When adults bully kids...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    difficult child 2 is not a mean kid. He has a big heart and he wants to be helpful, but admittedly he is sometimes annoying because of his underdeveloped social skills. We know that. The school is supposed to know that based on their evaluation of him, his IEP, and his history.

    He has had bumps this year on the water polo team. difficult child 2 has been the target of bullying and harassment by his peers on the team, and even his JV coach has been borderline with how he treats him. Well last Wednesday the coach crossed the line. Long story short, the coach has no patience for difficult child 2 and does not bother to find out the details of situations that involve him. He automatically blames difficult child 2. And on Wednesday he yelled at him publicly and repeatedly called him a d*ck in front of the rest of the team.

    Understandably, difficult child 2 was in tears that night and wanted to quit the team. And I was ready to let him walk away. husband was not and (thanks to his new medications) got involved and took the problem head-on with the head varsity coach about the JV coach's behavior. Then he took difficult child 2 down to talk with the head coach, who meanwhile was able to confirm and verify our assertions. He told difficult child 2 he didn't want him to leave the team and he assured us that the other coach would be "punished." difficult child 2 has chosen to stay with the team. He really likes the sport and he really wants to be part of this group (not sure why after how they've treated him, but it's important to him). Thankfully they have this week off due to finals, so I'm hoping everyone has a chance to cool their jets and the two coaches can spend some time getting their heads around the seriousness of this issue.

    In the mean time, I sent an email today to the Athletic Director who knows me from my work with difficult child 1's sports team (I'm a founding board member) and copied husband's email to the coach so that he could understand things from our perspective. I asserted that this coach is immature, he has poor emotional control and is inadequately trained to manage teenage boys, especially in areas of conflict. I told the AD that if this happens again, I'll be escalating the issue higher and demanding the coach's replacement. Enough. Is. Enough.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Definitely. How would that "man" like to be called demeaning names in front of the team? I bet he'd seek a restraining order if your husband showed up and humiliated him like that. Grr.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Good for you and husband. I am very proud of difficult child 2 for sticking with the SPORT despite his treatment by the team and coach. That says a lot for him in my book.

    I'll be CHEERING you all on. Things like this should never happen but sadly, they do.
  4. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Good for difficult child for wanting to continue. There's no excuse for a coach to act like that or call him a name in front of the team (or call him a name, period). I hope you get a good response.
  5. zaftigmama

    zaftigmama New Member

    WOO HOO!!! You go, girl~!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stories like this get me so mad. Adults in coaching positions should know better. PERIOD!
  7. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Oh really, a d*** ! WTH is that BS ... He shouldn't work around kids period !
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is just wrong. I know when we were trained that was just not allowed.
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    No child should be subjected to treatment like that from a coach, whether it's in front of the other kids or not. IT's not right. I think that you and your husband handled this exactly the right way and I think it's great that difficult child 2 wants to stick with the team.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Omg, what a horrible person! And to think that he is supposed to be a example to our children!

    I'm so glad you and H handled it the way you did, excellent!
  11. myeverything04

    myeverything04 New Member

    I find that more and more junior high and high school coaches are expecting too much from children. I don't know if his coach has ever "went off" on anyone else on the team, but it may be worth checking into (maybe ask your son when the timing is right). His behavior is unexceptable in my opinion, and I'm sure in LOTs of parents opinions. I am starting to see though that this is what it's like when kids (especially boys) play sports in junior high/high school. I'm not at all saying I agree but have seen the same thing with my nephews here in Ohio. It's like these coaches think the sport is the only thing in the world. Like they are coaching the olympic team or something. I think you did an awesome job at taking it to the next level by emailing the Athletic Director. No child (or teen) needs to be treated this way, regardless.
  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'd like to see difficult child 2 receive an apology and explanation that assistant coach's behavior was wrong in front of the team. Or at least a clarification that bullying and name calling will no longer be tolerated.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    UGGG makes me sick to my stomach. Like when the bus drivers bullied my son.... Do these people understand their jobs? I do not think so. I think you hit the nail on the head, he sounds very immature. Like he is one of the kids, not ready for the adult role model position.

    You and hubby did an amazing job.
  14. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    This coach is still wet behind the ears himself. He graduated from high school in 2008! He needs to go back to school to learn how to behave like a grown-up.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I HATE coaches like this. Jess had a soccer coach who never met a curse word he didn't think he should scream at the kids. The soccer assn actually had to remove him because parents on other teams were so upset. OUR complaints, as parents with kids on his team, were ignored and we were told that he got results, his teams won, so they had no complaints. Then a mom on our team organized parents on the other teams to complain.

    I hope that this coach is sent back to school. These are paid jobs at this level and the coaches should be MUCH more professional than that. I hope that you get a better coach soon, or this one is given a lot more supervision. He just is not mature enough to handle the responsibility and stress of his job.

    WHY do people think it is okay to behave like that around our kids? Why is it okay to behave like that because the kids are playing a sport? I am glad difficult child didn't give up on the sport, but this coach needs to be fired.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. Good for difficult child! And your husband. And you!
    That coach is in the wrong field. Perhaps work as a city maintenance worker would be more appropriate?