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What to do when your adult children don't like you.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 643816" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thanks for the article MWM. </p><p></p><p>I'm experiencing a little "space" with my granddaughter whose been home from college for the holidays. It is apparent to me that she is asserting her new independence and at the same time trying to include us in her life in some fashion. It's new to all of us. It's clearly a time of transition. husband and I talked about it and decided to step back and give her the space to grow up, find her independent self so she can then reconnect in a different way. </p><p></p><p>It's funny sometimes because she jumps back from being an "adult" to being a "kid" and as the parent figure, sometimes I'm not exactly sure how to respond. So, I practice what I learned with her mother, I "refrain." That works really well for me. I used to jump in immediately with help, or whatever the immediate response would be........now I am quiet, I wait, and in the waiting, the truth of the situation reveals itself. I didn't know how to do that before. I think as mothers, for 18 years, we are the ones who come up with ideas, solutions, opportunities, loving responses to hurts, all of it..........and then it changes. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with her mother and enable her or presume she cannot do something...........she will make mistakes and I need to let her. That's how she'll learn. She has her own mind and is very strong, she wants to be independent and in many ways she is flourishing in her new life. In the spring she wants to get an apartment with a bunch of other girls, the next step in her independence. Each time she comes home, it's a little bit different........she grows up a little bit more..........it all seems to be going in the right direction. And sometimes, for me, it's a little weird. </p><p></p><p>She is dating a new boy and when husband and I were asking her questions about him, just normal stuff, she was bristling......OK, so we backed off. Then she sets it up for us to meet him when we're there, goes to some trouble to make that happen........sometimes we aren't sure just how to respond to her new independence, it's this dance of pulling back and moving forward........we're letting her lead............and we're slowly learning the steps. </p><p></p><p>Change. It just never stops. Letting go.......... just keeps on keeping on. Life.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 643816, member: 13542"] Thanks for the article MWM. I'm experiencing a little "space" with my granddaughter whose been home from college for the holidays. It is apparent to me that she is asserting her new independence and at the same time trying to include us in her life in some fashion. It's new to all of us. It's clearly a time of transition. husband and I talked about it and decided to step back and give her the space to grow up, find her independent self so she can then reconnect in a different way. It's funny sometimes because she jumps back from being an "adult" to being a "kid" and as the parent figure, sometimes I'm not exactly sure how to respond. So, I practice what I learned with her mother, I "refrain." That works really well for me. I used to jump in immediately with help, or whatever the immediate response would be........now I am quiet, I wait, and in the waiting, the truth of the situation reveals itself. I didn't know how to do that before. I think as mothers, for 18 years, we are the ones who come up with ideas, solutions, opportunities, loving responses to hurts, all of it..........and then it changes. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with her mother and enable her or presume she cannot do something...........she will make mistakes and I need to let her. That's how she'll learn. She has her own mind and is very strong, she wants to be independent and in many ways she is flourishing in her new life. In the spring she wants to get an apartment with a bunch of other girls, the next step in her independence. Each time she comes home, it's a little bit different........she grows up a little bit more..........it all seems to be going in the right direction. And sometimes, for me, it's a little weird. She is dating a new boy and when husband and I were asking her questions about him, just normal stuff, she was bristling......OK, so we backed off. Then she sets it up for us to meet him when we're there, goes to some trouble to make that happen........sometimes we aren't sure just how to respond to her new independence, it's this dance of pulling back and moving forward........we're letting her lead............and we're slowly learning the steps. Change. It just never stops. Letting go.......... just keeps on keeping on. Life..... [/QUOTE]
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