What would happen

[flutterby]

if easy child's girlfriend moved out of her mom's home without permission? girlfriend is 17; she'll be 18 in September.

Tonight her mother called her a **** (a not nice name for someone who sleeps around - which girlfriend has never done) and a liar, told her that she's a horrible person and that she makes everyone miserable.

girlfriend's mom is very unstable. girlfriend does everything for everyone, including carting her 26 year old sister back and forth to work - and wherever she needs to go - after her sister lost her license (again) for driving drunk. Her sister doesn't even offer gas money. And the mom expects her to do it. She expects girlfriend to take care of her, too.

girlfriend has a GPA of 3.95 with honors classes, has been accepted to the college she plans to attend and knows what she wants to do with her life. She is an absolute sweetheart and beats herself up all the time because of how her mom and stepdad treat her. They treat her lower than dirt.

She was planning on moving in with us when she turns 18. What would happen or what would the repercussions be if she moved in now against her mother's permission? I've heard that a lot of times, authorities tend to not get as involved at that age, but I don't know if that's true. Is this something where she could get a lawyer to become emancipated?

 

[Hound dog]

Actually, she could be emancipated. But could she afford the lawyer?

How long until she turns 18?

I dunno........lots of times at 17 the powers that be turn the other cheek. But if your luck is anything like mine, and you let her move in......they won't.

I understand where you're coming from. And I know you care deeply about girlfriend. Shame her mother can't see what a decent wonderful child she has.

Personally, I'd have her look into emancipation before having her move in. Nichole had a girl who was 17 in her anatomy class last quarter.....she was going thru the emancipation process with cps's help. That may also be another thing to look into.

((hugs))

 

[flutterby]

Lisa, I was thinking maybe she could go through legal aid.

 

[witzend]

That's a big mess, if you ask me. I say this because I was a kid who lived with others, my kid lived with others, and we had others' kids live with us. That being said...

If this is something that you are considering at all, I would suggest that you work it out with her mom. I would also suggest that as it is May, that you wait until she graduates high school. I know that she is miserable, but it's too much turmoil to add to the mix at such an important time in her life.

I'm sure that things are awful at home for her. School should be out for her in about 3 weeks, I would think. You really don't want to put yourself in the middle of this girl and her mother and have the mother sick the school on you, which I would do in a heartbeat. In fact I did exactly that when M moved in with a friend's parent the May he was a senior, and the police weren't far behind. They didn't do anything to change anything, but I'm sure I made that woman's life pretty miserable. When summer break is here, this girl will be more free and clear to do as she pleases. The police won't interfere, CPS won't interfere, no one will get involved. But in your position I would do my best to have at least a cordial relationship with her mother. If something happens to her daughter while she is in your home, she can sue you.

Mind you, I'm not saying that you have to come to a place where mom is happy that she is moving in with you. It could be as simple as a discussion along the lines of "Your daughter is leaving your home and I hate to see her on the streets. We have offered her a bed so that she will be safe." Of course, you could only do that once the girl has made her move. But I can't reiterate enough that you should not do this while the girl is still in school.

 

[flutterby]

I am cordial with her mom. This is the woman who met me once and I became her new best friend. It didn't last long, though, because girlfriend spent a couple of afternoons with me and mom has been jealous ever since.

I talked to the mom 2 weeks ago and she wanted to know if we could have both kids' graduation parties combined at my house, and then she and I could hang out. I'm not looking forward to that part. She's a miserable person and miserable people tend to want to make other people miserable as well. But, I smiled and said that sounded great.

I'm trying to think of a way to broach the subject with her, but because she is so jealous and bitter, I don't think she would go for it willingly. She is unstable bipolar and I'm pretty sure she has a personality disorder, as well. On top of that she is disabled and takes a lot of pain medication. I know that some of us need pain medication, but she frequently runs out before she can refill. She takes a lot more than prescribed - to the point that I'm 99% sure she's abusing them. I don't say that lightly as one who needs pain medication. girlfriend talks about her mom sleeping and cannot be awakened..stuff like that. And her speech seems slurred most of the time.

Sigh. I need to try to figure out a way to get her to agree. I'll need to talk to girlfriend first, though. This happened at my house tonight while I was visiting a friend.

 

[susiestar]

With the pain medication abuse, CPS can step in and help the child be emancipated. I would first contact CPS ANONYMOUSLY and state this woman is abusing pain medications and her underage daughter is in danger. once that gets under way the woman may turn to you for help. At that point you can offer daughter a place to stay to get CPS off her back.

