what next????

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Sep 19, 2011.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We got a new backpack for difficult child this weekend, and she took it to school today. I cleaned out the old one this morning, and I found a paper that she had typed out. Not sure if it was an assignment or not. It said "10 Things I want to do before I die" And 1 to 8 had typical things that most girls might write down. Swim with dolphins, go on a cruise, go on a safari.

    #9 Pick out a pretty outfit and casket
    #10 Say my goodbyes

    I have sent our therapist a note about it. I guess I will call the school and see if it was an actual assignment or not. I know if I show it to her - the response will be "just kidding". It isn't funny.

    Right now it is hard, because I am waiting on a call back from a new therapist... as difficult child won't be open/honest with the one we have as he goes to our church. I called on Friday, and I called again the morning. Then I called a different one that I thought would be good for me to see to learn how to handle all of this. Still waiting on a call back on that one too.

  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} hon. I would take that list seriously. It doesn't sound like an assignment ANY school would give out. It sounds like a plan but with the swimming with dolphins and stuff that can't be done anytime soon, it makes me think it's not imminent. On the other hand, has she watched the movie "Bucket List" recently? I can see where that might spur something like this. Keep us posted.
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    No, no Bucket List movie. But she has been on Seroquel for 6 days. Not sure when this note was written. Since it was typed and printed out - I know it had to been done at school. Our printer isn't working at home. I left a message by email with the therapist. Now waiting of 3 therapists and one school counselor to return a call. Geesh. KSM
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Sending patience your way!
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) I know it's upsetting to find such a list, but having been there myself, I can tell you that her making such a list is a positive thing. The reality is that she probably feels so awful inside that she wants to be dead instead of living with that constant emotional pain. Making out a bucket list is actually a therapeutic process for herself to generate hope and strength to go on and stay alive long enough to DO the things on the list. As items on the list get checked off, others may pop into mind that she'll need to add. Also, the fact that her list includes extravagant things, means she's looking way into the future - she wants to stay around to do such things, but she's in so much pain, but if she thinks about these AWESOME things to do, that she won't get to do if she cuts her life short, she can manage to keep going.

    My hearts aches for you both, but this list indicates that she's doing "OK" considering her circumstances.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This actually may be nothing to worry about. Before the movie, making a list of things to accomplish before you die was supposed to be inspiring - it was a list of goals to achieve during your lifetime. I remember making lists like that in high school. I also remember reading articles about other people who made such lists during school - and the amazing adventures they'd had trying to accomplish all those goals: Climb Mt Everest, fly an airplane, see the pyramids...

    Since the movie, the list has become more of a "stuff to do on my way out"...as though death were imminent.

    Either way, though - from the sounds of your daughter's list...it's pretty typical until those last two entries. Maybe she just had trouble coming up with 10 ideas - and then someone (a teacher, perhaps?) was prompting her "Come on! If you knew you were about to die - what would you do?" Seems like saying goodbye and picking out a nice outfit are pretty reasonable answers...
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im with DF on this one. Sounds to me like most of her list was pretty wonderful stuff and then she got to the end and got very practical. Well...if Im going to die, lets see, I would want to have a nice dress and a very pretty casket because I wouldnt want friends and family to come see me in some ugly one and oh wait...I must say good-bye first!

    I do think most people have some sort of a bucket list even if they dont actually write it down and if we were to be totally honest, your daughters last two things are probably on most of ours.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ditto DF and DJ. My first thought was, 'how very logical of her'. I was not headed to a dark place at all.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It could have been an assignment. When I was in junior high, we had to plan our own funeral as an assignment. Poignantly, one year a girl died in a car accident a few weeks after doing the assignment. Her parents just gave her paper to the funeral director and said 'do this'.
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    The school counselor said that one of the teachers did have an assignment called Top Ten... but he was out yesterday when I called her and she was supposed to call me back today, but she didn't. difficult child seems to be in a stable mood, not raging. So will wait a little more to talk to her. It is just hard to have private time to talk sometimes. KSM
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    One of our better tdocs called these flags "important but not urgent". Yes, you need to know where she's coming from and where she's going... but not likely that it will be a problem real soon. Maybe just a "heads-up" kind of flag... be aware, in case there are other signs. But NOT something to panic about.