What to do????? Losing everything.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Mar 10, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I just can't do this one more day. My difficult child is driving me over the edge. The DCFS worker met her yesterday and her words were, Jody, I have never met anyone quite like your daughter. She is a handful, and I have met a lot of troubled kids. She is 11. It takes three weeks to get her in the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) that says they are going to take her. I don't know if I will be able to mentally make it that amount of time. Everyone is fed up with her. Every social agency and help that I have is just sick of it. They can't understand why I just don't put her in foster care, but then they tell me to carefully think about that. She is so miserable and mean and hateful. I just don't even want to talk about her anymore, but I also don't want to lose her for ever either. My health is deteriorating, mental and physical. My finances and home are a wreck and I am having to rehome some of my pets because of her. I've lost homes, jobs, friends, relationships. SO SO Sick of it. Just needed to vent.
  2. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    No advice but a gentle sympathetic hug.
  3. unsure

    unsure New Member

    From one Jody to another (((HUGS)))
  4. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Well to top my day off the residential treatment facility that said they had an opening for her, called and said they weren't able to deal with my daughter's mental health issues. They are not a lock down facility and that's what she sounds like she needs. Can't quite believe what I am hearing. This was based on the hospital reports.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    Check your PMs, I might have an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) suggestion for you.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Jody.
    I am so sorry.
    I didn't realize that RTCs wouldn't accept certain kids. It seems like that would be perfect for her.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending my sympathies. Does your community have therapeutic foster care? Although I have never had direct experience "back in the day" when I was a GAL there were a couple of good therapeutic foster homes available. They were not seen as a permanent placement. Sometimes a change of environment can bring about manageable behavior and an appreciation for the family home. Good luck. DDD
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This happened to us, too. We thought we found a facility that would take our daughter. They said they had an opening...everything looked good. But then after they'd had a chance to review her records, they turned us down--stating that our daughter needed a locked-down facility.

    We then applied to the locked-down facility that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #1 had recommended. Turned down there also. The reason? Based on the medical records, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #2 didn't feel that difficult child needed a locked-down facility. They recommended Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #1.

    So now here we are---months later--and no possible placement in sight.

    I hope you do not have the same experience and a suitable placement can be found soon!
  9. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Well I finally lost it today. I brought her home on Tuesday and she smells. She won't bathe and I don't know which area of her smells worse but a combination of it all is grossing me out. I got her to bathe last night. Thank goodness. We had a semi-peaceful evening. This morning however, cursing, threw the dog bowl at me and hit me in the leg, hit walls and doors and anything else in her way, books were flying. She was told no she could not have an extra dollar for something at school and BAM. I told her that the answer would be no for today because of the name calling and behavior. She escalated and while I was taking her to school because she refused to catch the bus, she said while I was driving. I could choke the life right out of you with that key chain around your neck. She was very calm and very serious. She began hitting me in the car because she wanted to control the volume on the radio station. I let her control it for my safety and hers, because she wouldn't stop hitting me and I was swerving. I dropped her off at school, and got to work and called the DCFS worker and she agreed that I must not go pick her up. I had to make a hotline call and let them know, that they needed to go to her school and evaluate her immediately. She was not coming home at the end of the day and that she was expecting someone to come and pick her up. Child Family Services Worker, has onlymet her a few times, but says she has a lot more going on than I can help her with. I agree. Another agency told me I had to leave my job today and have her transported. I said I am not. One of the agencies will have to get her there, it's not safe for me to drive her there and I am not leaving work AGAIN. I am going to be fired soon. I have already packed up my personal belongings and put them in the car, so when they do it I can get out of here fast. My work has been affected, my emotions, my attendance, my attitude, Everything. I am hoping and praying that they will have one more ounce of patience and understanding with me and let me try to fix what I haven't been able to take care of during this never ending crisis.

