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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 705237" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>ThanksI I have been going to a great parents alanon group for the last 6 years. That is where I really learned to take care of myself and not focus on him so much. I actually had a brief conversation with him today about figuring out goals. It was in passing but it was positive. My son knows full well how we feel about his drug use and drinking. And I have no problem letting him know what i will and wont tolerate. The problem I have is making sure that any boundaries I set I can stick to and enforce. Telling him he cant drink will only make him hide it more from us....and will set up a dynamic of lying. He is 25 so it is legal fro him to drink and it is now legal from him to smoke pot.</p><p></p><p>I absolutely do now want to go back to the days where I am searching his room trying to figure out if he is breaking our rules. I just dont want to go there.</p><p></p><p>But I do think it is reasonable to ask him to spend some time with us out of his room, and to make and follow some goals and to show us he is looking for a job etc etc. To basically support him to do the things to make a better life for himself. I think he wants those things too but gets inertia.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 705237, member: 15801"] ThanksI I have been going to a great parents alanon group for the last 6 years. That is where I really learned to take care of myself and not focus on him so much. I actually had a brief conversation with him today about figuring out goals. It was in passing but it was positive. My son knows full well how we feel about his drug use and drinking. And I have no problem letting him know what i will and wont tolerate. The problem I have is making sure that any boundaries I set I can stick to and enforce. Telling him he cant drink will only make him hide it more from us....and will set up a dynamic of lying. He is 25 so it is legal fro him to drink and it is now legal from him to smoke pot. I absolutely do now want to go back to the days where I am searching his room trying to figure out if he is breaking our rules. I just dont want to go there. But I do think it is reasonable to ask him to spend some time with us out of his room, and to make and follow some goals and to show us he is looking for a job etc etc. To basically support him to do the things to make a better life for himself. I think he wants those things too but gets inertia. [/QUOTE]
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