What's wrong with your child becoming a Sociopath?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DS3, Mar 23, 2012.

  1. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    Me and my husband attended a parent-teacher conference yesterday, and my husband's response late in the day to me was... What's wrong with difficult child becoming a Sociopath? :faint:

    I found this website on the profile of a sociopath... http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

    And OMG. Really? husband? Do you not understand how BAD this can be?!?!

    ~having a really rough day today. This didn't help.~

    Someone please tell me that husband is wrong in this type of thinking....:panicsmiley:
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    LOL! Well, there is ONE father who is not going to be "mourning" the child he could have had!
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Was he trying to be funny? Your kiddo is 4right? I would put money on it being neurological / developmental from so much of what you have said. Heck typical kids that age are all about themselves .... add to that wiring that is messed up???? Keep the focus off those labels for now .....not at all helpful. No matter what you are going to spend your time sorting through issues and getting therapies and support .....in my humble opinion husband should never say that out loud because it could bias people in his life ....kids live up to their labels. Sorry you are having a hard time right now. What did the teacher say?
  4. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    It was said while the kiddos weren't around. No worries there. Check the School Forum for what the teacher said. I'm just ****** off at the world (and mainly my husband) right now.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Katie and M are sociopaths. Trust me, he doesn't want one.

    Maybe he's just not grasping the implications of the diagnosis?

  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I figured the kids weren't around, I didn't know if he said it while still with the teachers...now I understand.... I wasn't putting the school thread together with this one, sorry.

    I can't even imagine the frustration of his not being supportive in this. I think kids who can do things but it is really hard for them, suffer more than kids who can't do it at all. They get discouraged and worn out and give up. I wonder if that is happening for your difficult child? I hope they can do more of the large muscle, developmental precursors for him.

    Sorry you are so bugged, days like that really stink.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I blinked a few times when I read this.

    Having gotten over the shock :), I will tell you the three telltale signs of a budding child psychopath. I know this because we adopted one and it was a nightmare and a half. He is gone now for the sake of the lives of our pets and the mental health of my other two kids, whom he sexually abused terribly...no, your hub would not want a psychopath. Here are the three red flags: 1/peeing and pooping inappropriately (our kid used to urinate everywhere and poop too! We thought it was a new dog we had adopted). 2/fascination with fire (our kid used to start little fires in his room and show my other k ids so that they would believe him when he said "If you tell anybody, I'll burn the house down with all of us in it!" 3/cruelty to animnals (most serial killers have done this. Our kid killed two of our dogs. The first one we did not b elieve was him. The second one...we knew).

    I suggest your hub read a book on antisocial personaliy disorder by Robert Hare. Jeez!!!!
  8. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    Ok, well you made me feel better after reading your post... my child is not a psychopath. That I knew. It's the sociopath that I am worried about. After doing some much needed research, they can (psychopath and sociopath) run together, but normally different areas of the brain are involved for each one.

    My husbands response to the link I sent him was 'You're worrying too much. It's like saying he's going to be a doctor and running out and getting all of the supplies now, when in reality he may choose something totally different in life as a career.'

    Which he maybe right. He is ONLY 4 (5 next month). But my big thing is, why are the therapists telling me this? Are they trying to scare me into doing more? I don't know what else I can do. He sees a psychiatric, a neuro-psychiatric (annually), a play therapist, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist (neuro-bio feedback), an aba therapist, and he's involved in pro-socialization sports (soccer), and he goes to the park weekly, he goes to daycare almost weekly, and I just don't know what else I can be doing. ~sigh~

    Yep. Calming down now. The whole blood pressure thing where I become really fatigued is kicking in. So we'll hopefully have a conversation later with husband after the kids go to sleep. difficult child has a soccer game tonight, and he's had a good day. Even finished his work at school today. So... Yeah. That's where I am right now. Losing hope, trying to be strong, and really wanting a nap.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    There is a lot about sociopaths that you would not want in your child or any person. I had a classmate in a psychiatric class who said her dad was a diagnosis'd sociopath. He was a top lawyer and got there by literally destroying anyone in his way. I thought she was exaggerating, esp when she told me toher things that he did to her or required her to do for basic things as a kid, things like food and clothes. Sick things. He did not CARE that it bothered her - he thought it was funny. Then he came to her place while we were studying. She wasn't lying and he was about the scariest guy I have ever met. He talked openly about ruining people's marriages by blackmailing one or the other partner to sleep with him, secretly videotaping it and then showing it to the other spouse. Gender meant nothing to him, so sometimes it was guys he blackmailed, not just women. He thought this was hilarious and was proud of himself for finding ways to "amuse" himself. Because this was simply a way to not be bored. He had a walled full of sick photos of people including his daughter and he wanted to show them to me. I left at that point.

    He does have a point though. At age 4 your child has plenty of time to get help. kids that age are SUPPOSED to act like sociopaths in some ways. They are still figuring out the difference between real and imaginary, between themselves and you, etc.... Many facets of his personality are not yet formed, and there is time to dot he things that will help.

    I would mostly monitor tihngs and get the therapy and treatment that seems appropriate and NOT borrow trouble. If he shows any red flags that MWM mentioned other than bathroom problems unless those are MAJOR, then I would ask his therapists how to handle thigns. Animal cruelty is actually the best predictor of a violent adult - but it includes violence on all levels, not just the extremes of a sociopath. If you see that, it should be aggressively treated and you may have to push for that.

