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Substance Abuse
When is enough, enough?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749004" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Lost in Sadness</p><p></p><p>I have only a minute to respond but wanted to say something. If I am direct, please forgive me.</p><p></p><p>I suggest Al Anon or another 12 step group. I believe that all of us in this situation need to know how to make boundaries and when to do so. None of us can control or stop the bad behavior of our children or the people in their lives. But we can recognize when we are being hurt and we can limit how much bad behavior touches us.</p><p></p><p>If your daughter is having psychotic episodes as a result of drug use, the problem is drug use, not mental illness, unless she is using drugs to self-medicate. In either case the drugs cause serious damage. At age 15, you still have significant control over the situation with her, but to try logic, or to ask her to see the situation rationally, will likely not be fruitful, if she is already making poor choices. Al Anon (and a therapist who specializes in addiction and/or adolescents) can help you respond. If daughter is already having psychotic symptoms she may already be farther along in this than you would like. If it were me this is the situation I would focus upon.</p><p></p><p>The baby. First, congratulations on being a grandmother. But on one level this is a whole other heartache. Because the reality right now is you have little to no control over how much access you have to the baby or how the baby is cared for. As hard as it is right now I would try to focus on your daughter. With her situation you have both control and responsibility.</p><p></p><p>Finally. I would not get into back and forth with your son about stuff like father's day. What does it get you?</p><p></p><p>And the video. That is horrible. Is this person who sent it the baby's mother? Oh gee. You need to find a way to insulate yourself from somebody that would have such poor judgment and boundaries that they would expose you to something like that. And you need to find a way to NOT be exposed. Your son is living very badly. That does not mean that you need to experience it in the first row seat. But your son is an adult. His life is his to live. What can you do?</p><p></p><p>Al Anon and therapy will help you find a way to protect yourself, and to prioritize, I think. And posting. If it were me I would (and did, and do) post every single day, on multiple threads. This is what helps us through this, and helps us learn.</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry how hard this is. Keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749004, member: 18958"] Dear Lost in Sadness I have only a minute to respond but wanted to say something. If I am direct, please forgive me. I suggest Al Anon or another 12 step group. I believe that all of us in this situation need to know how to make boundaries and when to do so. None of us can control or stop the bad behavior of our children or the people in their lives. But we can recognize when we are being hurt and we can limit how much bad behavior touches us. If your daughter is having psychotic episodes as a result of drug use, the problem is drug use, not mental illness, unless she is using drugs to self-medicate. In either case the drugs cause serious damage. At age 15, you still have significant control over the situation with her, but to try logic, or to ask her to see the situation rationally, will likely not be fruitful, if she is already making poor choices. Al Anon (and a therapist who specializes in addiction and/or adolescents) can help you respond. If daughter is already having psychotic symptoms she may already be farther along in this than you would like. If it were me this is the situation I would focus upon. The baby. First, congratulations on being a grandmother. But on one level this is a whole other heartache. Because the reality right now is you have little to no control over how much access you have to the baby or how the baby is cared for. As hard as it is right now I would try to focus on your daughter. With her situation you have both control and responsibility. Finally. I would not get into back and forth with your son about stuff like father's day. What does it get you? And the video. That is horrible. Is this person who sent it the baby's mother? Oh gee. You need to find a way to insulate yourself from somebody that would have such poor judgment and boundaries that they would expose you to something like that. And you need to find a way to NOT be exposed. Your son is living very badly. That does not mean that you need to experience it in the first row seat. But your son is an adult. His life is his to live. What can you do? Al Anon and therapy will help you find a way to protect yourself, and to prioritize, I think. And posting. If it were me I would (and did, and do) post every single day, on multiple threads. This is what helps us through this, and helps us learn. I am so very sorry how hard this is. Keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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