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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 705304" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Thank you for the comments. It really helps me think things out. I agree giving him a safe place to drink does not feel good and certainly is a form of enabling. However I know from past experience that kicking him out wont make him stop drinking. It has in the past gotten him into rehab and so he has stopped for awhile it is true.... but going to rehab to get out of the cold has not really gotten him to stop using. I have come to firmly believe that in our case kicking him out because he is drinking wont get him or us anywhere. Having my kid on the streets (especially in winter) is worse for me than having him at home. I have done that before and it was awful. If I fear for our safety I would do it again though.</p><p></p><p>So this got me to thinking not only about his goals but my goals..... and I realize that I no longer have a goal of getting him sober. I used to have that goal..... but I have come to the point that I realize he is the only one that can want that goal... he has to want it or it is pointless. So although it would make me happy if he decided to become and work at staying sober I cant have it as a goal. </p><p></p><p>So my goal at this point is to support him in developing a productive life. So that means getting a job, maybe going to school and moving out and living on his own. I think in actuality these are goals he has too. Now reality says he might not be able to do any of that if he is drinking/drugging. Although some people do these things while still drinking and using drugs. But that is what he has to find out. Can he live a productive life and can he do it and still drink and smoke pot? I dont know. I highly doubt it but he has to figure that out. </p><p></p><p>Our stand with him has always been we will help him when he is helping himself. We let him come home because he took the big step to come back to the area and turn himself in and face his legal problems. That was a big step in doing the right thing and I am proud of him for that. So now we can continue with that stand of continuing to help him if he does the right thing like get a job and maybe go to school. If he continues to sit around doing nothing but drink then we may have to tell him we cant help him anymore .... I am hoping it doesn't come to that but it might.</p><p></p><p>So anyway that is where I am today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 705304, member: 15801"] Thank you for the comments. It really helps me think things out. I agree giving him a safe place to drink does not feel good and certainly is a form of enabling. However I know from past experience that kicking him out wont make him stop drinking. It has in the past gotten him into rehab and so he has stopped for awhile it is true.... but going to rehab to get out of the cold has not really gotten him to stop using. I have come to firmly believe that in our case kicking him out because he is drinking wont get him or us anywhere. Having my kid on the streets (especially in winter) is worse for me than having him at home. I have done that before and it was awful. If I fear for our safety I would do it again though. So this got me to thinking not only about his goals but my goals..... and I realize that I no longer have a goal of getting him sober. I used to have that goal..... but I have come to the point that I realize he is the only one that can want that goal... he has to want it or it is pointless. So although it would make me happy if he decided to become and work at staying sober I cant have it as a goal. So my goal at this point is to support him in developing a productive life. So that means getting a job, maybe going to school and moving out and living on his own. I think in actuality these are goals he has too. Now reality says he might not be able to do any of that if he is drinking/drugging. Although some people do these things while still drinking and using drugs. But that is what he has to find out. Can he live a productive life and can he do it and still drink and smoke pot? I dont know. I highly doubt it but he has to figure that out. Our stand with him has always been we will help him when he is helping himself. We let him come home because he took the big step to come back to the area and turn himself in and face his legal problems. That was a big step in doing the right thing and I am proud of him for that. So now we can continue with that stand of continuing to help him if he does the right thing like get a job and maybe go to school. If he continues to sit around doing nothing but drink then we may have to tell him we cant help him anymore .... I am hoping it doesn't come to that but it might. So anyway that is where I am today. [/QUOTE]
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