What teachers really want to tell Parents

Discussion in 'Parenting News' started by DS3, Sep 7, 2011.

  1. DS3

    DS3 New Member

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I saw this article and rolled.

    Right along the lines of what I would think, and how I try to act. I hate the thought of being a helicopter parent!
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    LOL I was once invited to a parent's information expo. It included a seminar on "How NOT to be a helicopter parent" I told the oprganizer no thanks. I needed help becoming one - ie being a better advocate for my son.

    I liked this part
    I expect my kids to get all As, but of course will accept whatever grades they get if I know they are doing their best. More than once I've asked a teacher if one of the kids REALLY got an A. I mean REALLY???? My child, on THAT subject. REALLY?
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There's two sides to the story - at least. We'll see how many sides come out of this...
    And in my opinion, this teacher's attitude is part of the problem. BUT only part of it.

    There are problem parents. Ones with neurotypical kids who are spoiled brats. They DO exist. Or ones where the parent is not quite stable, and reacts to everything inappropriately. And yes, these kinds of situations are a major problem for school systems. No question.
    But there are also problem teachers - and ineffective ones - and ones who are too green to know what they are doing...

    And then there are the kids who have very real problems, but the kids of problems that are either difficult to get a diagnosis for, or for which there is no diagnosis (yet)... problems which for years have been labelled "attitude". When in fact, the poor kid is being pushed to the edge of insanity every single day. To a large extent, these are OUR kids, here on the board.
    If WE back off? our kids are literally killed by the system. There's no way teachers can even begin to comprehend the complexities of every single student.
    But as parents - we have almost no power with the teachers. NOTHING we say has any value. They might respond to a psychiatrist's report recommendations - but they will implement it they way THEY see it, not in the way that is best for your child.

    But - teachers hate warrior parents. Even when time proves us right - they hate us. We make their life difficult.

    Interesting aside... I know lots of people who left the teaching profession. Not ONE left because of the parents. MOST left because the system did not allow them to make a difference in the lives of kids who needed "more". Cutting a kid some slack because of challenges was "cheating". Working with the parents to come up with solutions was forbidden - not in writing, but by the culture of the system. Two old teachers - ones who taught for 20 years - have commented recently that they feel sorry for new teachers, because they are not taught how to teach. They are taught how to prepare materials, how to present materials in the "common fashion", how to mark and manage and so on. But they are NOT taught how to teach. They have to figure that part out for themselves - and it takes about 7 years. So... why do so many quit so early in their career? They don't have a clue what they are doing, and recognize that they can't handle it. Which is sad, because some could become great teachers... if someone would just teach them.

    Parents are "the problem" with school? Sorry. I'm not buying it.
  5. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I don't believe that parents are the issue, either. Oh I can say that I am probably not their favorite parent by any means. I would not say that I am a helicopter parent, but I have gone to school to make them get down to the bottom of an issue when they like to say, we don't care who started it, you're both in trouble. Three times they have issued a suspension to my daughter that I did not think was fair. Twice she deserved what she got. The three times that they just issued her a suspension called and apologized and recanted the suspension when learning the true issue in the classroom. There are a few great kids who while are intimidated and don't want bullies to start bullying them they will come in after class and tell the truth about things that happen in the classroom. I have caught teachers lying and while I know they are human but that is unacceptable. I dislike the remark about sitting on the couch eating potato chips, also. I am a single mom and had to work two jobs to make ends meet and provide for my kids. i did however miss very few special events at school. I supported every fund raiser, and volunteered when I could. I did not however attend PTO meetings, but I wasn't home eating potato chips either. That suggest a slothen laziness and I am far from that. My daughter has had some awesome, awesome, administrators and teachers, but their is always a couple bad apples even in a group of teachers. I had one teacher who did not believe in ADHD, and told me it was always in boys and not girls. My request was that she be placed in the front of the classroom, somewhere in the front row. She moved her to the back by the hallway inside the classroom, to prove her point that she didn't have ADHD. I went to the school for treats for something and found her talking to someone outside in the hallway. This was of dealing with the kids who have been diagnosed with adhd, put them all in the back of the room, and get them as far away from her as she could, as long as they were distracted and she didn't have to deal with them. Was so not a good year.
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2011
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Ya know...

    I do occasionally sit on the sofa and share chips with the kids. Just 'cause I do this, doesn't mean I'm a bad parent. I think the stereotype exists for a reason - don't they all? - but the biggest thing here is - there are awful teachers, awful parents, and some pretty awful kids. Add in the odd awful school administrator and things get ugly real quick.

    It's been my experience that most teachers do what they do because they love it, and they want to make a difference. There are some bad apples. But... Most parents love their kids... No matter how they show it... And want the best for them... And most kids want to be good... So. This article pretty much took all the so-called helicopter parents and lumped them together...
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Check out the thread in Watercooler about the Anthony parents and you'll see the word EXCUSES comes up A LOT.
    In my area, my world and in my life....I have substitute taught and worked in schools. Yes, many parents can make excuses for their children and although it is never "ok," it gets particularly concerning when it continues into middle school and beyond. Parents sometimes make teachers look foolish and this is ashame. True, there are some mediocre (or worse) teachers...a sorrowful thing. But this topic is not about that. It's about kids getting away with things and parents backing their inappropriate behaviors up with excuses. These kids often show signs of entitlement and this can lead to all sorts of problematic behaviors.

    It gets a little more complicated and confusing with special needs children. I think we have to advocate that they are not being ignored or abused within the system. It takes awareness. Sometimes that means walking a fine line between being a good parent and enabling. Enabling just is never going to be a healthy thing to do.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    What we were told - every single year by teachers, school admin, social workers, etc., until the last 3 months... is that our child is not "special needs", that we as parents are in fact creating 100% of his problems. The message was, consistently: Get out of our face, get out of our way, WE know what is best for your child.

    We came within a hair of suicide, and a raft of other problems - none of which would have happened if school would have listened.

    SO... every time I hear a "teacher-rant" like this? I have to wonder... just how many other kids are out there like our difficult child - kids who nobody believes, kids who don't have PITB or pitbull parents, who are willing to go to any length to find real answers. Because... the school system (and the medical system, to be fair) have made absolutely ZERO provisions for kids like ours.

    Yes, there are PITB parents who should NOT be that way. The "not my poor innocent little Johnny" syndrome parents.

    So... How can we tell the two classes of parents apart? I don't have an answer... yet.