Just a thought as to how to go about it.

I do know that CPS has a very dim view of parents who abuse pain medications.

 

[flutterby]

girlfriend has a younger sister who is difficult child's age. The younger sister is not treated at all like girlfriend is, although she follows her mom's lead and goes on the attack toward girlfriend just like her mom. That's why I hesitate to call CPS. I have thought about it in the past and thought about it tonight. I really hate to go that route, though.

 

[DammitJanet]

Heather....from what I understand here...and it may not be the same everywhere...but here, if the person has graduated HS, they are free to leave home. The parent cant kick the kid out till they are 18 but the kid can leave legally. Lots of kids graduate before they are 18 because of birthdates and they move out of the home and go to work. Heck, Tony did and I think even EW's youngest dtr did.

 

[flutterby]

Her mom has agreed to let her move in after she graduates. Graduation is May 30.

 

[Shari]

That's great news. Fingers crossed its an easy 15 days.

 

[flutterby]

I hope it will be.

I was going to talk to her mom yesterday. I did call and leave a message and she called back. I was sleeping by then and was really out of it when she called. Then I ended sleeping for 24 hours straight.

girlfriend talked to her mom yesterday afternoon and her mom agreed to let her move out after graduation.

I then talked to her mom today and we talked about it some more. She's in a very bad place and as much as I hate how she's treating girlfriend, I have a lot of sympathy for her and her illness. I reassured her that girlfriend is not leaving her and will still be a part of her life. We talked for over an hour...about a lot of things.

So, it's settled. I think everyone is relieved.

 

[DammitJanet]

Boy this is gonna be interesting at your house now...lol. When are the lovebirds going for BC?

(get your hands off your ears and stop singing LALALALA)

Its inevitable now. How thick are your walls? They must be pretty thick if you can sleep through Guitar Hero...lol.

 

[flutterby]

Oh, it's a requirement that she be on BC before she moves in. That's already been discussed.

*sticks fingers back in ears*

 

[Star*]

I think you have enough on your plate without the fallout and turmoil this woman IS GOING TO BRING INTO YOUR LIFE -

You can't even say NO to a graduation pair party -

What's going to happen when she rings your phone off the hook demanding this and that?

I'm sure you can handle it - so don't misunderstand that point - but WHY would you ask for more carp when your health is so fragile?

Maybe easy child and girlfriend can move out somewhere?

Call me selfish - but I am NOT for the PAIR graduation party - should they not spend the rest of their lives together? Everytime he thinks back about his party there will be the reminder of her and vise versa. This is something that your son and YOU should be able to reap the entire benefits and accolades of with PARTY for 12 years plus hard work.

She can call legal aid and get emancipated in any state but must be able to PROVE that she can work, be self sufficient and have lodging and the basics on her OWN. Your home (i don't believe) counts. SHe has to be able to show she's working and providing for herself.

Couldn't hurt to call family court clerk and ask what the guidelines are in your county.

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL...all the photo's I have of Jamie at this time in his life....Graduation, Prom, 18th year...are with his girlfriend/fiance. Ummmmm....guess who he is not with...did not marry? Yeah...that girl! Bunch of useless pics. No one...least of all HIM...wants those pictures....lol. Im hoping that maybe by the time he is 50 he might want them. Maybe by then his wife wont be so jealous of his life before her.

 

[flutterby]

Star,

I didn't say no because I didn't WANT to say no. I have no trouble saying no. Do I want to spend the evening with L (girlfriend's mom)? Not particularly. But I don't mind doing it, knowing that it will make things easier for A (easy child's girlfriend).

Besides, there's a decent chance it will only be A's graduation party. easy child has 3 weeks to get his butt in gear to graduate. If he does graduate, it will be because A has spent as much time and energy as the rest of us getting him to graduate.

L is not going to bring turmoil into my life. I won't take it. That's just the way it is. But, she won't do it because she needs to be the one that looks good to everyone else. And I've been killing her with kindness.

 

[Star*]

Ohhhh she's one of "those" kinds.....UGH.

Well then, sounds like the kid needs a stable, positive home - with you and hey-------

Maybe tell your easy child that the ONLY way A can move in is if HE graduates? Now THAT's motivation.....lol

Just looking out for you dear, your heart is two sizes too big.

Hugs