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What to do? What to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 650113" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Shan, I'm sorry you are going through this. Your therapist can only do so much, she can guide you and offer advice and give you tools, however, YOU will have to make the changes and you will have to assert yourself. When one person in an unhealthy family dynamic begins to change, the others, in this case, your husband, begin to up the ante. The change is scary to them, their world is shaking, it's easier and in fact, in many cases it's human nature, for him to get worse, to be more abusive, in order to keep the status quo. You are the one who wants change, he doesn't. It's your family business. You hold all the power. </p><p></p><p>Why don't you seek legal counsel to figure out what your legal and financial options are? It sounds as if you are not only in an abusive situation with a bully, but you are being held hostage by his control. Knowledge is power, figure out what all of your options are and begin to make small changes moving in the direction you want. Find out what you need to do to extricate yourself from this situation which it sounds to me like you want to leave but you've allowed yourself to be bullied for so long, you don't know which way to turn. Get legal help. Your therapist has given you tools and you are using them and you said they are working. They are not going to work on your husband, they are only going to work on you. The truth is that when we change, those around us usually begin acting a lot worse.......that is part of change. You will need to decide what it is you want to do, figure out a way to do it and then implement the changes you want. If you want to leave the marriage, then find out what your options are, get your ducks in order and leave. Non action is what makes us feel like a victim. Hiding out in your bedroom is not going to change the situation, taking action is.</p><p></p><p>Change is hard, but the only way this situation is going to get better is if you follow through with action. It sounds as if you are in an abusive and highly dysfunctional situation. Take whatever steps necessary to remove yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 650113, member: 13542"] Shan, I'm sorry you are going through this. Your therapist can only do so much, she can guide you and offer advice and give you tools, however, YOU will have to make the changes and you will have to assert yourself. When one person in an unhealthy family dynamic begins to change, the others, in this case, your husband, begin to up the ante. The change is scary to them, their world is shaking, it's easier and in fact, in many cases it's human nature, for him to get worse, to be more abusive, in order to keep the status quo. You are the one who wants change, he doesn't. It's your family business. You hold all the power. Why don't you seek legal counsel to figure out what your legal and financial options are? It sounds as if you are not only in an abusive situation with a bully, but you are being held hostage by his control. Knowledge is power, figure out what all of your options are and begin to make small changes moving in the direction you want. Find out what you need to do to extricate yourself from this situation which it sounds to me like you want to leave but you've allowed yourself to be bullied for so long, you don't know which way to turn. Get legal help. Your therapist has given you tools and you are using them and you said they are working. They are not going to work on your husband, they are only going to work on you. The truth is that when we change, those around us usually begin acting a lot worse.......that is part of change. You will need to decide what it is you want to do, figure out a way to do it and then implement the changes you want. If you want to leave the marriage, then find out what your options are, get your ducks in order and leave. Non action is what makes us feel like a victim. Hiding out in your bedroom is not going to change the situation, taking action is. Change is hard, but the only way this situation is going to get better is if you follow through with action. It sounds as if you are in an abusive and highly dysfunctional situation. Take whatever steps necessary to remove yourself. [/QUOTE]
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