What Would You Do? Cell Phone Dilemna

[LoneStar14]

Hey, I found the multi-quote option. This is so cool. You know, I'm a big proponent of getting help from the church and have great faith in God. People are multi-faceted. I'm not going to be able to help my difficult child unless we work his issues on all sides.

However, I also know that unless you have a difficult child, you really can't understand how what works for PCs doesn't work for difficult children. I know!!! What works for my easy child doesn't work for my difficult child and they live under the same house and have the same parents. That's why I'm so thankful for you guys. It helps me so much every day.

So here I go...

LS,

If I understand you correctly, it's not a matter of using up minutes but rather using the phone late at night? Seems like a pretty easy solution to me. Take the phone at night.

I would have him earn it back and then set a time when the phone must be placed in a common area of the house or in your hands. I don't think it's unreasonable that Sun through Thur he has a time limit. I allowed easy child to keep her phone and laptop on Fri and Sat nights.

You set the house rules and he has to follow them. Let him know that here are the rules. You either follow them or the cell phone is gone until you are mature enough to get a job and pay for it yourself. Stick to principles.

Sharon

Yes, that's the issue. We also had him put the phone in my room so we wouldn't be tempted to use it after hours. Then we found out he would use one of the other phones in the house. We ended up unplugging all the phones in the house except for one. He couldn't hide anywhere to use it.

Kids abuse cell phones. It's the nature of the beast. ... However, time rules would still apply and if used when not allowed, it would be confiscated no matter who paid for it.

Nature of the beast...the phones or the kids?

My point exactly! If you can circumvent one house rule, pretty soon, all the rules can be circumvented.

I am not in agreement with a pay as you go...it would open a whole can of worms. Entitlement..my phone i can use it whenever, however. Personally not a battle I want to fight. If you can enforce your rules without the battle then that could be a good solution.
I just think we as parents are damned no matter what we do. But you know your difficult child best. out of your suggestions what would instill the responsibility of handling the consequenses best. He did take the phone when it was off limits (even if he was checking on his friend). Trust is a big issue in our home. Lots of setbacks. But I think it is more than just a phone issue. it is directly disobeying. He had lost the phone for misusing it to begin with.
but I thing that is a big difficult child issue anyhow. Why should I be punished I dont think I did anything wrong. None of that applies to them. So they do what they feel like because?????
Man, am I a ray of sunshine. Sorry for the rambling. These pesky battles just drive me crazy. Hopefully you can find a solution that works for you. We keep trying.

Do we have the same difficult child? Once I caught him using the house phone after midnight, he said it was a dumb rule and he wasn't going to follow it until we changed it. Besides, his friend didn't have a curfew, why should he? Okay, that didn't make any sense and his behavior was totally different than it was a year ago. Something else is going on. We talked with friend's parents. Ends up, they have the same curfew and didn't know friend was on phone that late. That meeting opened everyone's eyes to other issues going on.

Thanks everyone!! I've read and appreciated every post!!!

 

[meowbunny]

Nature of the beast...the phones or the kids?

My point exactly! If you can circumvent one house rule, pretty soon, all the rules can be circumvented.

Both! I think phones have abused by teens since Bell invented them. My brother was in the party line generation. I can remember him constantly grousing that he had to get off the phone cause the old biddies were all yelling and he couldn't even hear his girl friend.

I had the pink (yuck) princess phone in my room until Dad got fed up and literally yanked it out of the wall cause it would ring after 9:00 pm (my cut off time for the phone). Our kids -- typical teens and problem children -- abuse cell phones. I truly believe that there isn't a parent of a teen with a cell phone who hasn't abused the phone at least once. The difference is that a typical teen gets the message after losing the phone for a week or two and is more careful so as not to lose it again. Our kids just rail that the rules aren't fair and do their best to break them.

And didn't you know that no other kid ever has a curfew, phone rules, dress code, chores besides yours? Just ask them. Of course, if you get a chance (like you did), ask the other set of parents.

Some things really do fall into the typical teen category but carried to the absolute extremes by our little darlings.

 

[witzend]

He knows I do this also. Whenever he gets caught with things like this he says he knows he's going to get caught but he does it anyway. He knows he shouldn't but doesn't know why he does it. One of the things we're going to work with the docs once we get to see one.

This is troubling behavior that indicates errant thought processes. Can you please tell us more about your child, his diagnosis's if any, treatments, medications, what type of doctor/therapist he is seeing, and give us some more information as to what qualifications your "spiritual advisor" has and the working relationship between your "spiritual advisor" and any doctors/therapists you are working with?

 

[LoneStar14]

This is troubling behavior that indicates errant thought processes. Can you please tell us more about your child, his diagnosis's if any, treatments, medications, what type of doctor/therapist he is seeing, and give us some more information as to what qualifications your "spiritual advisor" has and the working relationship between your "spiritual advisor" and any doctors/therapists you are working with?

We definitely believe his thought process is skewed. His perception of reality versus the real reality does not mesh. diagnosis is just ADHD. He's starting outpatient therapy at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It doesn't look like we're going to continue with the spiritual advisor. Not soley for this reason, he's great at what he does but lacks the qualifiications in dealing with difficult children. They're not the typical teens with typical teen issues. The therapist at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is also a chrisitian and be able to address that facet of his person. He really wants to do good and his christianity is important to him.

 

[LoneStar14]

The difference is that a typical teen gets the message after losing the phone for a week or two and is more careful so as not to lose it again. Our kids just rail that the rules aren't fair and do their best to break them.

And didn't you know that no other kid ever has a curfew, phone rules, dress code, chores besides yours? Just ask them. Of course, if you get a chance (like you did), ask the other set of parents.

Some things really do fall into the typical teen category but carried to the absolute extremes by our little darlings.

That's so right! My easy child is very careful not to lose it. What's most difficult to me, is that I rarely did anything I wasn't suppose to do. You can even ask my parents. Its hard for me to see why you would disobey. Push the envelope, yes, totally disobedience, no.