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What would you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758270" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Good morning trying. Consistently, I have marveled at your son's talents and strengths. He has a great job and it seems he's valued by his employers and co-workers. He seems to always land on his feet. In the time you've been here, there have been so many falls, and so many resurrections. He is an able communicator. He always seems to find new girlfriends. He is well-schooled in resources. He is able to rally family to his side.</p><p></p><p>This is an able man. Who is an addict. Let him handle his own life. If he doesn't like where he lives, let him move. He has the resources. He chose to be far from family, and for so much of the time you've been on this forum he has been rejecting of both you and his father. He didn't want to even speak on the phone, unless he wanted something from you.</p><p></p><p>I am sure he loves you, but how is it different now? He's juggling balls in the air, and you are the balls.</p><p></p><p>He needs to handle his own life. If he wants to move closer, he can do so, but let him fund it. I continue to believe that you are too involved in his moment to moment, blow by blow life.</p><p></p><p>Of course all there is in his life is alcohol. That's because he has not stayed in treatment. People who stay in treatment, in sober living, are more likely to remain sober. Repeatedly he has chosen to leave treatment and to be indifferent to what will help him. The answer to your question is, yes there are some people who stay in sober living a long time. And they change their lives. They only do so when they decide. Not their parents, nor their counselors or anybody else, can influence them if they choose to leave. You have no control here. None.</p><p></p><p>All of your hand-wringing has no effect. Nor does mine. Our sons will do what they do.</p><p></p><p>Conversely, there is nothing that anybody here can say to you, that you would choose to STOP agonizing about the choices of a grown man. Only YOU can choose to back out of this.</p><p></p><p>As long as your son can continue to act to make you suffer, and you do it on cue, this dance will continue. I fear you may be helping him stay the same, by choosing to participate in all of this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758270, member: 18958"] Good morning trying. Consistently, I have marveled at your son's talents and strengths. He has a great job and it seems he's valued by his employers and co-workers. He seems to always land on his feet. In the time you've been here, there have been so many falls, and so many resurrections. He is an able communicator. He always seems to find new girlfriends. He is well-schooled in resources. He is able to rally family to his side. This is an able man. Who is an addict. Let him handle his own life. If he doesn't like where he lives, let him move. He has the resources. He chose to be far from family, and for so much of the time you've been on this forum he has been rejecting of both you and his father. He didn't want to even speak on the phone, unless he wanted something from you. I am sure he loves you, but how is it different now? He's juggling balls in the air, and you are the balls. He needs to handle his own life. If he wants to move closer, he can do so, but let him fund it. I continue to believe that you are too involved in his moment to moment, blow by blow life. Of course all there is in his life is alcohol. That's because he has not stayed in treatment. People who stay in treatment, in sober living, are more likely to remain sober. Repeatedly he has chosen to leave treatment and to be indifferent to what will help him. The answer to your question is, yes there are some people who stay in sober living a long time. And they change their lives. They only do so when they decide. Not their parents, nor their counselors or anybody else, can influence them if they choose to leave. You have no control here. None. All of your hand-wringing has no effect. Nor does mine. Our sons will do what they do. Conversely, there is nothing that anybody here can say to you, that you would choose to STOP agonizing about the choices of a grown man. Only YOU can choose to back out of this. As long as your son can continue to act to make you suffer, and you do it on cue, this dance will continue. I fear you may be helping him stay the same, by choosing to participate in all of this. [/QUOTE]
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