What the bleep

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Amity, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. Amity

    Amity New Member

    Difficult son is 6 and today I had an IEP meeting. Myself and people from 5 different departments. He already has an IEP in place but so much behavior came to a head during the summer that I was way worried about him in the school.
    Guess it was unfounded. They said he is perfectly normal in every way. He is super sweet and never has had any issues. They see no reason to treat him unlike the masses.
    I am floored. On one hand I'm proud, like yeah baby that's awesome and then it hits.
    Wtf. I am not making this stuff up. I am not creating a disability. I am not doing this crap for fun. I don't deal with tantrums, special diets, sleeping issues, anxiety issues, hiding and general behavioral upsets in all of our family because I am bored. I am not creating drama nor do I want this for my little boy.

    I came in armed with asking for a occupational therapy evaluation, an updated speech and language assessment. A small group or one on one paraprofessional. Special requests for field trips, holiday events, and assemblies. I was armed with information from law wise, forums, blogs and Facebook groups information on how to go about this meeting. I was ready to get the most for my son. to see him get what he needs and they basically said it's all unnecessary. I actually asked at one point if they had the right child. I thought maybe for a minute there they didn't grab the wrong folder and thought they were talking with someone else. They said likely he will age out of services at 8 and probably will not need an IEP.

    I seriously don't know what to do with this information I feel angry and weirded out and angry and frustrated and angry
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I had to fight this insanity too.

    I called the states Dept. Of Public Education and was given the name of a free advocate who really helped me. I also took my son to a neuro psychologist and brought all the diagnostic stuff to school. With a diagnosis of autism, the school had no choice but to give him services. Teachers can not diagnose what is and isnt typical behavior. That is not their field.

    Our school district seemed intimidated by this advocate who knew the law and brought at least one district to court, winning at no cost to the people she went to bat for.

    I never had trouble again. The school treated both my kids very well after that. I guess i scared them. I didnt care as long as my son got his services.

    You can hire a lawyer if you can afford one, but I didnt have to and I could never have afforded one.

    The private evaluation, which was covered by our insurance, not paid for or affiliated by school, made my case. Autism is a recognized disability requiring intervention.

    My son is doing great. I wish you the best of luck. It is not fun to deal with schools. Usually they want to pay as little and do as little fof our kids as possible.

    Be strong.
     
  3. Amity

    Amity New Member

    Teacher says he is sweet as pie, never had had a single upset in her class.

    Don't get me wrong I'm greatfull and frankly in awe at thier Magic touch upon my son. But come on. NEVER
    That's because home had become a dumping ground for all his emotion. He comes home and dumps. Runs straight for a computer and is D O N E. The rest of the night is a fight, sobbing, cranky, ugly mess.

    All I want is a little of what he gives to school at home.
     
  4. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Yeah well. There is a honeymoon period and he may show them behaviors yet. You know how your kids are super sweet at somebody else's house and may even OFFER TO DO THE DISHES?? Maybe it's like that at school? Maybe he's more stressed out at school than he's showing and he let's down at home because it's safe. I don't know you or your boy, but some of us here have experienced it. And we don't think you're nuts;) I wish my grandson would be as good at school as he is at home. In the meantime, keep learning about your rights, his rights, etc. I hope you won't need it, but maybe you will.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Its true. Some kids act like angels at school and awful at home. But if son has any trouble learning, even if he is well behaved he will need services. Some do well until fourth grade when school gets harder and kids need to be more independent.

    Be glad he behaves at school. Mine all were okay at school too. At school I emphasize. ;)
     
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  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is highly likely your child is so difficult at home because he works super hard at school to hold it all together and to behave the way he thinks he is supposed to behave. Then he comes home, where he is safe and loved, and he just falls apart. This is good, because you know he feels safe and loved by you. He feels you will love him even when he is his absolute worst. It is bad because you have to deal with the absolute worst behaviors and your child falling apart all the time.

    Make his school day less difficult for him. Challenge the school to make his day easier. It shouldn't be so hard that he comes home and falls apart. It just shouldn't. Insist they give you what you want, even if they don't have problems. Who cares if they see you as difficult? Many times they saw me as absolutely impossible. I was the room mom, the mom who volunteered for anything and was always there to lend a hand. I was also the mom who insisted on exactly what my kid needed, when my kid needed it. Delay it and we had a problem. A BIG problem. I didn't hesitate to call in the director of special education (she finally just came to all our IEP meetings as a general rule to make sure I was given what I asked for) or the superintendent of schools. I got to be on a first name basis with his secretary. I used to bring her cookies. She liked me. It meant I got what I wanted. Often she wouldn't even bother the superintendent, she just told whomever was annoying me to give me what I wanted. It really upset a few principals. Which made me happy. THey were upsetting me.

    Let them know you won't back down. Get an advocate. Get a lawyer if you need one. Insist on the Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. And any other thing that will help him. Explain that while he may be well behaved for them, the school day is so difficult for him that he is unable to cope by the time he gets home. This is a problem that needs fixing. They will help you fix it. Or else. You don't say the or else part. You just imply it. At least I did. They didn't get it at first. Then they did.
     
  7. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    These teachers know that the behaviors don't start until at least mid October. Get an advocate.
     
  8. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Amity, you know your child best; don't question your knowledge.

    I remember that in first grade Ferb had a teacher he adored. I went in for the parent teacher conference, and she told me that my kid was the type of kid she dreamed of having in her class. I told her I was Ferb Johnson's mom. She said yes, Ferb. I was flabbergasted. My kid was behaving perfectly for HER all day and coming home and losing it with me. Positively maddening.

    That good behavior at school did not last. With Ferb, if he liked a teacher it was fine. If he didn't like the teacher, boy oh boy, did he give some people rough years.

    You are not nuts. You know your kid. Find an advocate.
     
  9. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    You say your child already has an IEP in place. Were you trying to modify the IEP in some way? Just wondered what brought you back to the table. Was his meeting scheduled for this early in the year (it does happen sometimes)?

    What may or may not happen when your son is 8 years old doesn't matter now and in my opinion, they shouldn't be speculating. Children's needs change dramatically in a brief period of time at this age.

    If he needs more support as you suspect, that will become obvious in the coming weeks and months.

    It might be possible that the structure provided by the school day helps your son maintain appropriate behavior there, whereas he melted down over the summer without that support.

    I would second the advice you've gotten to secure the services of an advocate and fight for what you think your child needs.

    In the meantime, you might want to ask for a referral to a developmental pediatrician to rule autism spectrum disorders in or out. Your son's regular pediatrician is a good place to ask for such a referral.