    I am not taking her home. They got her hospitalized and the social worker from school took her. I gave the hospital verbal consent over the phone. At this point I am not even going out there for a bit. I am not going to allow her to call me at her will either. I am putting restrictions on her phone time with me. She likes to call and try to control me thru the never ending whining and temper tantrums on the phone. Not being pulled in. No physical, emotional abuse, tonight. I don't have to worry when I turn around something is going to hit me in my face. I am safe today. I want to scream and shout and smile. Sounds a little nutty to me, but once I was a battered woman (husband, no longer) and I have the same type of reliefe when I would get away from him. Hasn't happened in twenty years, but it's the same relief. I am listening to What a beautiful world, and Get ready by a singer named Eva Cassidy. Please listen if you have an opportunity to today. She died of cancer many years ago, but has a perfect voice and can just make you feel good. You can U-tube her and try the live version at Blues Alley. Thank you for listening to me today and for your friendship. There isn't anyone to talk to about this, they just don't want to hear about it.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for the pain this is causing you. I do understand the comparison to being an abused wife... I felt the same way. I'm glad your difficult child is safe, as are you. Take this time to re-group and take care of yourself. Try to sleep peacefully, and take heart in the fact that you do not have to deal with any crisis tonight, and revel in the quiet of your home. Turn off the phone if you have to.

    Many hugs to you.
  11. unsure

    unsure New Member

    I wish for you a peaceful evening.
    Do something for you, that makes you feel good.
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Jody - I am glad that DCFS stepped up and helped. We restricted Kanga's phone access to us for over a year. I completely understand.
  13. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Well my difficult child called me several times yesterday. UGH. I called the hospital and told them she can call me 2'xs per day. No more. I will call her also. She called last night witht he whining and crying and I am sorry, I want to come home bit. I couldn't listen to it. I told her that if she continued I would disconnect. I had to disconnect all threee times she called. I knew she was being manipulative and I am not going to feed into any of it. On the third call she let it all out. She had a rewards party yesterday and she missed it of course because of me. It was all my fault that she hit me and cursed and carried on and that she has to be hospitalized and that I called the assessment team to go evalaute at the exact time of the party. OMG. Since she is sitting next to the nurses at the nurses station she begins with the you know that I bathe all the time. I informed her standing under the water does not mean bathing. All a complete show for the staff. She really thinks she is smarter than everyone else. I hope they find the right medicine and that she can find a comfortable place to be. I did have some peace last night. Tonight is a major cleaning night. Looking forward to it!!!!!
  14. helpme

    helpme New Member

    For all of us who have experienced the "ah ha moment" of finally achieving the "safety/comfort level"
    without the physical abuse by anyone in our lives, it is an experience/sensation we never forget.
    It will soon become an aura around you that you will appreciate forever. I applaud you for your
    decisions. I am standing up cheering for you and rooting you on until you find the peace for yourself
    and your entire family.

    Getting help from the state of MO or IL is a difficult battle alright. Please continue to stand VERY
    strong until your difficult child gets the medical care necessary. I so wish that I would have fought harder
    in DEMANDING the medical attention for my difficult child before it was too late. I wish someone could have
    warned me how hard the criminal system in IL would be to deal with.

    I still have friends on the "other side of the river" (St. Louis) as well as "across the creek" (St. Charles).
    Both juv systems are a disaster alright. And the adult system is even worse. Oh and remember
    that CHASI has no legal responsibility to or with the medical/court system/law enforcement. I
    threatened them though with a court ordered disposition and things started going a lot better.
  15. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    My daughter's psychiatrist in the hospital called. She doesn't speak english very well. I had to keep asking her over and over again what she was saying. She seemed a little frustrated with me. I don't know if it's my tolerance level is not where it should be because of stress but I am totally irked with telling them everything again. They act like the situation that day is what really brought her to the hospital. It's not about that moment, it's about severe depression, anger, irritability. WHy do they not read the notes that the intake worker and the admission took upon admitting. I described in full detail. One good thing is she has admitted to not being very nice to the animals. I wonder what the outcome will be with this hospitalization. The Dr. said well she has zero tolerance for other people. I was thinking I had very little tolerance for her at almost the same moment. Uh-oh did she get it from me?????
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs sweetie. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I hope the doctor listens to what you are saying and that there is a good outcome of the hospitalization.