What's with the Guilt????

[Momslittleangels]

So ...... husband and I have spent the past 23 years raising our kids. difficult child has lived on her own for a few years and easy child is still at home, about to graduate from Nursing school. We are "empty-nesters" about 50% of the time, so we have started branching out a bit and taking time for ourselves. The rest of the time, we are home and watch our granddaughter while easy child is in school.

So why is it ... when "we", husband and I, decide to start taking time for ourselves, we get the guilts from difficult child? For example, we went on an impromptu trip out of the area for a couple of days and we get the third degree. "Didn't you guys just go out of town awhile back"? "Aren't you wasting gas by driving - - you always tell me to watch my gas usage". Well difficult child, that is because YOU always ask me for gas money, so don't waste it. We don't ask YOU for gas money, so the fact that we are driving is NOT your issue.

Then . . . . I ended up fixing the only tattoo that I have (on my shoulder), because it wasn't done very well the first time. When difficult child found out, she starts in with how unfair it was that I got it done, when SHE wanted to get one too (the one she wants will cost $500). "Well difficult child, if you want a tattoo, then save your money and get one" ...........But in her mind, "I" spent money on myself and not her and "that isn't fair". Ummm....you are 23, married and have two children. Your Mommy and Daddy don't have to spend their money on you, if they don't want to........

Just wondered if any of your adult kids pull the same guilt trip on you, whether they are a easy child or difficult child.

 

[GoingNorth]

I've got the opposite problem. My mother has a fit if I spend money on her! She lives on a fixed income, as do I, but I have more expendable income than she does.

She's always sent Chanuka and birthday gifts, usually a hundred dollars. When I told her a card would be fine without money or a gift card in it; she basically told me to 'shut up and say thank you'!

So...once my SSDI came in and I could afford it, I started sending her giftcards for department stores and the like. She had a FIT..."you shouldn't spend your money on me!"

 

[Hound dog]

Mine do, but usually it's teasing. And I shoot back with the same answers you do. lol Then I tell them one day when their kids are grown they'll get to enjoy stuff too once in a while.

But heck easy child eats out and goes to movies and such with her husband all the time......usually I watch the boys. Told her one time that I never ever got to do stuff like that until my kids were teens so stop complaining. lol

 

[Momslittleangels]

Isn't THAT the truth Hound Dog, LOL. I did not have the luxury of having babysitters available when my kids were growing up, so we never did anything. Maybe once per year we would get away for a weekend.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Oh boy do I get THIS one. Youngest tries to lay guilt trips on me all the time. She's very jealous of my active social life. If she calls and I'm out doing something, it's "oh, I should have KNOWN you'd be out. That figures." She thinks I don't pay enough attention to my grandson, since I don't babysit him every weekend. I tried to explain to her that when her dad and I were married, we rarely went out ... such is life when you have young children.

 

[DammitJanet]

Thats the one thing I keep telling my kids. They have no idea how good they have it compared to how their dad and I had it when we were raising them. They have very involved grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends to spend with their kids. We didnt. No one would keep our kids for even a night. Heck, even a movie date.

 

[witzend]

Oh, please! She wants to get a tattoo so you shouldn't fix yours? That has to be the selfish GFGdom of the week!

 

[AnnieO]

Last Friday the cop asked if Onyxx had anywhere to spend the night.

BM - not an option.
BM's mother - Onyxx won't. Too religious.
father in law or mother in law - nope. Onyxx won't. Too much oil and water.
MY parents - Errrrrrr nope. Will NOT send her to them in that kind of mood. I'll go instead.
BFF's E & H - they've offered, I won't do that to them either.
Her friends - part of the problem, not the solution. Nope.

So gee, it's home. WE can't go out either, because we cannot trust her alone. So... Yeah, she's not yet an adult... But... "I don't get out very often..." is the whine we hear. My usual reply is a LOUD laugh and, "welcome to my world."

I also pointed out - when she is grounded - so am I. Or husband. WE cannot do anything because SHE cannot. So do we LIKE to ground her? NO.

Do what you want for yourself. You have earned it!!!

 

[Momslittleangels]

I guess I am not alone here, LOL. These kids - I swear. The entitlement of this generation is amazing. difficult child wants to go to Disneyland and had asked me to watch her kids. Grandson is 16 months and a handful and she has a 3 week old daughter. Plus I have my 23 month old granddaughter who lives with us. I told her it was too much, but that I would watch the baby, because she just eats and sleeps - - not as much running around as I would with the older one. She made plans for someone else to watch her son, but of course, that fell through today (big surprise). So she was trying so hard to guilt me into watching both of them. I told her I couldn't handle all three for 12-15 hours - - it's just too much for me right now. If it was for a 3 hour movie that's one thing. She finally decided to take her son with them, so I will only have the baby. I never even considered leaving the house for that long when my kids were 3 weeks old. Oh well, a different time, different generation I guess.

 

[AnnieO]

WOW - she gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and has the energy for DISNEYLAND?????

WOW. OH wow. Oh MY wow.

I wanna go to DisneyLand!!! Someone take me!!!

 

[DammitJanet]

Step...I was thinking that same thing...lol. How on earth can you have the energy or ability to go to Disney just 3 weeks after giving birth? WOW.

Is she also one of those moms who fit back into her pre-pregnancy jeans a week after giving birth? If so, I hate her!!! LOL. (jk)

 

[Momslittleangels]

She tends to lose the weight fast, but she is already overweight, so you wouldn't know the difference (I know that sounds mean). Now my easy child, she was back to 110 pounds within about 3 weeks - - argh...LOL.

Yeah, so difficult child was already taking the baby all over the place the first week. She had an easy delivery with no cuts, tears or stitches, but even so, I don't think "I" had that kinds of energy after having kids. She has always been a lousy sleeper, so if she gets a couple hours at a time, it doesn't seem to phase her.