    The tdocs are not telling you anything because it is WAY too soon to get upset over this. He is still developing crucial parts of his brain and personality that will need to be more developed before a therapist should worry you with predictions of sociopathy. Of course MWM's adopted child was very different, but most kids actually don't develop into sociopaths.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Yeah but you haven't looked up - anti-social.....or borderline tendencies.........or psychopath.......(not trying to be the zeppelin of good news here) AND they now have a test (and actual test) that they can do to determine if your child / husband / wife / sister /brother / self IS actually a psychopath. They had the story on History chanel not too long ago about an book/movie author that writes horror stories. His writing is so macabre that the man who created this genetic test had him in mind when he decided to find a person to test it out on - that was a.) IN society b.) all around successful c.) MORBID with sick thoughts but never acted on them to the best of the testers knowledge. The results? The author/movie maker WAS infact a psychopath. Not someone that had psychopathic tendencies - he actually had the genetic MARKER that make him psychopathic. The entire show was absolutely fascinating. The scariest part? The personality traits that this man had are a lot of the traits that are similar to many MOMMA BEARS.......(go figure) lol.

    As far as trying to determine if your son is or has a predisposition for being a psychopath? Your doctor would have to see things in your child AND in YOUR or your HUSBANDS BEHAVIOR and ENVIRONMENT that he felt were NOT going to change, because while a psychopath is born - I believe wholeheartedly that you can make one against his will with a condusive environment and repeated bad influences and behaviors. Monkey see monkey doo - monkey live in a really bad jungle and never gets therapy, gets taught better behaviors, is taught right from wrong. I say this BECAUSE......my son has a genetic pre-disposition to be a psychopath. His father is a psychopath/sociopath (natural born killer), BiPolar (BP), and has borderline tendencies, is a drug abuser, alcoholic, womanizer, animal abuser, woman beater - and has absolutely NO conscience whatsoever. THe things my son was taught by him from birth until 4 years old were absolutely sick. The things my son was TOLD were absolutely sick to even tell an adult. HOWEVER we put my son into therapy, and counseling, and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and group homes, and got educated, and went to therapy ourselves and did our level best to turn things around for ourselves and him -(myself and fiance) and left the environment and trained Dude and helped him re-learn and re-map his brain. TOday he still has anger issues, and lots of problems, but he's doing better. Had he NOT gotten the intervention he did? He'd be just like his biodad. OR worse. And worse you absolutely would NOT want living three states away from you - trust me on that. We were told my son was a budding anti-social at the age of ten. That was after six years of intense therapy. We just worked harder -
    If you've ever lived with one? You would never crack a joke about it. My x makes Manson look like Bambi.
  11. Ettina

    Ettina New Member

    Actually, of those, only cruelty to animals is more common among sociopaths/psychopaths (they're actually synonyms) and not all of them show that behavior either. The firesetting is just delinquency, and the pooping/peeing can be part of many neurological disorders.

    Major signs of psychopathy in a kid are lack of empathy (make sure it isn't difficulty reading nonverbal cues, it's when the kid knows full well that others are unhappy but he/she doesn't care), lack of guilt, no reaction to punishment, fearlessness, that sort of thing. Any one behavior doesn't indicate it, it's the general pattern of their personality.

    Regarding the original poster, one thought that popped into my mind is that maybe your husband might be a sociopath. A lot of sociopaths like the way they are and don't see a problem with it.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You might hand him the DSM IV diagnosis of "sociopath" and then ask him what he thinks is "right" about being one.
  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Does he really clearly understand the diagnosis? That was a bizarre statement to make.
  14. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Maybe (tasteless joke coming up, sorry), he thinks a sociopath is a person who treats people by manipulating bones...
    Seriously, though, DS3, how did that conversation with your husband go?
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2012
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't know the difference between sociopath and psychopath. I just was told, by several good psychologists, about the triad. One of the traits does not a psychopath/sociopath make. If a child has all three together, you have yourself a problem. We had a psychopath/sociopath/child with NO conscience in our house. Most of you know that. So we spent a lot of time with doctors who spoke about the triad. Our adopted son had ALL THREE, not just one. He was cruel to animals and even killed a few. He set fires in the house (albeit little ones so that only the children would see and hub and I would not). He peeped and pooped all over the house (we thought it was the dog). One of them is a warning sign that something is wrong, but it could be a lot of things. All three together is the profile of a child who is heading in a very frightening direction. So don't freak out if the child has one trait...lol. Also, it is somewhat controversial, but it was the case with our child.

    But the three of them, well, read the link: http://classictriads.com/macdonald-triad
  16. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    Not well. Honestly we've been having more issues of not agreeing lately. So I haven't been on much. Still deciding on what to do. I mean, if it wasn't for me, our kids wouldn't be getting the help that they need. I don't want my son(s) becoming sociopaths. I want them as close to 'normal' as they can be. Yet it seems husband sees things differently then me, and somehow I'm always the one in the wrong.

    ~sigh~ It hurts...

    So we'll either stay together, and work through it, or I'll end up back on the east coast hopefully. Like I said, there's a lot going on. Not just in regards to the kids either. I'm just hoping he opens his ears and listens soon...
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is it possible that your husband is just in denial? That he thinks that if he laughs it off you'll "get the message" that there's not really anything wrong and you'll lighten up? That would have been my husband - right up until the day I said, "Fine. You deal with it from now on." Then it got 100 times worse.

    I hope you will be able to find a way to engage your husband in a practical way on this. Whatever's going on, if he thinks he's not in the loop, your son will triangulate the two of you in a heartbeat, and it won't be good.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It really doesn't help that he is active duty military... it complicates the situation to begin with (he's not consistently there), plus tends to bring certain attitudes and expectations with it...

    I have a "here all the time" husband, with shared parenting from the get-go, and... until I started getting real results, I got NO support from him in the search for help... and until things really blew up, he still didn't really get it. NOW he does, and is doing things that DHs simply don't do in order to help our difficult child... but it took many, many years.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    A lot of sociopaths like the way they are and don't see a problem with it.

    Hmmm. Interestin
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member