I am not sure how many of you know about the situation with Wiz. At this point in time I would not hesitate to have him here for a short stay, but he still can't move back in with us. I will start at the beginning.
I first thought things were "off" with Wiz when he was about 2 yo. He would just get this "dark cloud" around him - his whole face and attitude would just change on a dime. He would get SOO upset, unreasonable and unreachable.
But mostly he was a sweet, happy, funny, smart kid. Everyone LOVED him. Truly and deeply. If anything, he was over attached to me. It sure wasn't a lack of attachment. He also showed clear signs of hyperlexia. He went INTO kindergarten at age 4 and he was already reading chapter books (animorphs and Hank the Cowdog were his favorite series - one of these books would take less than 1 day to read!)
We started to see intense anger toward Jessie about the time she could crawl around on her own. He started destroying every toy she had. By this time we were in therapy to learn how to help him.
School was a total nightmare. Too smart for the classes he fit in agewise, too awkward socially to fit into classes he fit academically. Incredibly intense anger toward Jessie and I.
By the time thank you was born we knew Wiz could not survive the local elementary school. We pulled him out to homeschool, but not before the teachers (witches) at the school convinced him he was useless - according to these witches Wiz couldn't be gifted because he didn't get 100% on everything and he didn't behave perfectly. Let me tell you, bored little boys get into TROUBLE. We also couldn't leave Wiz alone in the same room with Jessie. Not even long enough for us to use the restroom. She would end up with bruises or worse if we did.
NO therapist EVER really dealt with that. It drove us nuts. There is only so much you can do by changing your parenting. If a child refuses to change, or respond to the changes you make, there is very little that you can do.
When we moved to OK it was a new start. Jess went into 1st grade there (we had pulled her out of the local school for the first couple of months of the year because 4 boys in her grade were sexually abusing little girls by pulling them into the coatroom or bathroom while some of them distracted the teacher and aide. I refused to have her potentially abused this way.
wiz had already been diagnosis'd with Aspergers. He responded to medications quite well. After we moved we found a wonderful doctor who did testing, and all the testing pointed to Aspergers. We used medications to handle his symptoms.
By thsi point we had few suicide attempts anymore (those happened before we pulled him out of school - and were how we found out that the teachers were abusing him emotionally).But EVERY time we tried to pull him off of the SSRI antidepressants he became suicidal again.
We dealt with a LOT of abuse aimed at Jessie and I. The abuse toward Jessie was FAR worse than we knew. One night when Wiz was in 6th grade and Jess was in 2nd, I walked into Jessie's room because I heard a noise.
I found Wiz on top of her with his hands around her neck trying to kill her. It took ALL the strength I had to pull him off of her. That very day I got door alarms AND a neck alarm (like a pendant) that Jessie was to wear at all times that she was home. This was a short term help until we got Wiz into a facility wehre he could get help.
Within a week we drove him to a psychiatric hospital. He stayed there for 4 months. The staff said he was one of the lucky kids because we visited at a MINIMUM 2 times a week PLUS one more visit for therapy with him. It was a tough period of time, but we got through it.
He finally made HUGE strides and came home. But by the next fall he was sliding into violence again. This time he came after ME first, and Jessie second. We had the sheriff come out once because he locked himself into the bathroom and was pounding on the mirror to get some glass to kill himself. He told me this through the door. By the time the Sheriff's deputy came he had calmed some. They talked to him, and to us, and they left.
A week later Wiz got mad because I mentioned his homework and tried to headbutt me in the stomach. Jess took thank you and locked them into my room. She called 911 at my request. husband came home from work to find the Deputy here. I was determined that Wiz would NOT spend another night in our home. Period.
After 3 days in the youth shelter Wiz got himself kicked out. He hugged a girl who was crying. The rule there was NO physical contact. Including hugs because you had no way of knowing which kids had been abused under the cover of "affection".
My mom and dad took Wiz in. We were trying to get the court to order Residential Treatment Center (RTC). After a month and no real action by the judge, my dad asked if we would drop everything and let Wiz stay with him and my mom. It ended up being a wonderful thing.
My dad somehow got through to Wiz. Partly by dragging Wiz out to trim their overgrown acre of yard every time Wiz showed aggression or created a problem.
Right now Wiz is living with my parents, he just finished up high school, but is taking a sort of "gap year" instruction at the tech school. His program will be paid for in full by the state for next year and he will end up certified as a machinist.
He is now a responsible kid, and is a good big bro to Jessie and thank you. He also feels incredible remorse for the pain he "put us through". He knows that in one attack he caused nerve damage in my hand. He will take it and rub it gently or get me a hot rice bag to wrap it in if it hurts.
I think we were all forged in the fires of Wiz' disabilities, but we came through it so much stronger.
As for us - we never wrote Wiz off. Never will. But we also will not live with him under our roof for any extended length of time. If it was needed because some crisis, we would work it out.
I can honestly and truly say that without the warrior parents here on this board we would not have gotten one tenth of the help Wiz needed. Thanks to everyone here - you strengthened us, supported us, and helped us figure out what to ask for to help the entire family.
I do NOT think the 4 month psychiatric hospital stay, the 2 shorter psychiatric hospital stays, or any of the treatments, or having Wiz taken away by the police was copping out. It was incredibly hard to do those things. Esp with the people who didn't see that side of Wiz and gave us a very rough time of it.
