What's your version...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, Jul 12, 2010.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    of normal? I was told that it was really odd that I made Duckie go to bed early tonight (8pm) because she's overly tired and I know she needs a good night's sleep to do well. Apparently, all other nine year olds are up all hours just because it's summer. It's also weird that she likes seafood and shell fish. And reads. And plays with dolls. We just overlook the teeth grinding, excessive talking and clinginess.

    What's "normal" about your kids?
  2. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member


    thats not normal?

    mine often goes to bed at 8ish--its an all night party if she makes it til 10.

    mines favorite food is sushi and she cant get enough. in fact, she was dying to go fishing because in her mind she thought she'd reel in a whole sushi quality tuna. (of course, fishing lost its appeal when i explained it didnt work that way)

    mine reads. a lot. ok, constantly.

    she doesnt do dolls, but she was never interested. she occasionally plays with her ginormous collection of neopets (not so much now that shes a TWEEN)

    *we* just over look the social awkwardness....she's not much down with justin beiber or boys or shopping or making fun of other people.

    so maybe THATS why everyone seems to imply our family has issues?

    i guess i'll take it....it works for us, too.
  3. jal

    jal Member

    My difficult child will be 8 in a few weeks. Most days he's so tired from camp he is asleep by 6pm. On the days he isn't I still send him to bed between 8-8:30. I don't care that its summer, we stick to the routine because that's what works. We let him stay up late this past Sat because we rented a movie. Normally he would have fallen asleep, but actually made it through. My cousin's daughter doesn't go to bed until 11-12 at night. (she's 7 and not a difficult child), but I would think she would be awfully tired in the am.

    difficult child also needs a good night sleep to do well. As it is, he's up with the sun (or sometimes before it).

    difficult child loves all kinds of fish to eat.
  4. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I always thought the parents that let their young kids stay up all night because it was summer weren't normal. :tongue:

    Kids need consistancy, that includes bedtimes. I always told my kids, just because the sun has a later bedtime during summer-time, doesn't change their bedtimes.

    Anyways, "normal" changes depending on what you use for a ruler.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well, hmmm, I'm wondering if these early bedtimes aren't a trait of difficult children.

    My difficult child has always been a sleeper. Her bedtime as a kid was 8PM and nearly every evening following dinner she'd ask if she could please go to bed now. Hahaha. She never liked dairy products and later we learned she was lactose intolerant. She always loved veggies, but chewed meat for the entire dinner hour and would store it in her cheek - she now almost never eats meat at all, mostly veggies only! Been drinking coffee since she's around 13. Her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) traits were primarily counting. She counted her steps, jumping jacks, lines on shirts, etc. She's always been a very strong speller and had good math skills. Doesn't read much but when she does, it's always fairly complex material with 'big' words!

    Expc has always been a perfectionist. If it's not perfect, then it's no good - start over...with food, schoolwork, counting, candy, clothing, everything. Always precise in bedtimes and self imposed rules about drinking, smoking, sex, everything. Still that way. Loves meat and fruit, hates most veggies and water. Loves sugar, hates coffee.

    I don't think our 'normal' is all that weird or normal - it just is what it is.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    As Linda used to say, normal is just a setting on the dryer...

    And as I say, if you gave me a "typical" kid at this point, I would thoroughly screw it up, cause I have lost all sense of "normal".

    I visited a friend last week and her almost 3 year old threw an epic temper tantrum. On the floor, face down, beating his hands and feet and head, screaming.

    In public.

    And it wasn't until I looked up at her again and saw her look of horror, and her husband dash in to remove the kiddo to somewhere else that it even registered on my radar.

    The very first day that I took Wee in to meet his teacher at the early intervention preschool, he had a meltdown that resulted in the teacher and I restraining him on the floor. She sat there and talked to me like there was nothing but a plate of cookies between us, and I was virtually in tears. I told her later that I admired that, and someday, hoped I could get there.

    Guess I made it. Not sure it was a good goal.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I dont know what normal is either. My adult boys had bedtimes that were very early from what I can tell of other parents. I always said if they werent in bed by 8 then someone was gonna die. When they were really little it was 7! However, it didnt matter what time they went to bed, they were up at 6 so they best be in bed early! I needed my time.

    I can hardly remember back then. I was in school, they were driving me bonkers and my BiPolar (BP) was out of control.

    Now, the grandkids stay up much later than I think is good for them. I try to have Keyana in bed by 9 or 9:30 but then she doesnt wake up until 8 or so either. She is a rather clingy kid. She wants to do things perfect and if she thinks she cant be perfect she doesnt want to try. She is very girly girl which is new to me!
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM - there is nothing but normal in your post! You are just being the best mom you can be. If other parents do things differently it must be the best way for their own kids. Of course, that is assuming everyone is being the best mom they can be.

    I do not know what is 'normal' either.

    I am sitting here trying to think about what is 'normal' about difficult child.

