on to get grandson anywhere.

I think any confidence boosting skills will have to be sought once grandson lives with us.

I just hate to see him so depressed. His father, my son, used to say similar things about himself which I could never understand. He too, was so handsome.

Once you’re our age you realize that looks may initially attract but they are definitely not the glue that sustains a long term relationship.
So much more goes into that.

I will pray for him always. He really does have a great heart, which is half the battle. He just needs to learn to believe in himself.

Thanks again for the response and ideas my friend.
Love,
LMS