Whatever happened to my baby?

[mamargentina]

I'm M, my son L. is 4 and a half years old. We live in Argentina. About a year ago we were suggested by a relative - doctor-that there was sth wrong with my son. the pediatrician suggested we should wait until he started school. We have an appointment with a neurologist next month, but now both the school teacher and the pediatrician seem to agree that my son suffers from Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified, high functioning. I can't believe how much I have been overlooking in my son, how much I have lied to myself, and how much I have waited to start with diagnosis and interventions. I watched a video of us when he was almost 2 and he looked at me in the eye much more than now, and needed less promtping for speaking. My husband is in denial - although he denies that too. I feel terribly alone and I'm scared of how much he will - or won't-help me when we get indications on how to raise him- my husband doesn't believe in rules, limits, etc that are too fixed. Also, when I think about my son's future - school, friends. romantic life. work, etc, I feel terrified. Will I ever overcome these feelings and be able to enjoy being my son's mother again? He's such a loving kid...

 

[Malika]

Hello and I'm sorry for your pain and shock - everything seems very daunting and frightening at first, before you have had time to come to terms with it.
Please don't feel bad about having left it so "late" - four and a half is very early to be intervening, I feel. And quite possibly nothing could have been done or diagnosed before. My son was first referred to a psychologist at the age of about 18 months because of his physical hyperactivity and since then I have just been consistently told that it is too early to diagnose what the hyperactivity suggests (ADHD)! And, without dismissing the input of the specialists, if I think about it, the most helpful thing I have done is to read and gather knowledge myself... I do not know specifically what Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) entails - I know someone here posted a link that was an online test consisting of many questions for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD).
All your fears for the future are very natural and understandable. Having a "different" child involves a kind of grieving, of course - for the child one imagined and "wanted". I also understand about being in denial... I am sure that that is also par for the course! I do hope you get the help and evaluations you need.

 

[BusynMember]

Do they have parent groups for people who have children on the autism spectrum? That support REALLY helped me throughout the years. That may not only help you, but also could help your husband come to grips.

Unfortunately, in some forms of autism, the child is born entirely normal then he regresses at around 18 months-2 years. Nobody knows what causes it, but I've heard from parents who have seen it and find it devestating. My son always had symptoms so it was not a surprise for us.

Early intervention is the key to the best prognosis.

 

[nvts]

Hi Mamaargentina! Welcome to the group...there's a vast amount of experience and strong shoulders to cry on here - take advantage of all of them.

First things first: he's still a great kid, no matter what diagnosis comes your way. Just because he gets a diagnosis, doesn't mean that you've failed him - he's just got some roadblocks that you didn't foresee. It happens. Keep in mind that you would stand firmly by his side if he was in a wheelchair or had some type of illness. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified high functioning is definately workable. My difficult child 2 has it...honestly, he's the easiest of my kids!

Don't beat yourself up on being in denial. A lot of professionals turn around and say "oh, he's just a boy, he'll grow out of it!" - so as a regular, plain old mom, how are you supposed to know? The fact is, you're looking into it now, so that's your starting point. So relax - you're doing a great job - that's what matters.

I would suggest that you get info. for your husband that isn't huge books, articles, etc. It seems to be a common theme with them that they deny the issue and the correct parenting. Mine hid in our room for about 8 years! Keep things short because they have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to these things (lol!) and repeat and repeat and repeat!

Again, welcome to the group, ask a lot of questions and make sure that you treat yourself well...we're all here for each other!

Beth