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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 706500" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think it's best to sit him down and tell him what you know rather than give him a platform to lie. Then be very confident of the consequences. You are not bargaining with him so what he thinks should happen (in his favor of course) is a waste of time and drags out the drama.</p><p></p><p>Having a heartfrlt.conversation with a drug addict is setting yourself up for.lying, false words that make you feel guilty, and, when all else fails, his false accusations about why this is your fault. Why go there?</p><p></p><p>He probably never stopped this behavior and less words, calmly spoken, has always worked best here. Talking it over is a recipe for lies and drama and fists through the wall. Even violence.</p><p></p><p>I would handle it this way with what I now know.</p><p></p><p>1.(words to son) This is what we know. (Ignore his anger and denials or blame. Don't address it. Then when he is crying for himself or rages out...)</p><p></p><p>2. Calmly, very calmly, your voice hardly above a whisper so that he has to be quiet to hear you, say only and with confidence, the consequences.</p><p> That's all you need to say. Drug addicts are defensive and dishonest. Your words are the only truth between you ywo. Get up and walk away after confidently spelling out your consequences.</p><p></p><p>He will rail against you, scream, abuse you. Irrelevant unless he starts to scare you. Then you calmly, always calmly, call the police.</p><p></p><p>Protect yourself.</p><p></p><p>Do not look at other addicts that quit, except to reassure yourself it's possible to do so. How did you cause this? Did you shoot needles into your arm in front of him? Hold him down and inject him? By 16 or 17 they do what they want and usually peers have way more influance than lame old mom. Or old fart dad.</p><p></p><p>If he quits it will be because he is tired of the life and wants to quit. That's it. PERIOD.</p><p></p><p>Short, sweet and without that timidity in your voice. And anger is useless too. We can tell them we are angry, but if we tell and scream too, we are no example...we are them. WE don't think WHILE YELLING and we'll probably sound as insane as they do. I know. I used to do that once. But I learned.</p><p></p><p>Therapy greatly helped me. I highly recommend it or Al Anon. Or both. You get empowerment with allies.</p><p></p><p>Please please do what needs to be done for you. Then try to have a good day in spite of your son's decisions. He is not you. You are not him. His deeds do not blight you. But you can't stop him either. You can only protect your home, your castle, your sanctuary...in a way that you see fit and are willing to enforce. Turn to loved ones and friends who can truly love you back.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 706500, member: 1550"] I think it's best to sit him down and tell him what you know rather than give him a platform to lie. Then be very confident of the consequences. You are not bargaining with him so what he thinks should happen (in his favor of course) is a waste of time and drags out the drama. Having a heartfrlt.conversation with a drug addict is setting yourself up for.lying, false words that make you feel guilty, and, when all else fails, his false accusations about why this is your fault. Why go there? He probably never stopped this behavior and less words, calmly spoken, has always worked best here. Talking it over is a recipe for lies and drama and fists through the wall. Even violence. I would handle it this way with what I now know. 1.(words to son) This is what we know. (Ignore his anger and denials or blame. Don't address it. Then when he is crying for himself or rages out...) 2. Calmly, very calmly, your voice hardly above a whisper so that he has to be quiet to hear you, say only and with confidence, the consequences. That's all you need to say. Drug addicts are defensive and dishonest. Your words are the only truth between you ywo. Get up and walk away after confidently spelling out your consequences. He will rail against you, scream, abuse you. Irrelevant unless he starts to scare you. Then you calmly, always calmly, call the police. Protect yourself. Do not look at other addicts that quit, except to reassure yourself it's possible to do so. How did you cause this? Did you shoot needles into your arm in front of him? Hold him down and inject him? By 16 or 17 they do what they want and usually peers have way more influance than lame old mom. Or old fart dad. If he quits it will be because he is tired of the life and wants to quit. That's it. PERIOD. Short, sweet and without that timidity in your voice. And anger is useless too. We can tell them we are angry, but if we tell and scream too, we are no example...we are them. WE don't think WHILE YELLING and we'll probably sound as insane as they do. I know. I used to do that once. But I learned. Therapy greatly helped me. I highly recommend it or Al Anon. Or both. You get empowerment with allies. Please please do what needs to be done for you. Then try to have a good day in spite of your son's decisions. He is not you. You are not him. His deeds do not blight you. But you can't stop him either. You can only protect your home, your castle, your sanctuary...in a way that you see fit and are willing to enforce. Turn to loved ones and friends who can truly love you back. Hugs and love. [/QUOTE]
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