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What would you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 725850" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I don't think there is one person on this planet that doesn't have some type of issue to deal with. Acknowledging that we have issues is a HUGE step so bravo to you for recognizing that you need to do some self work.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, maybe not - regardless, we each have to own our issues - whether parent or child.</p><p>My bio-father molested not only me and my sisters but other girls too. He was also an alcoholic. Did this create issues for me, absolutely! Am I defined by that, no!</p><p>At some point we each have to take ownership of our lives, all the good and all the bad. It's no different for our kids.</p><p>You are on the right path and I'm glad you will be attending Al-Anon.</p><p></p><p>As for your son and whether you should give him a time limit of how long he can live in your home, well there is no easy answer.</p><p>For me, when having someone in your home makes life completely unbearable, well then I think that would be the time for them to leave.</p><p>Only you know how much you can put up with.</p><p>That being said, there is nothing wrong with starting to plant some seeds in your son's mind. You could start by asking him the question; "So, when do you plan on moving out and getting your own place?" If he gives an answer of "I don't know" you can respond with, "Well, you need to know because you are not going to live here forever". You can follow up with, "I'm not saying you have to move out tomorrow but you need to have a plan in place and if you can't come up with one you will leave me no choice but to set a date for you".</p><p></p><p>You are doing great, stay steady the course you are on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 725850, member: 18516"] I don't think there is one person on this planet that doesn't have some type of issue to deal with. Acknowledging that we have issues is a HUGE step so bravo to you for recognizing that you need to do some self work. Maybe, maybe not - regardless, we each have to own our issues - whether parent or child. My bio-father molested not only me and my sisters but other girls too. He was also an alcoholic. Did this create issues for me, absolutely! Am I defined by that, no! At some point we each have to take ownership of our lives, all the good and all the bad. It's no different for our kids. You are on the right path and I'm glad you will be attending Al-Anon. As for your son and whether you should give him a time limit of how long he can live in your home, well there is no easy answer. For me, when having someone in your home makes life completely unbearable, well then I think that would be the time for them to leave. Only you know how much you can put up with. That being said, there is nothing wrong with starting to plant some seeds in your son's mind. You could start by asking him the question; "So, when do you plan on moving out and getting your own place?" If he gives an answer of "I don't know" you can respond with, "Well, you need to know because you are not going to live here forever". You can follow up with, "I'm not saying you have to move out tomorrow but you need to have a plan in place and if you can't come up with one you will leave me no choice but to set a date for you". You are doing great, stay steady the course you are on. [/QUOTE]
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