What r your thoughts about online boyfriends/girlfriends and difficult children?

[Rabbit]

What r your thoughts about online boyfriends/girlfriends and difficult children? MY difficult child 3 my most difficult "adult" child has one. He is from Canada and will be coming to USA to visit in may. She plans to visit him in June. I am not happy about this. I have noticed others have teen and adult child involved in this type of thing.It is a little bit hypocritical of me because I have online friends like you. yet on the other hand I do not know if this guy is who he says he is or even a good person. You heard so much on the news etc. What r your opinions?

 

[DammitJanet]

Hmmm, well she is 19. How long has she known him online? How did she meet him online? Canada. There are a whole lot of if's here. Can you do a background check in Canada? I dont know. Maybe one of our Canadian friends can tell us.

I would make darned sure they meet in a public place. She doesnt stay over with him at all. Im glad he is coming here first so she gets to make sure he is real.

It can happen. I have met many people that I have talked to online and they are perfectly normal people. I have only met one person that I regret. If you absolutely clamp down on her and say she cant do this she will probably sneak out and do it anyway. I think at her age I would allow it but monitor her and him closely.

 

[Rabbit]

Unfortunately I can not stop her from doing anything. difficult child 3 met him on a site where u play games online. I will probably be able to get some kind of background check but it will be expensive and not that complete because their privacy laws are stricter than ours. Janet thanks for responding

 

[DDD]

It's a little late for my one and only suggestion.......and she is too old. on the other hand for parents of younger teens we did not allow the use of the word boyfriend at our house. Every possible future boyfriend was referred to as "your new friend John" or "your friend from X". It helped with the younger teens because they got the message that you can't have a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) until you have known that person for quite awhile. You have to know their family, their favorite foods, their sense of humor etc. etc. etc. Somehow all of them "got" the message that they were welcome to have friends and their friends would be welcome to visit our home for dinner or whatever BUT they were not allowed to have boyfriend's who were new acquaintances.

Sorry...it works better at 14, 15, etc. Do you best to dial it back and put in perspective for her. Good luck. DDD

 

[Kathy813]

I have a mixed mind about this like some of the others. I know people that have met their spouses online and it led to a stable, happy marriage. However, they were adults and not difficult child's. I would worry that a difficult child would be more likely to fall prey to someone that is not on the up and up.

I would definitely insist on your difficult child meeting this man in a public place preferably with a friend in tow. If the guy is really what he says he is he would certainly understand the need for precaution.

I hate to worry you but there was just a case in the news about a woman that was murdered by a man that she met on a Christian dating website so I believe you have every right to be concerned.

~Kathy

 

[BusynMember]

I think it's different to us at our ages, but the normal way to meet people for younger kids, difficult children or not. I know a lot of people who met their spouses online and seems no better or worse than any other way. Once kids are no longer in college, where can they meet people? In bars? If so, to me that is just as risky.

Match.com is HUGE!!!!! My newly divorced son has met many young ladies on it.

 

[Rabbit]

I am really scared but she is an adult. Now she has informed me after he visits here she is going back to Canada with him right away for 10 days. I have asked her to take a friend with her but she has said no.
thanks for the responses I really appreciate them!

 

[BusynMember]

I worry too. My son allows these strange woman to come over and what if one is a Fatal Attraction or a nutcase and brings a knife? He isn't the type to expect it or react well to that. But...he could meet a girl at a bar and have the same scenario happen. Any date is a risk. I try not to think about it. Seriously, this online dating IS the future. My sister is 52 and she is doing it and she hates it, but she really doesn't know how else to meet anybody other than to go to bars, which I think are also potentially dangerous. She's had some nasty experiences at bars. I don't have the answers...mothers worry as long as we live.

And to think I never understood why my mom was so WORRIED about me when I had a date with a new guy. I wasn't officially allowed to date in a car until I was seventeen (although I snuck out to date anyway earlier). I don't think there are any good solutions that will make mothers at ease. Just our lot in life, I guess (sigh).

 

[Rabbit]

Thanks

 

[Star*]

Well you could put MY picture in the house and tell him that ANY offspring from a UNION.......will result in ((((((point to me))))))) THIS .......That should just scare the poo out of him ......and maybe he'd head for the border without my niece????? (shakes head) I have no good suggestions here......I have a Granddaughter I've never met. (sigh) (what I'm saying is) apparently showing my picture did NOT work for HER.

 

[Rabbit]

Thanks Star

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL Star. Honestly in this day and age I dont know how we are supposed to handle these situations without putting the kids on leashes or in cages. Unfortunately we cant do that even when they are underage. We have to hope that our kids will have a smidgen of common sense and use it. Awful things can happen even if they meet a person in church or the local library. We just have to have hope this person is the next Justin Beiber..lol.

 

[Rabbit]

Very true. Now he is coming down only for 1 or2 days in June and then difficult child 3 is going with him to his house in Canada for 10 days. We have been aguring for an hr and a half and I have a headache. Thanks again to those who responded.

 

[bby31288]

Have her watch the MTV show Catfish. It may help her to realize all is not what it seems.

 

[Rabbit]

If I suggest it She will never watch it! Thanks for the suggest though . I appreciate it!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Rabbit... I'm so old-fashioned my kids think I should be sent to taxidermy, but...
As soon as you're crossing borders (state/prov, or international), it's a huge red flag.
The people you are meeting on-line should be people you "could" (in theory) end up meeting in real life without being on-line.
Not that all locals are "safe" either, but...
Why would somebody worth having have to travel that far???

 

[Rabbit]

I agree but there is nothing i can do. I wish I could do something! According to difficult child 3 they r in love and I am old fashioned and overprotective.