And right now, things are pretty good with all the kids. So it isn't all impossible to come through the fires and be stronger.
I first thought things were "off" with Wiz when he was about 2 yo. He would just get this "dark cloud" around him - his whole face and attitude would just change on a dime. He would get SOO upset, unreasonable and unreachable.
But mostly he was a sweet, happy, funny, smart kid. Everyone LOVED him. Truly and deeply. If anything, he was over attached to me. It sure wasn't a lack of attachment. He also showed clear signs of hyperlexia. He went INTO kindergarten at age 4 and he was already reading chapter books (animorphs and Hank the Cowdog were his favorite series - one of these books would take less than 1 day to read!)
We started to see intense anger toward Jessie about the time she could crawl around on her own. He started destroying every toy she had. By this time we were in therapy to learn how to help him.
School was a total nightmare. Too smart for the classes he fit in agewise, too awkward socially to fit into classes he fit academically. Incredibly intense anger toward Jessie and I.
By the time thank you was born we knew Wiz could not survive the local elementary school. We pulled him out to homeschool, but not before the teachers (witches) at the school convinced him he was useless - according to these witches Wiz couldn't be gifted because he didn't get 100% on everything and he didn't behave perfectly. Let me tell you, bored little boys get into TROUBLE. We also couldn't leave Wiz alone in the same room with Jessie. Not even long enough for us to use the restroom. She would end up with bruises or worse if we did.
NO therapist EVER really dealt with that. It drove us nuts. There is only so much you can do by changing your parenting. If a child refuses to change, or respond to the changes you make, there is very little that you can do.
When we moved to OK it was a new start. Jess went into 1st grade there (we had pulled her out of the local school for the first couple of months of the year because 4 boys in her grade were sexually abusing little girls by pulling them into the coatroom or bathroom while some of them distracted the teacher and aide. I refused to have her potentially abused this way.
wiz had already been diagnosis'd with Aspergers. He responded to medications quite well. After we moved we found a wonderful doctor who did testing, and all the testing pointed to Aspergers. We used medications to handle his symptoms.
By thsi point we had few suicide attempts anymore (those happened before we pulled him out of school - and were how we found out that the teachers were abusing him emotionally).But EVERY time we tried to pull him off of the SSRI antidepressants he became suicidal again.
We dealt with a LOT of abuse aimed at Jessie and I. The abuse toward Jessie was FAR worse than we knew. One night when Wiz was in 6th grade and Jess was in 2nd, I walked into Jessie's room because I heard a noise.
I found Wiz on top of her with his hands around her neck trying to kill her. It took ALL the strength I had to pull him off of her. That very day I got door alarms AND a neck alarm (like a pendant) that Jessie was to wear at all times that she was home. This was a short term help until we got Wiz into a facility wehre he could get help.
Within a week we drove him to a psychiatric hospital. He stayed there for 4 months. The staff said he was one of the lucky kids because we visited at a MINIMUM 2 times a week PLUS one more visit for therapy with him. It was a tough period of time, but we got through it.
He finally made HUGE strides and came home. But by the next fall he was sliding into violence again. This time he came after ME first, and Jessie second. We had the sheriff come out once because he locked himself into the bathroom and was pounding on the mirror to get some glass to kill himself. He told me this through the door. By the time the Sheriff's deputy came he had calmed some. They talked to him, and to us, and they left.
A week later Wiz got mad because I mentioned his homework and tried to headbutt me in the stomach. Jess took thank you and locked them into my room. She called 911 at my request. husband came home from work to find the Deputy here. I was determined that Wiz would NOT spend another night in our home. Period.
After 3 days in the youth shelter Wiz got himself kicked out. He hugged a girl who was crying. The rule there was NO physical contact. Including hugs because you had no way of knowing which kids had been abused under the cover of "affection".
My mom and dad took Wiz in. We were trying to get the court to order Residential Treatment Center (RTC). After a month and no real action by the judge, my dad asked if we would drop everything and let Wiz stay with him and my mom. It ended up being a wonderful thing.
My dad somehow got through to Wiz. Partly by dragging Wiz out to trim their overgrown acre of yard every time Wiz showed aggression or created a problem.
Right now Wiz is living with my parents, he just finished up high school, but is taking a sort of "gap year" instruction at the tech school. His program will be paid for in full by the state for next year and he will end up certified as a machinist.
He is now a responsible kid, and is a good big bro to Jessie and thank you. He also feels incredible remorse for the pain he "put us through". He knows that in one attack he caused nerve damage in my hand. He will take it and rub it gently or get me a hot rice bag to wrap it in if it hurts.
I think we were all forged in the fires of Wiz' disabilities, but we came through it so much stronger.
As for us - we never wrote Wiz off. Never will. But we also will not live with him under our roof for any extended length of time. If it was needed because some crisis, we would work it out.
I can honestly and truly say that without the warrior parents here on this board we would not have gotten one tenth of the help Wiz needed. Thanks to everyone here - you strengthened us, supported us, and helped us figure out what to ask for to help the entire family.
I do NOT think the 4 month psychiatric hospital stay, the 2 shorter psychiatric hospital stays, or any of the treatments, or having Wiz taken away by the police was copping out. It was incredibly hard to do those things. Esp with the people who didn't see that side of Wiz and gave us a very rough time of it.
And right now, things are pretty good with all the kids. So it isn't all impossible to come through the fires and be stronger.