    Oh - mine was in bed early but ALWAYS had trouble falling asleep so she was one to lay there for some time and ask for water, bathroom break, etc. many times a night.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    We were always very strict on bedtimes...and like you, we would get flak from more permissive parents.

    I remember one time a seven year old in the neighborhood knocked on the door to play at 8:30 pm....and when I told her that my kids were getting ready for bed, this child's father made fun of me! He explained that he just let his daughter stay up until whatever time she wanted, usually heading to bed around 10:30 or 11 pm!

    in my humble opinion--a seven year old should NOT be staying up with her parents watching late-night television! but that's just me...

    Like Janet--I desparately needed some "peace" at the end of the evening. Reasonable bedtimes were important.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I read this thread this morning and have been trying to think about what is "normal" about my difficult child. I think I have truly lost all perspective of what is considered normal for kids these days.

    We have always tried to have difficult child in bed early. Until his medications he couldn't sleep-seriously. Now he is asleep earlier than most boys his age because of his medications. He is 13 and asleep at the latest most nights by 8:00.

    easy child/difficult child was always a sleeper. She put herself down for naps when she was ages 2-6. Around age 9 in the summer she would start staying up til about 9:00 but she still took naps in the afternoon-matter of fact-she is upstairs taking a nap right now.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Is it any wonder that most of us would like our kiddos in bed by 8Pm just so we could get a moment's peace before passing out ourselves?? Yeesh.

    I really do not 'get' a parent who allows their kids to stay up until the kid is ready to finally go to sleep. How can that be healthy? For anyone? I had a friend with a daughter who had asperger and my friend not only allowed her to stay up till all hours, but she allowed her to sleep in her bed - the little girl was 10 last year and still sleeping with her mother. And do you know why? The mom admits it is because she is too lazy to go down the hall to the girls bedroom if she wakes in the night and she can't 'deal' with the 'whole bedtime thing'. Ugh.

    I remember putting the girlies down when they were little - it was quiet time, a story, and then bed by 9-8:30. And then, I had ME time.
  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I think that most of our kids lack the self-awareness to self-regulate or even fully understand how they are feeling at any given time. Duckie was very upset when I told her she'd be going to bed at 8pm because her usual bedtime is 9pm. But, we've had several exceptions to that over the last few weeks and she is beginning to struggle to sleep at all. I think I finally got through to her that this wasn't a punishment. I talked to her today about learning to recognise when she's overtired and making the mature decision of getting some extra sleep so she feels better and functions well. She agreed that she might as well get rest when she's not busy so she's able to play hard other times. But, I don't think she truly recognizes when she's tired so she needs her parents to help her. by the way, she was yawning as she crawled into bed last night and seemed a lot better today: her cold is a little better and she seldom ground teeth today. And, she was a lot less oblivious too.
  13. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    OK I need to respond to the sleep issue and why parents might let their kids stay up later... it might be that is what works for the kid!!! My son always had sleep issues... even as a tiny baby. Interestingly he was never hungry early in the day and would take bits of a bottle until late afternoon and then would drink a lot in the afternoon and evening. We always always always had a very hard time getting him to sleep. We tried everything. Getting to sleep at night is hard for him. He is a natural night owl. But he would sleep late. I was the only mother I knew who could sit and read the paper and 9am before her baby woke up!!! So we tried various things over the years but bedtime was always difficult. When he was young I kept wondering what I was doing wrong.

    Then we got my daughter (my easy child) and sleep has never been an issue. As a baby she took naps (son never did) like clockwork and went to bed in the evening easily and wok up early. It was tough when they were both young because they were opposites. She also ate early in the day and did not eat much for dinner.

    So I do think there is a biological natural sleep cycle people have... my daughter is 15 now and she gets herself to be and asleep at a reasonable hour almost always. Bedtime has never been difficult with her. My son is 18 and for the last few years we have left his bedtime more to him... he has when doing well and going to school gone to bed somewhat reasonably.... but has also usually when not doing well, slept in the afternoons and literally stayed up all night. I think he is naturally a night owl and will do well eventually at a night job.

    So I don't think his sleep pattern is normal by any means but I also don't think kids sleeping patters are all under a parents control either.
  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Excellent point, toughlove. My Duckie is a bit of an oddball when it comes to sleep... she's sleeps less when she needs it most. Literally. She will wake up early when she gets to bed late. She's most definitely not a night owl... she just has a hard time staying settled enough for sleep.
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wee was another one who, despite our best efforts, would not conform to a schedule by a clock for eating or sleeping. He always put himself down when he was tired. He didn't fight sleep. But it varied from 4-5 pm (and sleep thru the night) to 10-11 pm, even tho we'd always make him go to bed by 9...when he couldn't sleep, he couldn't sleep. I put a heck of a lot of miles on my truck putting him to sleep at 1 or 2am. And sometimes he'd go to sleep around 8-10pm and was up and raring' to go at 2am. Thankfully, he seems to have outgrown most of that now, and sleep has been much less of an issue the past year or so.
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Great point toughlovin. I am a night owl - always have been. When I was a kid, I was sent to bed, but stayed awake for HOURS reading under my covers or playing a game of Booby-Trap with my sister, being careful not to tip off our parents that we were, in fact, wide awake. I am still a night owl, which doesn't fit in well with my early morning schedule.

