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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 725864" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>EM take time to evaluate and ensure you are making a decision you can be firm with. </p><p></p><p>I put together a list of what we expect and what boundaries we will have in place for our son when he is in rehab and when he comes out of rehab. I had to think long and hard about what I want and what I expect. </p><p></p><p>A big part of me kept saying that son is not ready to be on his own. He has not completed high school and doesn’t have a job. FOG and Enabling. Not going to do it. </p><p></p><p>I have put in place the following.</p><p> </p><p>If he leaves they are to notify us and then call the police as we will not let him return home, we will rescind his bail and he will be sentenced and face jail time. </p><p></p><p>If he completes rehab and has not been able to complete high school (he can attend classes. While he is there), we will not support another attempt at obtaining high school. He will need to get a job and attend GED classes on line. </p><p></p><p>IF he completes rehab he can come home and will have 90 days to get a job. He will have to pay room and board and contribute positively to the household chores. </p><p></p><p>He will have to follow same house rules and there will be zero tolerance for drugs. </p><p></p><p>If he completes rehab and high school, and would like to attend College we will support him with tuition, supplies and housing. As long as he is obtaining passing grades. </p><p></p><p>These terms will be read to him upon intake and will also be shared with his lawyer. </p><p></p><p>I review this daily as I need to have the strength to follow through on the plan. </p><p></p><p>I was not the perfect parent nor so I believe there is such a thing. </p><p></p><p>I suffered abuse at the hands of a sibling and my mother was too weak to address it properly. It took me a great deal of therapy to overcome this harahip. I did it though. </p><p></p><p>My therapist once said to me parents have very little influence over how their children turn out. We delude ourselves that we do. We take pride when things go well and take blame when things go bad. Neither the pride or the blame belong to us. She then assigned us the homework of going to see The Glass Castle for homework. I had read the book my husband had not. It brought her message home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 725864, member: 21895"] EM take time to evaluate and ensure you are making a decision you can be firm with. I put together a list of what we expect and what boundaries we will have in place for our son when he is in rehab and when he comes out of rehab. I had to think long and hard about what I want and what I expect. A big part of me kept saying that son is not ready to be on his own. He has not completed high school and doesn’t have a job. FOG and Enabling. Not going to do it. I have put in place the following. If he leaves they are to notify us and then call the police as we will not let him return home, we will rescind his bail and he will be sentenced and face jail time. If he completes rehab and has not been able to complete high school (he can attend classes. While he is there), we will not support another attempt at obtaining high school. He will need to get a job and attend GED classes on line. IF he completes rehab he can come home and will have 90 days to get a job. He will have to pay room and board and contribute positively to the household chores. He will have to follow same house rules and there will be zero tolerance for drugs. If he completes rehab and high school, and would like to attend College we will support him with tuition, supplies and housing. As long as he is obtaining passing grades. These terms will be read to him upon intake and will also be shared with his lawyer. I review this daily as I need to have the strength to follow through on the plan. I was not the perfect parent nor so I believe there is such a thing. I suffered abuse at the hands of a sibling and my mother was too weak to address it properly. It took me a great deal of therapy to overcome this harahip. I did it though. My therapist once said to me parents have very little influence over how their children turn out. We delude ourselves that we do. We take pride when things go well and take blame when things go bad. Neither the pride or the blame belong to us. She then assigned us the homework of going to see The Glass Castle for homework. I had read the book my husband had not. It brought her message home. [/QUOTE]
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