What would you have done? Emails from school about Q's week.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I got this email in response to asking how the week was going because I was so proud of him for not having to have me be called and to go home. I asked if things were continuing to improve.... I still dont know if there are any good times from this because sounds like one period per day is not good and at least on one day another hour but there are six hours so what is happening all the rest of the time? I wrote another email asking.... I will tell you after this what I also asked and you guys will tell me I was too soft, but I need that so go ahead and let me have it.....

    Here is my response:

    I know it is not fair to ask to remove the swing from the class but they have a sensory room that it could be moved to and this is right in the class room.... and it was put there for him mostly anyway. This happens a lot with Q... he had a day when someone wanted him out of the swing and he didn't want to go so it became a power struggle and now what happened at that time is happening over and over... it is totally paired/stuck as a pattern.

    It makes me a little crazy that 1. power struggles over these thigns become more important than focusing on the future, and academics....
    2. that when a behavior is as predictable as this has been for a couple of weeks now...no one can see an obvious solution and instead it is allowed to become a more entrenched behavior because it is "practiced" every single day. And if you dont think he is not already thinking about it the second he is transitioning to that setting??? it is happening every day at the same time! LOL really? I think a fifth grader could figure this one out.

    The biggest issue of course is that I already told the teacher I was not comfortable with psychologist being with Q. I am hedging on how to pursue this because I dont want them to further take things out on Q like they already do. I have no idea how this guy talks to Q but I suspect that there are ok moments and times that really cross the line. Lots of lectures and making him feel badly about himself and the grabbing, etc...totally not ok. Why the helll does he have to go to his office? Why not go to the private room they use for Q...that is suspicious if you ask me. I sent the emails to our home psychiatric and to the mn disability law person to help me get up the guts to do what I think I need to do. What would you guys do? Am I over reacting, under reacting, going at an ok cautious but aware speed????

    I am bummed I even asked because I was in a fantasy hoping things were a little better, and maybe they are...but she didn't say anything about anything good.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2012
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    And on another email thread I had asked about the not being included on the decison to have him NOT go to see the high school and swimming...

    The response I got from sp ed teacher was that when we met with the independent fba person --(this last tuesday which was already the day they were going on the field trip so the train had left the station so to speak, and I had already been told about the swimming decision from admin the week before.... WTH...) we tried to schedule a sooner IEP meeting to discuss...and so it will be on the agenda for next time.... OMG if I hear that I have to wait for a monthly IEP meeting to talk about ANYTHING with my son again I will FLIP OUT....these are notIEP decisions, these are schedule decisions, these are field trips, these do not need fifteen people's input.

    Here is my response:

    Last edited: Jan 13, 2012
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    LOL, I teased Malika for posting to herself... but now I am doing it twice... oh no biggie, it makes me feel better.

    So, our home psychiatric just called and he said that
    1. we need the procedures for restraint, to have them clear about why I was never told of a restraint last year and if the grabbing/shoving any touch should be documented and if it is not policy then we need to make it policy for Q because it is so vital to all of his programming including medications, home etc.

    2. We need to have it in the plan how the swing is being used, then we can assess if it is a distraction or effective tool. If it happens other kids use it that is fine, but just like any equipment in a room it has to be analyzed for all kids and if it distracts them (even if Q using it is a distraction for them) then it probably should not be in the room.

    3. Conversations about class room issues like how to do things, what hte schedule is, field trips, need to happen frequently and he suspects they are doing cya (well duh) and he would never put it that way, but saying that they are making sure that everything is documented with witnesses because I have an attorney so my communication is being cut. That just stinks because they always have said I am such a good advocate and good mom and no matter, even if I am questioning something they will always talk about it, etc. Since ALL of them have limited their communication to simple sentences and only if I demand answers, I suspect the principal has ordered them not to discuss anything with me. That is my guess, but he thinks that is what is going on and he is going to say at the meeting that this is not the kind of discussion we should be having right now becasue this is an IEP meeting and we are here to make IEP decisions, I am being paid to come here to work on revisingthe pbip and that is why we called these meetings.

    He rocks.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. You said things so much more "nice" than I would have. After all they've put you through, I'd have let them have it. Good for you for showing restraint but it WILL be interesting to hear their responses, especially about the communication piece.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    you never fail to amaze me. I was doing all this back in the dark ages before I had the help of this board to know about IEP's ...well until Cory was almost 13 and then it was pretty much too late for him in the school system. I knew it should be easier and I knew they had IEP's for learning disabled kids and felt they should have something like that for kids like Cory but I just kept parking my butt in the waiting room of the Exceptional Children's dept of our school districts offices. I just argued with them trying to get help. It didnt work well until he came back from a stay in a wilderness camp. Thats when they finally put him in a special class but we only had BED classes and they were pitiful. Basically holding rooms for juvenile delinquents. He learned much worse behaviors there. We simply didnt and probably still dont have the classes for mentally ill kids. I begged them to help me find a place from the time he was little.
  6. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Your son and mine sound similar in many ways. I'm just going to say what I think needs to be focused on re: the swing. He swears after getting off the swing-the swing is not the trigger-the getting off is the trigger and now we need to find out: WHY he needs to get off?, HOW they asking him to get off the swing?, WHAT activity comes right after the swing? For my son, he needs the calming effect of the swing- if he were on and had to get off for someone else=problem, if someone else were on it and he needed it= problem. I would not suggest removing the swing, as it is probably calming, but like you mentioned earlier; set boundaries for him and more importantly find a way to pair getting off the swing with a desired transitional activity.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I agree the getting off started being the problem....now they are saying he is anticipating that and running into the swing and immediately swearing...I think the anxiety of the thought of getting off has hit him before he even got there... so knowing Q we have to break up the pattern. But not forever....since he does well with it, yes I agree...does he really have to get off to eat his snack? it is wipe off friendly! Does he need a visual timer so he can know when he can be in and when he can be off....that has worked well in the past...but what screws it up is when out of being nice some day they give him extra time and for him .... that then is the new rule. Now he always wants extra time. So, yes, the whole thing needs to be analyzed and sorted out. Hopefully that is what this independent FBA person will do and I have put your thoughts on my list for sure! Thanks
  8. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Buddy, Here is an awesome tool for our kiddos- the "Time Timer". Kids can see how much time they have for an activity and they can see the red disappear as the time gets closer to ending.
    Time Timer | Make Every Moment Count
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks, we have two of them... a big one and the little portable one. He does well with them. That is what I suggested too.
  10. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    No more suggestions- get it in writing in the IEP!
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ok I wlll do that, they actually have been good about those kinds of things so I will do that.