    I realize there are exceptions to every rule; I was referring primarily to parents who simply have no rules or boundaries in any way with their little ones, including bedtime. In fact the woman I referred to in my earlier post also let her kid eat whatever she wanted at any time, even bags of candy and then thought she made up for that by inserting nutrition shakes into her feeding tube twice a day! When I used to put my girls to bed, the rule was they can lie awake and read, but they were in for the night. Worked out okay. My easy child really liked that difficult child would pass out early; made her feel like she had a privilege difficult child didn't! lol.
  17. joneshockey

    joneshockey Guest

    I have been pondering the thought of what is "normal" with my difficult child (B2)... He definately plays hard like other boys his age, but prefers to play by himself... occasionally with B1 and B1's friends but hardly ever with kids his own age. B2 also LOVES seafood.. he started to eat fish and shrimp at age 2! I try to keep him on a bedtime schedule and routine, but he has ALWAYS had extereme difficulty going to sleep & staying alseep. Most days I start his bedtime routine at 7:30 (bath, story, etc.) and he rarely is asleep before 10:00... He also refuses to sleep alone. (Sorry Hearts & Roses - I know how you feel about this and I try Exteremely hard to prevent it) I cant just put him in bed to go to sleep - he will not stay in bed! We start there everynight, but I end up rocking him to sleep each night... Once he is asleep I put him in his own bed, but he gets up several times each night and crawls into bed with us... My husband NEVER hears him, so it is up to me to keep putting him back into his bed... After the 4th or 5th time for the night I end up giving up, out of PURE EXHAUSTION! I end up sleeping the remainder of the night on the couch. I can't remember the last night that I got a full night of uninterupted sleep! Does anyone have any ideas for me to try?
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I wish we could get the kids to bed earlier. Unfortunately by the time I arrived on the scene, 9 PM was set... It's now supposed to be 10 for Onyxx, 9 for Jett, but - well yeah. I tell him to start getting ready at 8:45 - shower is at 8:30, except on Tuesdays and Thursdays when it is whenever he gets home from BM's - and I get arguments, etc. Tuck in always ends up at 9:15 or later. Usually later. Since it is summer I gave up - as long as they do not keep ME awake, husband can handle it. ...And I'd be happy if they were just IN their bedrooms.

    As for normal - yeah. Onyxx starts arguing about something and my blood pressure goes up, because of past events - fight or flight. I'm actually USED to this! because she throws a hissy and usually if it escalates there's violence involved. And I'm just WAITING for the other shoe to drop.

    Jett told husband that he doesn't understand why I'm always mad at him. Well, I'm NOT - and husband sat him down and they remembered a lot of times I'm NOT mad - and then husband explained that Jett doesn't do his job (chores - the list is simple - dishes and cat litter, alternating days, Monday through Thursday, room cleaning, other stuff as asked) and gives excuses why, or watches TV (whatever others are watching) or plays. Sasses back. This would be "normal", but it's gotten a lot worse lately, and husband is tired of the house being messy because Jett cannot be bothered.

    Told both kids while camping that I'm not reminding about chores any more. If they cannot be bothered to do their stuff without nagging, I cannot be bothered to do anything for them. No rides places, no sleepovers, no money, no nothing.

    If this is "normal", I'm not surprised many animals eat their young.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have opposites in eating kids. Billy was brought up when he was with my mom to only eat micro food and no veggies except corn, broccoli, and green beans. My other two eat most anything except Jamie cant stand coconut and Cory doesnt like onions and cherries. Keyana loves everything except uncooked broccoli and mustard. She even loves fried liver! Cory cant stand that she loves onions...lol. He tells us not to give her the fried onions when we cook the liver and she runs back to the kitchen to get her plate filled up.

    All of my kids slept with us until they just didnt want to anymore. We just got Keyana into her own bed last week. Jamie slept with us the last night before he left for boot camp and he jumps into our bed if he arrives home in the middle of the night and we are asleep. Cory will cuddle up in my bed if he is sick.

    But on the whole...they moved to their own beds by the time they were about 4 or so because Tony was traveling for work and I would let them sleep with me when he was out of town.
  20. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    Totally sypathize, my son also had lots of fears at night and would often wake up and comment crawl into bed with us which meant neither dad or I slept well. Trying to get him back to sleep in his own bed did not work well either and just interfered with our sleep. We finally did what made the most sense for our sleep. We put a mat and sleeping bag on the floor of our room. If he woke up at night he wa welcome to come in our room and sleep on the floor. So for quite a long time we would wake up in the morning and he would be asleep on the floor. Worked for all of us, we got our sleep and he got comfort from being in the room with us when he was scared at night. I think this went on until he was about 10 . Eventually he just didn't need to do it anymore.