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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 725726" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>Welcome D7</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for what you are going through.</p><p>Please know you are not alone. I wold definitely be concerned for you and your other children. Safety is paramount, and if son is now involved with drugs and guns you need to be very concerned.</p><p></p><p>Have you gotten help/therapy for yourself?</p><p></p><p>I am not in he USA but If you identify what state you are in someone will help you with the eviction process.</p><p></p><p>If he is bringing drugs in to your home this is also a danger to you and your family.</p><p></p><p>We have had our son arrested.</p><p></p><p>There is an excellent article here on detachment. What we are all learning to do is to love our difficult children and not enable them. Detaching with Love.</p><p></p><p>Your son is now 18 as is mine. Where we live in Canada that is the age of emancipation. We have be n at this a number of years with our son and he has yet to get to complete high school or go to rehab. We on on our last waltz with all of this. He requested to have time to complete high school before rehab and he had failed to get passing grades. We are in the final weeks of having a bed for him. He is on bail, after drugging and stealing with us to cover his drug debt. </p><p></p><p>We have gone to therapy and I have gained such a tremendous amount of knowledge and courage from this site as well as Naranon. </p><p></p><p>We have set solid boudaries and know we can not control another persons behaviour. We will not support another free loading attempt at finishing high school. He can finish up in rehab. If he leaves rehab before completion we will rescind his bail and he will go to jail. If he completes rehab he can return hone as long as he seeks a a job and pays nominal room and board. </p><p></p><p>He will have to finish high school in a GED program part time. We will support him in continuing education with tuition school supplies food and housing, as long as he maintains passing grades. If not get a job and pay room and board or be on your own. </p><p></p><p>To live with us he will need to contribute to the household chores and follow our house rules if not he will be on his own. </p><p></p><p>He is our only child and we have been through Hell and back with him. We do not intend to give any more of our time, money or life to this nonsense.he will live the life he chooses to live. </p><p></p><p>Your son may be on the spectrum, however this is no excuse for his behaviour. He is capable of stealing and selling. He is capable of making choices. He has not learned to improve with the past assistance you have given him. Perhaps it is time to get out of his way and let him live the life he has invested in with the choices he has made. </p><p></p><p>The important thing to understand is we have not caused this problem, we can not control this nor can we Cure it. I spent a lot of time in Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Known as FOG. </p><p></p><p>Through the support of many wise people on this site I have found the strength to mange our son better. This has not been easy and it is a daily practice to maintain boundaries. </p><p></p><p>There is no right or wrong way to manage this difficult situation. We do what is in our hearts to bear to do. </p><p></p><p>Know you are not alone. I am happy you found us but sad that you need to be here. </p><p></p><p>Keep coming back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 725726, member: 21895"] Welcome D7 I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know you are not alone. I wold definitely be concerned for you and your other children. Safety is paramount, and if son is now involved with drugs and guns you need to be very concerned. Have you gotten help/therapy for yourself? I am not in he USA but If you identify what state you are in someone will help you with the eviction process. If he is bringing drugs in to your home this is also a danger to you and your family. We have had our son arrested. There is an excellent article here on detachment. What we are all learning to do is to love our difficult children and not enable them. Detaching with Love. Your son is now 18 as is mine. Where we live in Canada that is the age of emancipation. We have be n at this a number of years with our son and he has yet to get to complete high school or go to rehab. We on on our last waltz with all of this. He requested to have time to complete high school before rehab and he had failed to get passing grades. We are in the final weeks of having a bed for him. He is on bail, after drugging and stealing with us to cover his drug debt. We have gone to therapy and I have gained such a tremendous amount of knowledge and courage from this site as well as Naranon. We have set solid boudaries and know we can not control another persons behaviour. We will not support another free loading attempt at finishing high school. He can finish up in rehab. If he leaves rehab before completion we will rescind his bail and he will go to jail. If he completes rehab he can return hone as long as he seeks a a job and pays nominal room and board. He will have to finish high school in a GED program part time. We will support him in continuing education with tuition school supplies food and housing, as long as he maintains passing grades. If not get a job and pay room and board or be on your own. To live with us he will need to contribute to the household chores and follow our house rules if not he will be on his own. He is our only child and we have been through Hell and back with him. We do not intend to give any more of our time, money or life to this nonsense.he will live the life he chooses to live. Your son may be on the spectrum, however this is no excuse for his behaviour. He is capable of stealing and selling. He is capable of making choices. He has not learned to improve with the past assistance you have given him. Perhaps it is time to get out of his way and let him live the life he has invested in with the choices he has made. The important thing to understand is we have not caused this problem, we can not control this nor can we Cure it. I spent a lot of time in Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Known as FOG. Through the support of many wise people on this site I have found the strength to mange our son better. This has not been easy and it is a daily practice to maintain boundaries. There is no right or wrong way to manage this difficult situation. We do what is in our hearts to bear to do. Know you are not alone. I am happy you found us but sad that you need to be here. Keep coming back. [/QUOTE]
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